“Patrick,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I lost my baby.”
“Shit,” he muttered, rushing to her side. His arms gently and slowly surrounded her, holding her to him like a precious thing. White-knuckled, her hands clung to his shirt.
“I’m sorry.” He lay his cheek against her hair. “So fucking sorry, Nell. My beautiful girl … I should have been there. Should never have left.”
The sound of Nell’s sobbing filled the room. All of her agony set free.
Joe turned, blinking rapidly. I did the same, throat tight and raw. Without a word we left, giving them their privacy. It all still felt like waking from a nightmare, the world hostile and strange, and my body shaking. At least she had Pat now.
“Wasn’t sure if I should call him,” said Eric in a quiet voice as we returned to the waiting room.
“You did the right thing.” Vaughan reached out a hand, squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sorry about the baby, Eric.”
Dazed, he nodded and sat back down next to his mom. She immediately took his hand, clasping it between both of hers. Stan sat rigid, face almost confused. Guess it was too much emotion to handle, too many people. His sons were hurting and he did nothing. To be so locked down couldn’t be easy. Did he feel like a failure of a father or did he feel nothing at all?
I sat, staring up at the fluorescent lights marching across the ceiling in such neat lines. One half of my face throbbed. Also, there may or may not have been a steel spike shoved through my brain. I’d never had a headache like this.
“Alex?” someone spoke in front of me. Slowly, gradually, Rosie’s face swam into view. “You need to rest.”
“Hey.”
Gently, she took my arm, lifting me to my feet. The world around me straightened. Or at least it stopped spinning for a while.
“Come on,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’ll drive you back to the hotel.”
A few feet away stood Joe, his agonized gaze fixed on his brother. Right. Of course. He should probably be with his family. They probably wanted to be alone right now. Still, I had to check.
I slid my hand over his, tilted my head. “Joe? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?”
The man had been far, far away. Lost inside his head. He blinked rapid-fire, as if my words were traveling from a distance.
“No.” He shook his head. “Thanks.”
“Rosie said she can take me back to the hotel. But I’m happy to stay.”
Without a word, he lifted his hand, carefully touching the mess on the right side of my face. Lines sunk deep into his forehead. “Fuck, look at you. I’m so sorry.”
The look in his eyes killed me. I took his hand, kissed it. “Not your fault. Not even a little. Get that thought out of your head.”
“I barely stopped,” he said. “If I’d just … if I’d waited a little longer I might have seen him.”
“You stopped. You did the right thing. He was the one driving in the dark with no goddamn lights on.”
Joe just shook his head.
“I’m going to stay,” I said to Rosie, giving her a brief smile. Christ, even that hurt.
“No, go,” said Joe. Then he shoved his hands under his arms, out of reach. “You should go.”
I just looked at him.
“It’s okay,” said Joe.
Bullshit.
“I should be with my family,” he said in a low voice.
“Okay. Call me if you need me.” I softly rubbed his arm. We were all so broken and pummeled. No touch was safe. “I’ll be at the hotel. Come see me anytime.”
A nod.
Eric sat forward in his chair, staring at the ground. His mom had her arm wrapped tight around his shoulders, whispering in his ear. Stan sat there as stiff as ever. Vaughan tipped his chin at me. Lydia was stretched out on the seats with her head in his lap, seemingly asleep.
“Joe!” A blonde strode toward us, a collection of silver bracelets clinking on her wrists, long skirt swishing about her ankles. Guess she was some sort of relative or a friend I hadn’t met yet. God, she was a boho queen. Her features were a little sharp, but her hair was long and flowy. And either she hadn’t noticed his bruises, or she didn’t care, and threw herself at him.
“Star,” he said with wide eyes, proceeding to pat her awkwardly on the back. “What are you doing here?”
“I hit the road as soon as I got Eric’s message.” Stretching up on tippy-toes, she pressed her lips to his. Not family. And certainly not just friends. My stomach dropped straight through the floor. What the ever-loving fuck?
Joe turned his face away, breaking the kiss. Then he looked to his brother.
“She’s Nell’s best friend and your, ah…” Eric just shrugged. “I figured she should know.”
“Okay.”
“Sweetie.” She sighed. “Oh, Joe. What happened?”
“Car crash,” he said bluntly, still eyeing her like she’d appeared from another planet. “Pat’s in with Nell now, we’re giving them some privacy. Where the hell have you even been?”
At that, she inched back just a little. “Arizona, mostly. You know how I love the heat.”
“Right.”
“But I was only in Montana when I heard, so…”
Joe said nothing.
“Star. It’s lovely to see you, dear.” Joe’s mom opened her arms to the woman. Christ, the woman was being greeted like long-lost family. If I hadn’t already guessed that Star and Joe had been together in the past, the nervous look Audrey gave me out of the corner of her eye clued me in just fine. Even Stan offered the woman an almost affectionate looking nod. Give me strength.
Next, Star knelt down in front of Eric, holding his hands. They talked softly together. Meanwhile, Joe looked on, brows knitted and gaze glued to the woman.
No way had I been given enough painkillers to deal with this. Someone would need to set me up with a morphine drip at the very least.
“Alex?” asked Rosie gently.
“Who is she?” I whispered. But Joe heard me anyway.
“Hey,” he said, face filled with tension and gaze shifting between me and Star. “Alex, we’ll talk later. Okay?”
I nodded, on the verge of tears for some dumbass reason. What a night.
“Let’s go.” Rosie walked me out with a hand on my lower back, guiding me out of the building.
It was something like four in the morning. Almost dawn. Still the stars shone brightly. Fresh cold air flooded my lungs, breathing new life back into me. So much bad had happened in the last few hours. How remarkable that life could just go on.
* * *
Back in the hotel room, I did what I always did during times like this—when I felt alone, like I was the last person on earth, lost and hurting. In need.
She picked up on the fifth ring. “Hello? Alex?”
“Valerie. I’m sorry to wake you.”
“What happened? You sound weird. What’s wrong?”
“We were in a car accident,” I said.
“You fucking what?” she screeched in my ear.
Ouch. “It’s okay. Everyone’s going to be okay, I guess. I just … it’s been a pretty messed up night. I needed to talk to you.”