“But … but … ” I stammer, “you said you were in love with her? Are you in love with her?”
“I don’t know, Allison. But why does it matter? She’s the mother of my child.” He shakes his head with a pained expression. “Listen, I regret the way I handled everything, and I can’t apologize enough because I know I’m an asshole.”
Even though I want closure, I don’t want the details either. Whether they had a one-night stand or an ongoing affair, he’s right—at this point what does it matter? But I do want to know this—“But why Stacey? I mean, she’s basically me, isn’t she?”
“Nooooo. …” He shakes his head vehemently. “Stacey is nothing like you. Stacey is self-centered, selfish, strongly opinionated even when she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and makes her needs known.” He makes her sound like the female dog reference from that self-help book I read. “But it’s also that we have more in common, and I can imagine a life with her. She doesn’t want to explore the world. She’s happy sitting on a beach sipping a cool drink. And I don’t feel guilty if she wants to do something that I don’t because she just goes and does it.”
“Obviously.” I can’t help the crude thought that she wanted to do Neil, and so she did.
“None of this is an excuse, I know,” he says, his eyes apologetic and he leans forward to look me straight in the eye. “Allison, I apologize a million times over. You are the kindest, sweetest, greatest person I know, and you deserve someone who makes you happy. We were never going to be happy. You should be with someone where you can be yourself.”
He’s still a rat bastard for cheating on me, but everything he says is true. I wasn’t really happy. I was checking off the box that said, “Find a suitable mate.” Neil wasn’t a bad guy, at least he wasn’t until he cheated. But the thing is, after the shock of his betrayal, lately, without Neil I’ve felt a whole lot happier than I did during our relationship.
“For what it’s worth, Stacey wanted me to tell you she’s sorry.” He looks contrite on her behalf.
“For what it’s worth, she can call and tell me herself.” I lean back and cross my arms again. Whereas Neil had some redeeming qualities until we broke up, after reading that friendship book, I realized Stacey is the bad guy and always has been.
He nods understandingly and then swallows. “So this next part is awkward. But, uh, I was wondering if you still had the ring?”
“My engagement ring?” I ask suspiciously.
He rubs the back of his head, his nervous tick. “I hate to ask, but I was wondering if I could have it back? With the baby coming and all. …” He trails off and makes a grimace.
And there he is—the rat bastard shows his true colors. So much for any redeeming qualities.
“Sorry.” I hold up my arm. “But see this great tan? Turns out you did give me a great gift after all. I sold the ring to go to Costa Rica.”
His ears turn red. “I figured as much. But Stacey wanted me to ask.”
He’s already hiding behind her. What a coward. The two of them deserve each other.
“So this is goodbye,” I say. It’s a statement, not a question.
“For now. I mean, we still live in the same city so I’m sure we’re going to see each other again. You’re a good person and I hope someday we can be friends.”
“We’ll see.” I’m not friends with cheaters, but I let his comment slide. I started this relationship compromising with him, might as well end with it.
After a final awkward hug that I allow him, Neil offers to walk me out, but I shake my head. “I’m waiting for someone.”
“Oh, okay. Bye, Allison.” He looks at me for a couple more seconds and then turns to go out the door.
Five years together with this person I’d thought I’d spend my life with, and now it’s as if a stranger just walked out the door.
Once he’s gone, Eric is there. He puts his hand on my shoulder again. “How are you?”
I turn to him and smile. “I’m good.” Meaning it, now that I’m looking at my new friend.
“Good. I couldn’t tell much from my vantage point, and while I tried to eavesdrop, customers kept interrupting me. How rude, right?”
I laugh. “So rude.”
He looks at my outfit appraisingly. “So what’s next? Are you headed somewhere?”
“No. Though I could use a drink after that.”
“Would you like some company?”
“Yes, please!” I press my palms together into a prayer position and Eric chuckles at my dramatic gesture.
“Okay. Can you wait about ten? Fifteen minutes?”
“Of course.”
While Eric goes to coordinate with his staff or whatever he’s doing, I take the time to text Jordan: Just got done meeting Neil.
How did it go? Want to talk?
It was fine. I’ll call you tomorrow. Going to have a drink with Eric now.
Good girl! Onto the next! LOL!
Ha! XO
I always find it endearing when Jordan laughs at her own jokes.
The numbness I felt watching Neil walk out the door is gone, and now every fiber in my body is buzzing, and I can’t stop grinning in anticipation of drinks with Eric. I’m not sure which sensation is more unsettling.
When I finish texting Jordan, I discreetly flip my iPhone camera into selfie mode to get a look at myself. Just then I feel a hand on my back and a voice, “Any spinach?” Eric leans over my phone and smiles into it.
“Ha-ha,” I say, busted. “I’m just checking my lip gloss.” Sometimes honesty is the best and easiest policy. “Ready?”
“Let’s do it,” he says and makes a sweeping gesture. “After you.”
WE SIT KITTY-CORNER from each other in one of the high-top corner booths at Maple & Ash and each order a glass of champagne.
After we’ve toasted and had our first sips, Eric asks, “So did you get the answers you wanted?”
“Yes. Even though it was tough to hear, he didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t figured out on my own. But maybe there’s some comfort in hearing him confirm it all.” Then I grin at Eric. “And thanks for checking up on me.”
“Ha! I wasn’t sure if I was interrupting or helping. I kept trying to pass by to hear what was going on.”
“Just some harsh truths, but I’m at fault too.”
He holds up his hand. “Sorry, but there’s never any excuse to cheat. That’s all on him.”
“Agreed. Let’s toast to that too. It’s all on Neil.” We clink and drink. “Honestly, though, Neil and I should’ve called it quits after the first year, but I just kept trying to make it work when we weren’t really right for each other. And it turns out, my determination to make it work made him determined too.”
“Weak sauce,” Eric interjects. “Though as a guy, I’ve been guilty of staying in what I knew were not long-term relationships when I knew they were looking for a ring. But eventually someone has to give up and move on.”
“So how did those relationships end?” I’m curious, but also a little weirded out by the idea of Eric dating.