I nod and bite back my smile before he presses a chaste kiss to my cheek.
A sudden knock at the door has us both wide-eyed.
“Shhhh.” I put my hand over his mouth.
“Blakely,” Knox says through closed door, as he attempts to turn the handle. “Just wanted to make sure you’re doing ok.”
Thank God the door is locked. If he ever knew I just had sex with Jasper in his old playroom where we built towers with Legos as kids, he’d lose his shit.
“I’m fine. Just lying down. I’ll be out in a few.” I fake a frown that turns into a smile when I look at Jasper.
I wait a few moments before unfreezing to make sure he’s gone.
“That was too close.” I sigh, throwing my head back on the pillow.
“You don’t regret this do you?” He nuzzles his face into crease of my neck.
“Not unless you give me a reason to.”
Please don’t give me a reason to.
“I’ll never hurt you, that I can promise.” He leans forward and presses his lips to mine.
I hope he’s right. I don’t think my heart could survive the break.
Jasper pulls off the condom and balls it in his fist as he slides his shorts back on, kissing me on the forehead, before walking out the door.
“Lock it,” I whisper.
When I’m alone with my thoughts, I continue to lay in bed, smiling at the ceiling. Feeling more warmth inside of me than ever before. Unsure of what to make of all of this, it’s officially confirmed that I am falling hard.
Looking back, I can’t even remember why I ever let Brady Nillson take something that was meant for someone else. I guess it’s because at that time, all of my friends were losing their virginity. I never planned to hold out until marriage or anything like that, I just knew I wanted it to be with someone who made me feel a certain way. I can still smell the stench of gin on his breath, getting drunk off his kisses alone. He was wasted. He was a senior in high school and the captain of the football team—I had just started my junior year and was trying to hold up my reputation with the varsity squad. We all have parts of our lives we wish we could erase; unfortunately, our past is written in permanent marker—it’s always there.
When I’m finally dressed, I walk into the hallway and I can hear Jasper talking aggressively to someone. I creep down the hall and his door is cracked open. My first thought is Knox, however, his conversation is one-sided.
“Jimmy, I’m paying you good money for this. I need more than an officer's name; I want the fucking driver.”
I creep closer as the conversations heats up.
“Contact whoever the hell you need to. It’s been too long and you’ve given me nothing but hearsay, I want facts and I want them soon.”
After that last word, I hear a sudden thud that startles me as the wall shakes. I walk briskly back down the hallway and into my room, closing the door behind me.
What the hell was that?
Chapter Nineteen
Jasper
I shake my hand, instantly regretting the force behind the punch. Running my fingers over the small dent in the drywall, I make a mental note to fix that before Dad sees it. He’s already had to deal with enough from me lately. My pain quickly diminishes when I revisit the events of tonight. Finally feeling B around me as her body pressed against mine, her cute expressions as I watched her with her eyes closed. So fucking sexy.
I shoot her a text to see if she’s willing to work on our project.
Me: Going to bed?
B: Wide awake. Round two?
Me: I’m game if you are, but I’m warning you, you’re gonna be hurting tomorrow.
B: I like pain, it reminds me that I’m alive.
Me: How about after we work on this project?
B: Always a student, first.
Me: Have to be. Need the grades.
B: I’ll come to you. Be there in five.
Me: Can’t wait.
It’s three o’clock in the morning when I glance at my phone. Woken up by the constant thud of footsteps down the hall. What the hell is wrong with the people in this house? I jump out of bed and stomp to the door, hoping that whoever it is hears me and gets the point that people are trying to sleep in this damn house.
I tear open the door, expecting to find Knox; instead, I see B, tears streaming down her face and a look of panic in her eyes.
“Hey, hey. What’s going on?” I say softly, as I walk to her and wrap my arms around her.
She nuzzles her face into my neck and sniffles. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just...”
“It’s ok. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
She lifts her head and pulls in a breath of air. “I was going to Knox’s room. Then I thought, maybe I’d come to your room. But I wasn’t sure if you’d want me here or if Knox would be mad.” She continues to ramble a bunch of words that don’t make any sense to me. I’m not even sure if they make sense to her. All I heard in all of it was ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d want me.’
“You can always come to me.” I pull away with my hands lying on her shoulders. “Always.”
She nods her head repeatedly as I lead her back to my bedroom. I close the door behind us and we take a seat on the bed.
Rubbing my tired eyes, I let out a tiresome yawn.
“You’re tired. We were up late working on the project. I should go.” She stands to leave, but I pull her back down.
“Don’t be silly. Talk to me.” I grab my blanket to cover her, she has to be freezing in her satin shorts and tank top.
“You know how I passed out at the hospital?” She stares straight ahead, avoiding eye contact.
I nod in response.
“It’s a defense mechanism. My parents think I do it on purpose, but I don’t. I’m not really sure why it happens. For a while, it was just a momentary black out. Over the years, it's gotten worse. My therapist says it’s my body’s way of protecting me from over stimuli when certain situations are too much for me to handle.”
I trace my fingers up and down her arm as she continues to talk.
“I never know when it’s going to happen. Sometimes I can combat the stress on my own, other times, my mind goes into hiding.”
“I know,” I tell her. I heard a different version from her dad, but I got the gist of it.
“You do?”
“Sort of. I think. Did it happen again? Tonight?”
She shakes her head no. “Tonight was the other part of my craziness coming out. Tonight, it was the nightmares. I have them frequently.” She looks over to me, seeking a reaction. She probably expects me to run for the hills, but little does she know, I’m not going anywhere. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
“Not at all.” I begin to twirl her loose hair around my finger. “What are the nightmares about?”
The stretch of silence seems so loud as she struggles to speak.
I just wait.
I wait until she’s ready to talk.
“I never talk about this to anyone but Knox.”
“If you don’t want to…”
“I do. I want to tell you.” She cuts me off.
More silence.
“My life hasn’t always been this chaotic. Believe it or not, my parents were parents once. When I was eleven years old, there was a chain reaction of events that left my family shattered—beyond repair. Each day I had hoped we would begin to put the pieces back together, but the fragments continued to multiply, to the point that we all gave up. I like to think that I’ve seen the worst of it, but that’s not the case. Talon was on the receiving end of the destruction. Mom, too, but I found it hard to empathize with her when all she did was fuel the fire.”