Time for me had only sharpened that pain in my chest.
While I’d been missing from Grace, I’d also been missing from Maddison. As close as we were as brothers, I didn’t feel the same connection. That bond we shared had been severed, probably when we both realised we loved the same girl, and it never had a chance to repair.
I’d had no doubt he would swoop in—now free to pursue Grace without my shadow, but that’s as far as I’d allowed my imagination to run with that line of thought. My mind offered up enough questions to plague my daydreams and nightmares alike.
It’d been weeks since my last letter—the one where I should have just cut my heart out and mailed it to her, it would have been less painful. But as the weeks moved on, I grew more and more desperate to hear from her. About anything. Even if it was bad news.
And that was the reason I was on the train back home. Selling my car had paid for my first flights overseas, so I had to rely on public transport now. My job gave me very little spare cash at the end of the month, and with the prices of living and working in London and the hefty credit card bills I’d racked up during my travels trying to get over Grace, money was tight.
The guilt of leaving my parents in the dark ate at my gut the closer I got to home. They deserved an explanation for my vanishing act. Or rather why I lied about what I was doing with my life. Mum would have guessed the reason, but that was no excuse for the radio silence for so long.
My plan was simple, go home, see Mum and Dad, maybe speak to Maddison and try to understand what had happened since I’d been away. And work up the courage I needed to visit the girl who had forever held my heart.
I didn’t call ahead, and I splurged on the cost of a taxi from the station. As I approached the door, I could already hear raised voices, the familiar rumble of Maddison’s getting louder the closer I got.
I pushed the handle of the door and walked into the house that I missed calling home.
My arrival silenced the argument, and both Mum and Mads turned to look at me agape.
“What the fuck, are you doing here?”
“Maddison! That’s no way to speak to your brother.” She looked at me with a strained smile, and I knew this wasn’t the best time to arrive home.
“Great. Just great, Mum. He’s been back for five seconds, and you’re already taking his side again. Unbelievable.”
“Hey,” I offered, looking between the two. “I can come back later. Clearly, this isn’t a good time.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
They chimed in together, but it was Mum I listened to.
“I’ll be upstairs.” Maddison sulked off, but I felt the need to go and clear the air.
I looked at him and then Mum.
“Go. Speak to him, but be careful. He’s… changed. And he’s not in a great place right now.” She rubbed my shoulders, examining me as if I were a figment of her imagination, and she needed to check that I was real.
Before I went after Maddison, I dropped my bag next to the table and hugged her, giving her some reassurance that I’d be back.
The door to his room was open, so I pushed it even wider, announcing myself. But there was hardly anything in his room—an old single bed and a single wardrobe that I didn’t remember being here before.
“Hello, brother. To what do we owe this appearance?” He was sprawled back, with his arms propping up his head on the bed.
“I thought it was time. It’s been a while. How’ve you been?”
“Good. Great, actually. You don’t look like you’ve been stuck in an office for the last couple of years.”
“No.” I sniggered. My hair was lighter, more like Maddison’s now with all the sun I’d got while travelling. “I’ve been travelling a fair bit. You?”
“Didn’t have that luxury. I’ve been working. Making something of myself for Grace and me.”
The mention of her name set me on edge. I knew this was a trap. He wasn’t offering this information out of the goodness of his heart, he was taunting me, but I couldn’t ignore it. After all, Grace was the reason I was here, and anything about her was just too tempting to pass up.
“How is she?” It was the safest opening.
“She’s great. I’m surprised you’re interested after you just left like that. Not cool, man. But at least I was there for her.”
“I’m sure you were.”
“Yeah, I was.” He sat up on the bed and looked down at me, even though I was standing over him. “You missed a lot, big brother. She’s with me now, and we’re happy. So, don’t think that you can come back here and fuck everything up because you’re bored with your job or whatever. You moved on. So did we.”
“Hey, I didn’t come back to mess with anything.” I put my hands up in defence. Maddison had always been bigger than me, but now he seemed massive.
“Really? Then why did you come back?”
“It’s only a visit. I thought I owed Mum that much at least.”
“No, shit.”
“And I wanted to apologise to Grace.”
“Well, good luck. She doesn’t live at home anymore. She moved out a while ago now.”
That explained the silence from my letters, although I’d have hoped her mum would have passed them on. “I don’t suppose you know where to find her?” I ground my molars together and forced a smile. Needing information from Maddison about anything hurt, but when it came to Grace, some things just never changed.
“Sure. She’s with me. We live together.” He stood up. “So, don’t get any fucking ideas about messing up my life. You did the right thing leaving. Now live with that decision and fuck off.” His sneer turned his face into a vicious mask, hiding the brother I once knew. He knocked my shoulder, pushing me off balance as he walked out.
Maddison had changed. From that little display, I could see he’d only grown more aggressive and hostile since I’d left, and I could only hope that Grace was the remedy he needed. This man in front of me wasn’t to be messed with.
The empty room now made sense, but the jealousy he’d sparked in me with his comments about Grace was undeniable. It had been inevitable in a way. I knew Mads would go after her, but living together?
My steps were heavy on the stairs as I went to find Mum. Maybe she could update me on everything that had been going on without me wanting to strangle her for telling me. She was in the kitchen, looking like she was about to scrub the top off of the kitchen surface.
“I think it’s clean.” My helpful comment stopped her in her agitated state, and she put the cloth down to look at me.
“I can put the kettle on if you want. If you’re staying?” The uncertainty in her voice killed me, especially as I knew it was my actions that put it there.
“Just overnight, if you’re okay with that. I know I sprung this on you.”
It was her turn to offer me a hug, although I thought it was for her benefit. “You’re welcome here anytime. This is your home. I just hope you remember that rather than disappearing on me in the future.”
“I’m sorry. At the time, it was the only way out I could see. It appears I’ve missed some stuff though. Maddison wasn’t all that detailed.”