“Well, that’s your brother. And you left him as well as the rest of us. I know that you fought, but you were close in so many ways. You hurt him even if you didn’t mean to. But, before I answer your questions, how about you tell your mum what you’ve been doing for all of this time.”
She took my hands and led me into the sitting room. I gave her the highlights of the last few years, focusing on my travels and what I’d seen of the world. Even though it was a happy conversation, it didn’t stop the tears gleaming in her eyes, and I was struck by the pain I must have caused, all over again.
“I’m sorry, Mum. But I promise not to do that again. I needed to escape. I couldn’t stay and let the two of us fight over Grace, trapping her between following her heart and hurting us. It wasn’t fair. I did what I thought was best.”
“And that was a very noble gesture. I know Grace would never have picked between the two of you. But she has now. She’s done so much for Maddison.”
Hearing this from her crushed the last sliver of hope I’d kept alive.
“But Maddison is complicated. And I know that he doesn’t make it easy.” She paused as if she was worried about her next words. “Are you going to visit her?”
It was the question I’d kept running over in my mind. She was the reason I’d come back. She was my reason for everything, but being here, and realising that life had gone on without me, I wasn’t sure if pushing myself back into her life was for the best? For her, or my brother. All of this had happened because I made a decision—shouldn’t I learn to live with that, no matter what the consequences for me?
“I’ve not decided yet. I came back for her. But that was before I knew she was with Mads.”
“You still love her?” she questioned.
“Does Maddison?”
“Very much.”
“Then it doesn’t matter, does it? As long as she’s happy, that’s all that I care about.”
“You promise me you won’t go and hide while you lick your wounds? It’s been hard without either of you around. First you, then Maddison. I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I promise. You’ll have my address, phone number, all the ways to contact me. I won’t disappear again.”
Chapter 25
Grace 21 Years Old
“Grace?” Mum poked her head into the spare room where I’d been sleeping for the last few weeks. “I’m off to work now. I’ll grab us something to eat on the way home. Fancy anything?”
“Anything we can have with garlic bread.”
“Okay. I was expecting something that came with chocolate, but I’ll grab some pasta. Carbohydrates go well together, right?” She giggled as she left.
She’d been acting like this since I’d moved back in. Or rather, moved a handful of my clothes back because I’d been avoiding Maddison for all this time. It was a horrible thing to do, but it wasn’t as though he’d tried to speak to me, either. It was like we were on pause, neither of us prepared to take a step towards the other in case it went wrong. At least that was the reason I had in my head.
Being home had been good for me. Mum had forced me to look at job options and what I should have been doing to kick-start my career. Waitressing was fine, but I’d gone to University for a reason, and I wanted to start working towards that. Being with Maddison seemed to suck all of my ambition away. It didn’t make sense, but this time alone—really alone—had given me the space to process a lot of things.
Mads had never asked me to stop doing something or questioned my actions or goals. Yet, I’d found myself even more withdrawn when I was with him than I’d ever been in the past. His friends and parties didn’t count, at least I didn’t count them. They were fake and wrapped up with who Maddison was, not what I wanted. Having some distance made that visible to me, but it also made me sad.
The conversation I’d been putting off needed to happen, for me to move on. With what Mum had told me about my father, and how Maddison had treated me over the last few months, I knew our future together wasn’t the one I had planned and hoped for. But speaking to him—telling him we were over, made it final, and I wasn’t quite there yet. At least my heart wasn’t.
At the weekend, I borrowed Mum’s car and took a trip to Maddison’s. It had been festering all week, and I couldn’t put it off any longer. I needed to get my things and speak to him. Try and talk things through and make him understand how I felt about us now we’d had some time to think it over. It was terrifying. And the hardest part was how much I missed him—how much my heart ached. He’d see that and use it against me.
My stomach was a ball of nerves as I pulled up outside the house. His car wasn’t in the drive, which I was thankful for. I could get a few things and then wait for him to come home—try and ask him to see me? Mum had found a couple of cases and some boxes for me to pack up with. I couldn’t take the furniture, but I’d be able to pack up most of what I needed. It was such a contrast to the day we’d moved in. The sun had shone down on us as we made room for all of our things in the tiny house, and we were both filled with hopes and dreams. So much had changed, and I felt like a different person.
I’d survived losing one best friend. I knew I could live through losing another.
That thought slayed me. Like my heart was rejecting the concept of a world with neither Oliver nor Maddison a part of it. A coldness crept over my skin and coiled around the cracks in my damaged heart.
I may have opened the letters from Oliver, but I was still too angry at his words to consider them too much. Right now, all I could cope with was Maddison. He was my priority and the one I belonged to. Or at least, I used to.
The house had a musty smell as I walked in. A quick glance at the kitchen showed the piled-up dishes and pizza boxes on the side. The house was a state, and I was hit with a wall of sadness as I looked around. The only room that looked untouched was mine. It was how I left it, nothing out of place or disturbed from when I’d taken off to the safety of Mum’s. My hands made quick work of folding my clothes and packing my belongings. It didn’t take long, and when the drawers and wardrobe were empty, I sent a message to Maddison in the hope he’d come home so we could talk.
This room and this house had represented my new start, grasping for the happiness I’d always put off for the sake of others. And now it was a shell of the life I’d let slip through my fingers. I knew that it wasn’t all on me and that Maddison was as much a part in this as I was, but that was of little comfort right now.
I thought back and examined the time we spent together and saw that although the good times were there, a lot of the time they weren’t. Surely it shouldn’t be that hard? Love wasn’t meant to be painful all the time, right? I pulled my knees up to my chest as I waited on my bed and wished that Bob were here to comfort me.
I checked my phone again, but still nothing. Maddison was such a stubborn guy, but he couldn’t hide from this forever. We needed to talk and ignoring me only served to sever the connection we had even further.
Just as I’d pulled myself from the nest I’d made on the bed, the door clicked. My heart jumped into my throat as I listened for his footsteps through the house. We’d not seen each other in weeks, and now, surrounded by sadness, all I wanted was for him to take everything back and hold me.