Janice gripped Mamie’s hand. Mamie squeezed hers in return.
“That’s why I’m giving this to you. Because I see your aunt Gale in you. And I think, now that you seen those photos, that you do too.”
Janice was speechless. Her heart raced with anguish from her aunt’s despair, love from the familiar passion she must’ve felt for Liza and comfort in the form of recognition. Of feeling a connection with a woman she hadn’t really known at all. A kindred spirit.
“And I think the reason Liza seems so familiar to you is because…well, because she’s a lot like your friend.”
Janice smiled before she could stop herself. She tried to cover it with her hand.
But Mamie gently pulled her hand away.
“Carla Sims is your Liza.”
Janice’s breath hitched and she tried to cover her mouth again, this time to try to stave off tears. But Mamie wouldn’t let her. She kept hold of her hand, kept their gaze locked.
“You don’t got to be afraid, sugar. Not with me. I knew about your aunt Gale even before she did. I was the one who told her she was in love with Liza. And that she outta quit fighting it and just be with her. Because there was no doubt that Liza was in love with Gale. She fell for Gale the second she saw her the summer Liza moved to town.”
She smiled softly. “And now, after all these years, I’m sitting here telling you the same thing. Hoping you’ll quit fighting it. You are in love with Carla Sims. I knew it the second I asked you about her. When you was sitting right here on this couch. You couldn’t hide it, not from me. Because when I looked at you that day, when we was talking about Carla, I saw the way your eyes was a-shining and that little smile of yours kept reappearing. I saw the way you blushed, the way you fidgeted. Sugar, I saw my sister. She was in you, staring right back at me.
“And when I heard Carla had left and that you was all tore up, well, I knew for sure then. I just kept hoping and waiting for you to come around. I figured at some point you would.”
She brushed her hand across Janice’s cheek. “Quit fighting it, child. And go be with her. She’s your someone special and when you got someone like that, you can’t take it for granted.” She nodded toward the photo. “They’d tell you the same thing. Be together while you can. For as long as you can. You don’t want to have any regrets and you don’t want to feel like you didn’t get enough time.”
She patted her leg, took the photo, set it in the box, and closed the lid.
“Take Gale and Liza with you. Look at their photos. At their faces. See the love. Read their letters and feel the love. You do that, sugar, and you won’t have any more trouble in finding those answers you’re after. This town, these people, they’re all in your heart and in your mind. You can call upon them anytime, just like you did today. You don’t got to be here to do that.”
Hot tears streamed down Janice’s face. She hugged Mamie so hard she protested, but Janice didn’t ease up. She held tight and sobbed into the sweet scent of her neck.
Mamie soothed her and stroked her back. “It’s okay, sugar. It’s okay. You can let it all go now. Just let go and let love do its thing. You been waiting long enough.”
“I’m just so scared,” Janice said, pulling back. “Not so much of everyone knowing, I mean, I’m still not exactly relaxed over it or anything. But I’m getting there. I’m more scared of seeing Carla. Of telling her how I feel about her. I was—I told her to leave, Mamie. That was my response to her telling me she loves me. She would have every right to slam the door in my face.”
“She told you she loves you?”
“Yes. And so much more. And I—I was a coward. I pushed her away. I can’t bear the thought that I’ve lost her forever. It’s just too terrifying.”
“That’s how you know you got to go tell her. Your fear. You being afraid is how you know your feelings are real. That they are strong and deep and worth more than anything. If they wasn’t that deep and meaningful, you wouldn’t be so scared. If you ain’t doing things that scare you from time to time, then you ain’t living. That’s what my Mama used to say.”
She wiped Janice’s tears with the backs of her fingers.
“It’s about time you started living, sugar.”
Janice gripped her hands. “As always, Mamie. I think you may be right.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
Carla turned off the steaming flow of water with her toe, satisfied with the increased warmth of her bath water. She’d been soaking long enough for the water to cool, but rather than climb out and face another night going to bed alone, where she’d no doubt spend hours chasing sleep that just wouldn’t come, she’d topped off the tub with more hot water, content to remain where she was, where at least the temperature of the water could heat her body. Her insides however, and that spot just behind her sternum, the place that had recently been reanimated and filled to the brim with light and love, had stilled and gone dark, as if it had been unplugged. Nothing, it seemed, could penetrate the chill that now resided there.
She sank farther into the bath, submerging her shoulders and the back of her head, the water flowing around her ears. Her eyes fell closed and she tried to relax her mind, hoping it would follow her body and give in to the massage of the heated water. But so far it was refusing and even the muffled, womb-like sound in her ears wasn’t enough to help. Her varied attempts to block out the world, which had grown more significant with the passing of days, continued to fail.
Nadine, unfortunately, had noticed and she’d been blowing up her phone since she’d returned home. It wasn’t like Carla hadn’t tried to move on and go on with her life with a good attitude and a smile on her face. She’d spent time with friends, gone out for meals and drinks, smiled, laughed, cried. She had done those things with every intention of carrying on. But her attempts had fallen flat. Her friends hadn’t bought into it. Her despair was just too deep to mask. Nadine had said her sadness orbited her, surrounding her like a bubble, somehow fixed to her like the pull of a magnet. Carla had argued with her, but arguing with Nadine was pointless, especially when Carla knew she was right. So, instead of battling with her and instead of feigning off the overly concerned looks from her friends, she’d started staying at home and avoiding everyone altogether.
At least at home she was free to wallow in her misery. That is, when Nadine wasn’t dialing her number every other hour. She’d remedied that though and given Nadine her own ring tone. She could better avoid her calls, and more importantly, she could stop jumping up with a rush of hope and excitement, thinking it might be Janice, only to be crushed with disappointment.
Though she knew it was probably pointless, she’d also assigned a ring tone for Janice, wanting to be sure she’d know it was her if she called. But the song she’d chosen, “At Last” by Etta James, had yet to play anywhere other than her mind where it seemed to repeat continuously. She could even hear it now. In the bath. Under the water. Like it was somewhere in the distance.
She opened her eyes, something sounding off, different. The same line of the song was repeating. She sat up. Listened.
Nothing. She rubbed her face, confused. She thought about slipping down into the water again, but Etta James called out. This time clear as a bell. Close by. She scrambled from the tub, slid into her satin robe, and hurried into her bedroom. She scooped up her phone, her motionless and cold heart suddenly careening and beating with fire, saw Janice’s name on the screen, and answered.