He wrapped his arms around her and returned her kiss, gathered up her essence. But when she pulled away he let her go. Whatever helped her believe they’d make it, he would do.
“I love you, Ash,” he whispered into her lips before stepping away.
“I love you too,” she said simply, hands still on his face. “But that’s never been our problem.”
The elevator opened with a ding and she got in.
“I’m not leaving, Ashna. No matter what happens, I’m never leaving you again,” he said before the mirrored doors cut them off, because that much he had to say.
Chapter Thirty-Three
All through the ride home, Ashna felt oddly strong.
The way Rico looked at her filled her heart. All the things they’d said to each other filled her heart. They’d held nothing back, and she was still standing. Hope flooded her like she’d sprung a backward leak.
Something precious lay within her reach, but she couldn’t have it if she stayed the person she’d been. The only way to not be that person was to face the secrets she’d run from for so long. If Mom had been with Baba that day, what did that mean?
If unraveling her relationship with Mom meant unraveling with it, then so be it. She was already undone, and it wasn’t as scary as anticipating it had been. All that mattered now was how she put herself back together.
Ashna opened her front door and let herself into her house, ready for whatever awaited her.
The living room was tidy. The mustard and green pillows arranged in an exact diamond pattern. The kitchen cleaned up. No dishes in the sink. No glasses or cups strewn about the place. No scarves or stoles draped around chairs.
Had Mom left without telling her? Again? Now, when Ashna needed her, needed the truth? Now, when she realized just how much she didn’t know?
I’m not leaving. No matter what happens, I’m never leaving you again.
Words Shobi and Rico had both said to her. Her life had turned into a sonorous chamber with the same sounds coming at her from all directions. It couldn’t be a lie.
An urge to scream swelled in her chest. On the way here, she had practiced what she would say to her mother. The questions she would ask. How patient she would be. She’d finally listen.
Now she wouldn’t have the chance.
She stormed into the living room and disheveled the cushions. Her hands shook. Her skin felt too tight around her. The kitchen was empty too, and sparkling clean.
“Mom?” the word broke her voice as she called out.
She ran up the stairs and into her room and yanked open the dresser drawer. The mother-of-pearl inlay box winked up at her, concealing within it her mother’s ring. The one Ashna had pulled out of the garbage at thirteen, another symbol of her parents’ ugly marriage, which she’d believed made her ugly too. Pushing open her window, she pulled her arm back and tossed the box, ring and all, into the enchanted forest of her childhood, letting out the ungodly scream that was choking her.
“Ashna, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Shobi’s voice hit her like something in a dream, piercing through her back like an arrow.
She spun around. “Mom?”
Worry creased Shobi’s forehead. “What the matter, beta?”
“I thought you left.”
“Mina and I were having tea on the patio. We didn’t hear you come in until you . . . why did you scream?”
“If you screamed because you thought Shobi was gone, then that’s good news, right?” Mina Kaki walked into the room behind Mom.
Then the funniest thing happened: both Ashna and Shobi rolled their eyes and smiled at the same time.
“Did you stay the night?” Ashna asked her aunt.
“I could hardly leave Shobi by herself when . . . well, you look better than you did last night.” Mina Kaki raised a brow.
“I’m fine. I need to talk to Mom.”
“I want to talk to you too,” Shobi said, eyes exhausted and edged with bags that hadn’t been there last night.
“The house . . . thanks for cleaning up.” It felt like a stupid thing to say, but her mother smiled.
“Mina helped.”
“In other words, I tidied up while Shoban Gaikwad Raje lectured me about being complacent in being judged for domesticity,” Mina Kaki said.
“It’s true. Who says our homes have to look like magazines? It’s just another arena they use to make us compete and feel insufficient in,” Mom said, and of all things, it made Ashna smile.
“That’s all very good and dandy,” Mina Kaki said. “But what if we don’t all like to exist in chaos? Choice is a two-sided concept, Shobi-ji.”
“Hello?” Ashna cleared her throat. Both women turned to her. This was not how Ashna had expected this day to go. Or yesterday. That thought was followed by the memory of her climbing Rico like a tree.
“Sorry,” Mina Kaki said. “Why is your window open?”
Oh no, the ring! Ashna slapped a hand to her mouth.
“Umm . . . I just threw a three-carat diamond out the window.”
The two women stared at her openmouthed. Possibly the only time in her life Ashna would get to see that.
Pushing her way past them, she ran down the stairs. “We have a lot to talk about, but I have to find the ring first. I think I know what I want to do with it.” Suddenly she didn’t want that ring lost.
The three of them went out into the yard below Ashna’s window and started searching through the grass.
“That’s the trajectory.” Shobi used her finger to trace an arc from the second-floor window into the hedges.
“Behold someone who’s turned analysis into an art form.” Mina went to a giant rosebush where Shobi’s arc had ended. “I think it’s in there.” She pointed without letting her finger touch the bush.
“Behold someone who’s turned delegation into an art form,” Shobi said.
“Really, you two pick today to turn into a comedy duo?” Ashna grabbed a fallen branch and pushed the thorny branches apart with it. Long-ago memories of her aunt and her mother laughing together sparkled at the edge of her consciousness. How many memories had she buried?
“There it is,” all three of them said, and Ashna squatted down and used her leg to nudge it out like a ball.
It earned her impressed raised eyebrows. She slid the box into her pocket.
“I’ll leave you two alone now,” Mina said. “You have a lot to talk about. And yesterday was Monday and I didn’t go home. So Shree’s going to be extra grumpy today because Mondays are . . . you know . . . our day.”
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Could she unhear this?
Shobi let out a full-throated laugh. Where had she been hiding that thing?
The same place you’ve been hiding yours, a voice inside Ashna said.
“The child looks horrified,” Shobi said, making Mina shrug.
“They think we’re celibate, don’t they?”
“Mina Kaki!” Ashna said. “Thank you so much for . . . for . . . being here.” That sounded terrible. “I mean . . .”
“I know what you mean.” She patted Ashna’s cheek. “You kids have to stop thinking of your moms as single-function devices. We have lives apart from you. We are people. We have orgasms.” Before Ashna could die of mortification, Mina took her hand. “Can you walk me out?”