If I’m going to date again, I need to get my place ready. On my first visit back to Barnes & Noble post-Costa Rica, Leticia recommended to me a popular little book on how to feng shui your home in order to let love into your life. I move around furniture. I burn sage. I buy rose quartz and place one on each side of my nightstand. I dust out the closet where Neil’s clothes used to hang. While I have thought of moving, I loved this place first. It was my home, and I’m not going to let the ghost of Neil chase me out of it. I can’t believe the spa trip with Jordan was almost two months ago when I was living in a disarrayed state with dirty laundry everywhere. Now I’ve splurged on fresh flowers and a new jasmine-scented candle (a scent Neil would hate).
When Jordan comes over later that week, she looks around. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
“Thank you. I did a little feng shui. It has better energy in here now, don’t you think?”
“I do.” Jordan peers at me. “Who are you? And what have you done with my friend Allison?”
I laugh and carefully hang up her jacket that she’s thrown over the chair and place her purse she dropped on the floor onto a hook in my hallway. “Never put your purse on the floor,” I admonish her.
“Germs?”
“No. A purse on the floor is money out the door.”
“Again, I ask who are you and where is Allison?”
I laugh. “Come on, I’ll show you the rest of the place.”
We walk back to the bedroom and I point to where I moved the mirror next to the closet. “Apparently, it’s bad luck to have a mirror facing the bed.”
She nods. “Yes, it’s much better to have it on the ceiling over the bed.”
“Hey, are you going to mock me?”
“No. I’m just teasing.” She plops down on the bed. “Actually, I really like it in here. It was nice before, but dare I say it has better energy now.” She runs her hand over a pillowcase. “Oooh. I love these sheets.”
“Thanks. They’re new. Egyptian cotton.”
“Nice. So the feng shui principle of in with the new and out with the old?”
“That. And I just couldn’t stand sleeping in sheets that Neil had touched. I also bought all new dishes and glasses.” I cringe. My spending ban on new items was lifted the second I received my first payment from Eric. “Maybe I shouldn’t have spent the money, but there was too much ick.”
“And it was still probably less expensive than moving.”
“Exactly. Though I’d love to get rid of this bed, but it was mine before Neil moved in.”
“Well, I just think you need to put some new energy into it.” She leans back on the bed propping herself up on her elbows. “Sexual energy. Possibly starting with that hot coffee guy.”
“Eric? The only person who is paying me right now? I don’t think that would be very feng shui. I must protect my wealth corner.”
She laughs. “Where’s the wine corner?”
“Follow me.”
We head to the living room where Jordan takes a seat on the sofa and I get us our wine and glasses. When I return from the kitchen, she’s petting the cashmere throw on the sofa. “Is this new too?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No. I took it out of the closet. Neil hated extra pillows and blankets on the sofa and bed.”
“Ugh, Neil.” She rolls her eyes. “It definitely has a cozier, more feminine vibe in here, and I like it. If you’re ever bored, feel free to come over and do my place.”
“I would love that.” Jordan’s place is fairly minimalist, perhaps because she spends most of her waking hours at work. “Better yet, maybe we go shopping this weekend for some accessories for your place?” I offer.
“Deal. Though I feel like you’re just vicariously shopping through me.” She waves her arm dramatically. “Okay. Enough with the decorating. Tell me about Costa Rica.”
“It was hot. And they have strange bugs.”
“I assumed. And that’s not what I want to know.”
I describe the morning yoga, meditation, and the resort, as well as some of the tourist attractions I visited.
Afterwards, she asks, “So was I right about the Eat, Pray, Love aspect of all this? Any hot guys?”
I fill her in on Alistair, and her eyes gleam as she keeps asking questions making sure I’m not cheating her out of any details. Before she wanted all the Oprah-esque channel, and now I’m giving her the Showtime for adults version, which I think she likes better.
Finally Jordan laughs. “First Alejandro and now this Costa Rica guy. Apparently, resorts are the feng shui spot for your sex life.”
“Clearly. And now after Costa Rica and Alistair, I think I might be ready to move on to dating, maybe, or at least be open to it. Though I’m not excited about the possibility of getting hurt again, I’m curious to apply everything I’ve learned.”
“Any potential targets?” she asks, grinning.
I hit her with a throw pillow in response.
Also, now that my life has some semblance of normality again, I’m finally ready to confront my past—Neil—in order to move on with my future (and I’d rather do this on my own terms than bump into him unexpectedly). It also helps that I’m tanned and healthy and have never looked better.
I’VE ARRANGED TO meet Neil after work at The Cauldron. He suggested meeting for a drink, but I wanted Eric’s soothing presence nearby. When I walked in and ordered, Eric gave me a whistle. Though it’s petty, I’m dressed in heels and a killer dress, as if I have a hot date afterwards. “Wow!” he said. “I almost feel sorry for the guy. One look at you and he’s going to realize what an idiot he is.” That’s the plan.
When I see Neil walk through the door, my hands turn clammy and I feel my heart begin to race, from anger or anxiety I’m not sure. I was hoping to see him rumpled and tired looking and full of regret. But he doesn’t. Instead, he looks great in a crisp gray-checked button-down shirt and pressed navy slacks. The rat bastard. He spots me, waves, and walks over. I automatically stand up, though I’m not sure why.
“Hey, Allison,” he says, leaning in for a hug.
I instinctively lean backwards and clumsily put my hand out for him to shake.
“Okay. This is awkward,” he says, shaking my hand and stating the obvious. He laughs nervously. “So, uh, I see you have some tea. Um, I’m going to order some decaf coffee. Can I get you anything else while I’m there?” He jerks his thumb toward the counter. He’s kinda rambling.
I shake my head. “No, thanks. I’ll be here.”
When Neil walks away it gives me a chance to steady my nerves. Eric is at the register and I hear his exchange with Neil. “Should I wait over there?” Neil asks, presumably indicating by the barista.
“No, I’ll bring it to your table.” My nervous energy dissipates at the sound of Eric’s voice, and I’m finally able to take a sip of my tea without my hand trembling.
Neil returns and sits across from me. “This is a nice place,” he says.
“Yes. I’ve become a regular.” I take another sip of my tea, not offering the information that I also work for Eric.