‘Oh, Paige,’ says Mum, relinquishing the teabag. ‘This is a nightmare. Just a nightmare.’
‘Evelyn, don’t make her more upset than she already is,’ says Dad with a hint of impatience.
‘I think you and Caitlin have done enough in that department. What were you both thinking, interfering like that? Don’t you think Nick has enough to deal with? I knew you were putting undue pressure on him! You should both be ashamed of yourselves,’ Mum retorts.
‘Whose idea was it?’ I ask.
‘I promise you, Paige, this was not my idea or Dad’s. I thought by going to talk to him, he’d find another way for you to reconsider things,’ says Caitlin.
‘What’s happened has happened. You can’t stay here, Paige,’ says Mum.
‘Course she can stay here,’ says Dad.
Mum fires him a look. ‘She needs to go home and sort this out, pronto, and she can’t do it from our living room.’
‘He went behind my back, Mum!’
‘Because he’s scared of losing you! Can’t you see that?’
‘It was wrong!’
‘Of course it was wrong, but he’s acting out of desperation. Surely that’s obvious to you?’
‘And do you really want to lose your marriage as well?’ says Caitlin.
‘I suppose we can’t all have perfect marriages like you,’ I spout. ‘It’s easy for you to say since you have a family, another baby on the way, a country house and all the pieces of your life that fit perfectly together. It’s always easy for people like you to point a finger.’
Caitlin flinches, like I’ve hit a sore spot. ‘I’m concerned about you,’ she says.
‘Your concern is why I’m here tonight.’ I know this isn’t totally fair – it’s not Caitlin and Dad’s fault that Nick did what he did.
‘One night, Evelyn. Let her stay the night, and she can sort things out in the morning,’ says Dad.
I have to give it to Dad for his optimism; I don’t plan on leaving any time soon.
‘Since your father’s sleeping on the sofa, you’ll have to sleep with me until I make up the guest bedroom.’
‘Hold on. Why is Dad sleeping on the sofa?’
‘They’ve been arguing non-stop over you,’ says Caitlin, matter-of-factly.
‘This is ridiculous. Dad, I’ve made my decision.’
‘Did you hear that, David? She’s made her decision.’
‘Dad, this is serious. You can’t be arguing with Mum over this. It won’t change anything.’
Dad stares into his lap, silence filling the room. He gets up and turns his body towards me. ‘It’ll break her, Paige. Losing you will break her. And me.’
We all look across to Mum, who is now staring at us all, misty-eyed. She relinquishes her grip on the teabag. Then she turns around and leaves the room. We stand there, the three of us, watching her go.
And I am left wondering whether I’ve made the right decision after all.
Forty
Nick
Midway through my rounds, I bump into Ben in the corridor of the hospital. As in, I literally bump into him. My folder falls to the ground, spilling papers everywhere.
‘Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you there.’
He starts to laugh as he scoops together my folder, but when his eyes meet mine he studies my face for an unusually long time. So long in fact that I instinctively wipe my mouth in case I’ve got crumbs from this morning’s toast on it.
Ben quietly observes me, pressing his lips together, like he’s thinking. I’ve known Ben long enough to know he is always careful with his words. It’s one of the reasons we get along so well. That and the fact I can trust him with almost anything. Ben will always tell me what I need to hear even if he is careful about the way he tells me.
‘Pamela said she spoke to Paige the other day. You look terrible, Nick. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?’
‘Since when do we have trouble running on little sleep?’ I’m avoiding his question completely, of course. The one where he really wants to ask me how bad things are.
‘If you really want to know how I’m sleeping, the answer is on my own.’
Ben shakes his head. ‘Wait. What? Where’s Paige? She’s not in hospital, is she?’
‘No, she’s at her parents. I guess she didn’t tell Pamela that.’
‘No. She didn’t.’ He nods towards one of the empty wards. ‘Why?’ he asks, once he shuts the door behind him. ‘Are things really that bad between the two of you?’
‘I messed up.’ There’s no point in framing this any other way. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it might put me in the position I’m in now.
‘She’s blaming you for getting pregnant?’
I let out a sigh. ‘I went to see a barrister.’
Ben frowns at me as if I’ve completely lost him. ‘A barrister? Why would you need to see a barrister?’
‘To see if there was anything I could do legally to prevent Paige from…’ My God. I can’t say it out loud. My skin burns red-hot from the shame. What was I thinking?
Ben’s still standing there, his mouth practically agape. This is not the Nick he has known since his university days. This is not his best friend talking. It’s someone else.
‘I’m an idiot, okay. I don’t need you to tell me that.’
‘You should have come to me. I told you I was here for you. I would have set you straight, man. That is not cool.’ That’s when I realise why I never went to Ben with this. I know he would have shaken sense into me in a way that nobody else could. I know I would have listened to him. ‘Why would you do that? You know you can’t dictate whether your wife continues a pregnancy, and neither can the law.’ He shakes his head like he’s overwhelmed with a problem that has now become his.
‘Yeah, well, I don’t need the lecture right now, do I?’
‘Why didn’t you talk to anyone about this first? Why didn’t you talk to me?’
‘I talked to someone else.’
Ben’s phone rings. He turns it on silent and flicks his attention back to me, looking at me knowingly. ‘You’ve been taking advice from the woman downstairs, haven’t you? The one you “bump into” for coffee every second day?’
‘Her name’s Miranda. And I don’t need this, Ben. Not now. And not from you.’
‘From me? The guy who’s known you for years versus someone you just met in the hospital cafeteria?’
‘Leave it alone,’ I say gruffly. ‘You have no idea what’s going on.’
‘What’s going on? So there’s something going on?’ Ben flicks his eyes to the door to make sure it’s still closed. ‘Does Paige know?’
‘There’s nothing for her to know,’ I say firmly.
‘Man, you are really treading on some thin ice here. Paige is everything to you, Nick. Everything. Don’t mess it up any more than you have. You don’t want to lose her either way.’
There’s nothing more I want to hear. Ben’s phone lights up again and I take the cue to storm out of the room and to the bathroom. No amount of cold water helps take away the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it’s too late.