Now there was this…defiance. This challenge. Janice was facing off with her.
Could it be because her grandmother’s affairs were finally settled? She’d informed her of that, relieved and grateful it was finally over. Janice had seemed happy for her, but now that Carla thought about it, her mood change had begun after that.
Carla considered shaking off her challenging comment, to just move on and enjoy the holiday. But something about the way Janice was looking at her, like she was daring her to engage with her on this, made her decide to do otherwise.
“Maybe you don’t realize just how well I do know you. Or maybe you refuse to acknowledge it.”
“What are you implying?” she asked, finally meeting her gaze.
“I’m not implying anything. I’m telling you I know you very well.”
“And I’m telling you that you don’t. You don’t know my thoughts or my feelings.”
Carla laughed. “Yes, regarding some things, I believe I do. Even if you haven’t admitted them to yourself.”
Janice’s brow furrowed, and for the first time in years, Carla saw anger in her.
“What things? What thoughts and feelings of mine do you think you know about?”
“You really want to do this here? You do, don’t you. It’s why you’re facing off with me like this. You want things said. You need them out in the open. Because this dance between us, these unspoken feelings and your hiding, you can’t do it anymore. And frankly, neither can I. So, yes, Janice I’m pretty sure I know what you’re thinking and feeling when it comes to some things.”
“Such as?” She didn’t even blink, but her cheeks were scarlet and her eyes too seeking to be hard with anger.
“Love,” Carla let out.
Janice scoffed.
“Desire,” Carla added.
She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to appear unaffected, but she was clearly shaken. Carla saw it all.
“You’re full of shit, Carla Sims. You don’t know how I feel about those things,” she whispered looking away.
“Don’t I?”
She wouldn’t look at her.
“I do know what you’re feeling, Janice. And I know exactly what it is you want.”
“Yeah, and what’s that?” She finally looked at her, eyes narrowed.
“Me.”
The word seemed to hit her eyes first. The accusatory and disbelieving look she’d had just a split second before, was replaced with the shock of cognizance and exposure. She pressed her lips together, swallowed, and swayed ever so slightly. Carla braced her upper arm and she stiffened and forced back her shoulders.
She’d been unmasked, which was what she’d intended to have happen with her confrontation, even if she hadn’t consciously been aware of it. But there it was. It was out now, and she was overwhelmed at the suddenness of it. Carla had to give her credit, though. She was doing her best to recover quickly.
“Do you have any idea how self-righteous and sanctimonious you sound right now? You don’t know everything, Carla.”
“So, you’re saying I’m wrong?”
She started to reply but stammered.
“Why won’t you just admit it? To me, to yourself. You hint at it at times. Throw me crumbs that I can see and sense, but then you backpedal. Why can’t you accept your feelings, Janice? Why are you denying yourself the freedom to feel? Are you afraid to admit that you have feelings for a woman? Is that what it is? Because that’s okay. Just be honest about it.”
She stammered again, obviously flustered. The scarlet of her cheeks deepened, and her eyes flashed with what anyone else would see as anger. But Carla saw nothing of the sort. She saw fear.
“Please, talk to me,” Carla said.
“Not everything is as easy for others as they obviously are for you. And you thinking you know everything…it’s just asinine.”
She turned on her heel, like she wanted to flee, but a young woman with short lavender colored hair and a nose ring stood in her way.
“Dr. Carpenter,” the young woman said. “Happy Fourth.” She smiled at Janice, but her attention was then solely on Carla.
“Dakota. Hi,” Janice said. The adrenaline from their conversation was still evident, but she was obviously trying to adjust. She shifted her stance several times and she didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands. The smile she gave Dakota was polite, but it wasn’t full, and it didn’t reach her eyes. And she made it a point to avoid looking at Carla, even though Dakota wasn’t.
“What a surprise,” Janice said, getting no reply from Dakota. When Janice finally noticed that Dakota’s full attention was on Carla, her put-upon smile fell and a look Carla had never seen in her clouded her face, setting a truly pained expression in stone.
There was no mistaking what that look represented, no matter how hard Janice may try to deny it.
It was jealousy.
“I know, right?” Dakota brought her gaze back quickly to Janice. She pointed back over her shoulder. “I’m here with Trace. You know, Trace from class?”
“Yes,” Janice said, seeming to only half-heartedly search the crowd.
“He’s dating Wendy who I guess is related to someone here?”
“She is,” Carla said. “She’s a cousin. Somewhere along the line.”
Dakota laughed and scanned Carla up and down before blazing a very noticeable “I’m extremely interested” look directly into Carla’s eyes.
It didn’t go unnoticed, by Carla or Janice, who appeared to be so intense and so wound up in response, Carla thought she rivaled the rattlesnakes back home in Arizona. In fact, if Carla were Dakota, she wouldn’t dare step anywhere near her for fear of her strike. Dakota, unfortunately, didn’t seem to be familiar with the ways of a rattlesnake.
“You’re Carla Sims, right?” she asked, holding out her hand. “Dakota Reems.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Janice said. “Dakota, this is Carla. She’s quite attractive and quite single. But don’t let that fool you. Carla is no longer interested in love or relationships.”
Carla laughed, stunned.
Dakota, however, seemed amused. She raised an eyebrow and gave a grin that bordered on smirk as she shook hands with Carla. “I hear you’re a teacher, too. High school.”
“She is,” Janice said. “She’s quite good, too, from what I heard from her late grandmother.”
Carla said nothing, Janice’s jealousy and hurt obvious, but her intent a mystery.
Dakota continued.
“I saw Dr. Carpenter over here talking to you and I asked Wendy who you were. So, I thought I’d come over and say hello.” Again, the smirk. Again, at Carla.
Carla found the cockiness the raised eyebrow and smirk suggested unappealing. She would’ve felt the same if she’d met her alone, but meeting her this way, at the expense of Janice, aggravated her profusely.
She wasn’t about to allow this young woman to use Janice to get close to her. It was rude and with the feelings Carla knew Janice had for her, seriously torturous.
“That’s nice,” Carla said, determined to make things right. “I’ve heard Dr. Carpenter is a wonderful teacher herself. Very popular with her students.”