Sickening how I had such a strong distaste for the man but refused to leave his home. I wrapped myself in his shirts and sweatpants. Wore his socks and boxers. Sprayed on his cologne. I wanted to smell like him. Breathe him in until he became real.
Thinking about him kept me up all day. I knew something was wrong and that pained me. JD wasn’t even responding to my calls and that really put me in a funk.
Wrapping my arms around my waist, I looked out his large bay windows watching the guards walk around the compound. This had become my norm. Guards and more guards. Life had changed. My life had really changed, and I needed him.
My fixation and obsession to manifest Amell’s presence caused me to stare at a shadow of his reflection in the mirror. As if he was here, the figment of my imagination stood behind me. The image looked so real. Those piercing and menacing onyx eyes. His narrow jawline and plump, suckable lips. His wide muscular shoulders and build, and of course he was dressed in all black.
“Get a grip, Krishna,” I scowled, myself shaking my head with closed eyes. My need for him, my hunger to hear his dark deep timber, it all had me forming holograms.
Crazy.
So crazy that with my eyes closed I felt his lips on my neck. His lips felt so real. His hands on my waist, roaming all over my body, it all felt so real. It felt like him.
“I love you so much, Krishna.” I heard the voice and turned around.
Seeing him here in the flesh, I cried, throwing my body into his open arms. “Why did you leave me? I miss you so much.” I covered his chocolate with my kisses.
Amell picked me up and carried me to our bedroom. “I’m so sorry.” He could save the apology. He came to me. How, I don’t even care.
Quietly and swiftly, my clothes were discarded and his body covered mine. Each time he tried removing his mouth from me I held his tongue hostage. Kissing him set my soul on fire. Kissing him made me cry. Kissing him soothed the ache in my heart. Kissing him tasted like the sweetest candy.
“Stop fighting me,” he grunted trying to penetrate my soaked walls.
“Amell,” I gasped his name at his intrusion. He broke through and already I felt my heart reach out to cleave to him like we weren’t already merged into one vessel.
Each stroke he made. Each dip and whine of his hips to hit my spot, I met him thrust for thrust. While he used his sex to tell me how sorry he was I used mine to take.
I took it all, desperately wanting to drain him of his last breath so he had no other choice but to replenish from my well. I’m not sure if we were making love or fighting in war. He fought back by deliciously, slowly pounding into me and fought back by squeezing the life out of him.
“Baby, push back on me,” he breathed in my ear.
On all fours I gave it my all. Dipped my back into the lowest arch that’d make the freakiest pornstar jealous and used my hips to bring out all of his moans. I don’t care how much he wanted me to push. I don’t care how long he thought we were going to last, I never wanted to go that long without him and I made sure he knew it.
I wanted him to unleash his inner beast. That savage I knew was within. Amell thought making love to me was going to coat the wounds. No. I wanted his essence to dance over each wound until mercy stitched us together. Together we created the perfect ecstasy that surpassed the next degree. We matched each other’s energy. Parallel so intense that we were skating on the moon.
I gave and he pounded. He stroked and I took.
Behind my eyes I watched the planets realign and our atoms combine.
My stomach contracted. My legs began their twerk vibrations. We both moaned from places deep within.
As my body released, I emptied him. He became my perfect rolled sativa if I ever smoked. I remember when we shared I love you’s. I had long ago loved him, falling so fast and so deep that nothing could catch me. Not even gravity had the power to catch me. Organically and naturally, we created a serenity that spoke our language of intensity, transparency, and heavenly melodies.
His apologies became ghostly whispers in my ear as I settled back down to earth. I welcomed the weight of his body on my back, thanking him silently for covering me with his warmth.
I can’t say why Amell finally showed up. I can’t even say that I’m mad that we used our bodies as first communication in weeks. What I do know is, if he ever sought me out to exhale, I’d be there ready to give him the air he needed to inhale. “Please don’t leave me,” I muttered before falling into a well needed sleep.
Amell
For a week I’ve been hiding from my brothers. Hiding in my own damn house when they came over to check on Krishna. Yesterday I almost cracked when Keatyn brought over Ariana. She wanted to sit in my study and read her library books. My little bookworm wanted to feel connected to me somehow, so she came to the place where my scent filtered the most.
From the security cameras in my panic room I watched her. Listened to her hum our favorite tune Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder. That was our song. Her and I. Since Keatyn told me she was pregnant and I sang the song to her swollen belly, that was our song.
I almost broke my cover when she started crying mid-bridge and whispered, ‘I miss Uncle Melly.” Everything replayed over in my mind. My cause and reason behind what I was about to do. Yes, I was about to hurt my family, but the pain wouldn’t be for long.
Before speaking with JD I always had intentions of coming back and being the strong tower my family needed to heal. I’m not so sure of that anymore. After feeling comfortable enough to leave JD for a few hours after he confessed to the abuse, he received from his uncle I went to the only place, the only person, who could heal my broken and weary soul. Part of me felt bad for using Krishna the way I did. Using her body as my relief aid from the world. The other part of me felt entitled to have the privilege because she was my woman. Her haven became my intensive care unit of healing.
As she slept wrapped around my body I sent emails and text to a few people about my future plans. Point blank period…I wasn’t coming back…yet. If my brothers knew I was here they’d do all they could do to make me stay and I just couldn’t.
So many things had to be done. So many things needed to be said. So many things needed to be fixed.
“How long have you been up?” My second pair of skin finally stretched and peered up at me with sleepy red eyes.
“Long enough to know that you haven’t handled that snoring problem you claim not to have.” Hearing her laughter, seeing her mouth stretch into a wide smile, I was going to miss her.
Throughout the night I watched her sleep. Prayed over her once the sun started to rise. It seemed like my mind wanted to play cruel jokes by going down memory lane to the first day she and I met over fifteen years ago. Baring my soul to her and then taking her virginity. Being the only man, she’d ever know. Quite funny to know that I did all that fighting to keep her at bay and now here she was as the center of my world.
“Pacino and I need to run a few errands. I’ll be back later on. Krishna, do not tell anyone that I’m here.” I made sure to look her in the eyes so she knew how important my words were.
That bright, wide smile became a drooped curve of sadness. “Haven’t I listened for the last week?” I knew from the look on her face that she wanted to ask questions. She always wanted to know things when it pertained to my whereabouts. Those eyes begged and pleaded for me to tell her anything that would soothe the ache and tightness. Only thing is, I had those same feelings with scrambled answers that I refused to share.