“No, I brought you out here because neither of us had anything better to do and I thought it would be a good time to get a start on our project. What better place than this?” He looks up and waves his hand across the sky, and that’s when I see it. Or them, rather. Every star in the sky shining down on us. Like nothing I’ve ever seen before. “Lay back.” He pulls me down as he lays flat on the blanket.
“It’s… It’s beautiful.” I turn my head to face him.
“Right? I love it here.” He props himself up on his elbow and looks at my face to take in my reaction.
“I’ve never done this before.” I cross my arms over my chest. My own way of shielding myself.
“Looked at the stars?”
I shake my head, no. It’s true. In the eighteen years of my life, I’ve never laid outside and looked at the stars. I knew they were up there; I’ve seen stars before in passing, but I’ve never really looked at them. Until now.
“See that W in the sky. That one’s ours.” Jasper points. I look but I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Do you see it?”
“No, I don’t see a W.” I laugh. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”
“Northeast.” He points. “Have you ever done a connect the dots drawing?”
I nod. “I think so.”
“Look at it like that. Don’t look at the cluster. Connect them. The fainter ones, that’s Perseus. Behind that, the brighter ones that make a W, that’s Cassiopeia. That’s our constellation.”
“I see it. I think I see it, anyways.” I jump up, still looking at the sky. I point, “She’s a beauty.” I look down and our eyes catch, his dark eyes reading me like I’m a textbook. Suddenly, I feel inadequate, vulnerable rather.
“Why that one?”
“She’s the queen. Why not?”
“And where is her king?”
“Behind her, always behind her.”
“You seem to know a lot about astronomy.” I sit down beside Jasper, who is now lying with his arms folded under his head.
“I’ve always been fascinated by it. I mean, look at it. What’s not to be fascinated about?” He lifts his arms to the sky. “All of that up there, it has to mean something. Don’t you think?”
“I guess so. I’ve never really thought about it. Tell me more about Cassa…”
“Cassiopeia. Well, she was a queen. That house shaped connection behind her, that’s Cepheus, her king. Cassiopeia was a very vain woman who thought she was more beautiful than anything. She probably was, but her vanity got her in a lot of trouble, her daughter Andromeda was also punished for her boastfulness. Sometimes you see a W, sometimes you see an M, that's because she dangles, or hangs upside down, in danger of falling out.”
Next thing I know, I’m lying down with my hands folded under my head, watching him talk. His words echo in my ears as I watch his mouth move. His perfect lips speaking with passion and knowledge. Unaware of what he's saying, I watch his stomach move up and down with each breath and feel the urge to put my hand on his chest just to feel his heartbeat.
“Her king, he’s got her back. He suffers from her behavior but he doesn’t go anywhere. That’s the way it is when you’re in love, I suppose. Don’t ya think?”
“Huh?” I shoot up.
“Did you hear anything I just said?” His lips are agape and they slowly lift at the corner.
“Umm, yeah. She’s a queen and her king stays by her side because he loves her.”
Jasper laughs. “Anyway, so that’s our constellation. Glad we at least got a start on this project. We should head back.”
“We still have more wine.” I don’t want to go. I’m suddenly intrigued and not ready for this night to end. Not ready to go back to my house, alone.
“I shouldn’t. I have to drive. How about if we finish this up in my backyard? We can talk more about the project... or just hang out... if you want.”
I realize that I am watching his lips move and when they no longer do, my eyes are still on them until I look up and see him watching me. They widen and he grins, his cheeks matching my shade of pink. After watching him watch me last night through my window, I didn’t think it was possible to make him feel uncomfortable, but I think I just did it.
“Ok. That sounds nice.” I smile. Not forced. Not faked. A genuine smile in response to genuine happiness. Until my phone vibrates.
I ignore it. Not wanting to face the outside world just yet. When we get back in the car, it vibrates again, so I look.
My smile fades. My stomach drops and my cheeks flush again, this time not with embarrassment but rage.
“Everything ok?” Jasper asks, as he glances over at my phone in my hands. I stare down at the picture of Petra and Levi. He’s in some sort of brace overtop his suit and she’s got her dirty lips pressed to his cheek. “Why do you have a picture of Petra? I thought you hated that girl?”
“How do you feel about making a quick stop at the school?” I keep my eyes on the phone and my outer voice calm, as my inner voice howls.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, B. Whatever it is, let it go.”
“Easy for you to say. Your date didn’t blow you off and go with your enemy.” I look over to Jasper who’s jaw dropped in response.
“Oh hell, B. I really think we should just go home. You don’t wanna do anything you’ll regret.”
“I don’t?” I question him, questioning myself in the process. I don’t live with regrets. I live in the moment, and in this moment, I definitely want to stop at that dance, dress or not.
“Please. Let it go for now.”
“Why do you care?” I snap. “You don’t know me. You don’t know how I feel so quit acting like you know what’s best for me.”
“Annnnd, she’s back.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You know what, nevermind. Just take me home.” I hiss, crossing my arms in front of me.
“Come on, we were having fun. Don’t ruin it.” He looks over to me with his head cocked to the side, sporting a grin.
I feel anger rising inside, burning my cheeks that are likely flushed bright red at this point. When I get to this point, I spew words without thinking, but even when I do take a second to think, I say them anyways. Sometimes I regret it, most of the time I don’t.
“No, actually it was lame. Just as I expected it would be. Take me home.” I turn my head and look out the window.
Jasper is taken aback by my words and doesn’t speak for the rest of the ride home. That regret stuff — this is one of those times I feel it.
I don’t even look at him. I know that was cold. I hate that I always put my foot in my mouth and then I don’t have the decency to admit it.
I fold my hands together and nuzzle them between my legs. Glancing over at Jasper, I notice he seems hurt by my words. For good reason. I really should try and get ahold of myself. He’s one of the good ones. I can tell he is. He may send out a villain vibe, but I get the feeling he has demons just as I do. We see them and feel their presence but others don’t even know they are there. At least with me, Jasper is kind. If only I knew how to act the same toward him. He doesn’t deserve my callousness.