“I love you, Krishna.” His forehead rested on mine while our eyes collided in a dance that I wished would continue even after the song of departure ended.
Why was he doing this to me?
“I love you so much, Amell.” The fact that he knew how much I loved him made me start questioning if my love was enough. If it wasn’t enough to make him stay and stop whatever this is, then what was my love for?
“Day after forever.”
“Day after forever.”
Tucking away my petty, I hugged Pacino and wished them both goodbye. Each step I took on the plane I knew when we came back things were going to be different. For one, he still hadn’t told his brothers that he was back and from the looks of things he wasn’t going to. The first time he disappeared when my father died I swear a piece of my damn soul crushed in his hands. Then this…
“I hope you don’t get your hopes up. He’s not going to be here when we get back.” JD grunted out as I took a seat across from him.
Pacino and Amell continued standing next to the truck watching us take off. I felt woozy. Dehydrated and tired from the emotional pull wreaking havoc in my life. Closing my eyes, I held onto my seat and waited for my stomach to settle. Once the captain cleared us, I unbuckled my seatbelt and ran to the back of the plane to vomit my emotions down the towel.
Whatever Amell was up to I prayed it wouldn’t cause me anymore pain.
Amell
Watching the plane take off with my heart I wanted to wave it down until Krishna came running down the steps and into my arms. My pride kept me rooted and silent. It seemed like I’d become what I hated, a liar. I lied when I told her that Pacino and I were going out of town to handle business. While it was half the truth the things, I left out by omission made it a lie. I stayed up under Krishna if I could. Made love to her as long as her body allowed. Repeated my love to her until her ears became sore.
Sighing, Pacino looked over at me. “Are you ready to finish this? I need a drink and I already know this last stop is going to make me want a bottle.” I appreciated his loyalty to me all these years. What I’ve asked of those in secrecy became a heavy burden and I’d forever be indebted to them for going along with my madness.
“Yeah let’s get this over with.” Once I knew the plane was far gone, we hopped in his truck and drove to Heritage Park.
Watching my brothers from a distance with their heads hung as they conversed, my chest ached. These were the same little boys who slept in my bed because they were scared. Who helped wipe my wounds after dad spent the night beating my ass in his drunken rant. The same little boys who helped nurse me back to health when I was sick.
These were the same little boys that grew into teenagers ready to claim what was theirs. Young always wanted to practice herbal medicine and Cassian had a love for cars. Both of those dreams led them to being successful men.
I watched them fall in and out of love. I watched them find the women that were destined for them. I watched them build a legacy for their future generations.
I watched their children grow.
These were my boys.
Knowing that they were upstanding dudes with a tad of my crazy, I knew they were going to be okay. I raised them to always be able to stand on their feet whether I’m around or not. Cassian’s need to be a prankster would never leave and at this point I never wanted it to. His humor brought all those around him smiles.
“I’ll be right back.” With heavy steps I got out making sure I stayed undetected.
My nieces and nephews were playing on the playground and I managed to find a spot that hid me but kept my brothers in view. Keeping my eyes on them I started humming Ariana’s favorite song. She was just a few feet away sitting on the end of the slide. When my tune reached her ears, her head popped up and she looked around.
Watching those wide brown eyes widen once she saw me, I felt like crying. Without a second thought she ran into my arms and started to cry. My little Ari. AJ noticed me next and I knew he would. He had so many of my characteristics including being the lookout for the others. He was going to be a damn beast on that football field. The others spotted me and were about to yell but AJ covered their mouths and told them to be quiet.
Even as a kid he knew the importance of keeping my whereabouts a secret.
“Uncle Amell, I missed you so much.” Nova rushed into my free arm.
Finding my voice, I sat the girls down and took out the necklaces from my bag. “These are gifts from me to you. When you wear these, always remember our bond. Remember…me.” I blinked several times to keep my resolve. “Obey your parents. Remember to always pray and follow your dreams. You got that?” I tugged on one of Ari’s ponytails. She nodded, wiping her face.
“I’m going to be gone for a while, but I promise to call you. You may even receive a letter from me. AJ, take care of your cousins and y’all respect him. I know he’ll never lead you on the wrong path.” Young AJ held out his fist for me to pound.
“Can we…Can we sing our song before you leave please?” Ari asked, pushing her glasses up her nose.
This little girl was set on breaking me.
“Sure.” I started humming the lyrics to Through It All by Andrae Crouch. I know she probably expected me to start humming Stevie Wonder, but this is the song that each of them heard me sing since they came out of the womb of their mother. Cashton hadn’t heard it as long, but he knew it enough to hum along with the rest of us.
It was this song that got me through many, many trials of my life. The song I first heard when I was a young boy in church, and it stuck. No matter where I was in life or what I dealt with, I sang this song when I needed God the most. If there was no rain and I needed to have that spiritual connection, I got on my knees and prayed with this song in my heart.
Wanting to share how I made it through my worst day, I planted seeds of faith in their hearts. I wanted those seeds of faith and knowing where to turn to when the world gave you it’s ass to kiss already planted. Besides the money I worked hard to earn so they’d have a future, I wanted to make sure that if asked what they learned from me it was to always keep God first and to love those who loved us unapologetically like I had done.
“Give this to Massey and tell her that I love her too.” I handed AJ the chain and stood to my feet. “I have to go now. Promise when you miss me or need me, you won’t get sad.” My sweet Ari was the first to launch her little body against my legs and then Nova. I had to drop to my knees to be able to hold all of their body weight once the boys joined in.
When I finally got them to free me and go back to their fathers I went back to the truck and sunk down in my seat. Pacino drove off without asking any questions and I appreciated the silence. We hopped right on the turnpike headed to Jacksonville. The five-hour drive gave me nothing but time to make sure I was okay with my decision. Regardless of the information I gave Mahogany there was always a way for me to be cleared.
“Always”
Amp called right as we pulled up to our destination letting me know JD and Krishna had landed with no problems and were at the beach house I rented. I knew once this was all over, she was going to hate me. A lot of my family was going to hate me, but I had to do this.
“I need you to promise me that in five years if I’m not out of that place, you do what I failed to do.” I glared at Pacino who sat next to me with heavy emotions on his face.