Ryan reaches into the depths of my bag, but before he can rummage through it, I snatch it away from him and swap it with Caitlin’s. ‘Forget it, you won’t find any in there, I’m disorganised.’
Caitlin starts crying harder.
‘What? What did I say wrong?’
I look at Ryan. ‘Go see if you can find some napkins or something.’
Ryan holds up three small tissue packets. ‘Uh, no need. We’re good.’ He peers into the bag. ‘And we’ve got a Lego figurine, gum, lipstick, deodorant, a princess tiara, wipes, pads, tampons…’
‘Thank you, Ryan,’ I say, taking a packet from him.
‘I don’t have everything under control. Do you know how exhausting it is to be at home full-time with Ethan? He hardly naps, and he’s so active. And he’s been throwing these tantrums because he’s not speaking the way he should be, so we started seeing a speech therapist and I keep losing sleep over it. I mean, what if there’s some underlying problem with him and I missed it? They want to do further testing – whatever that means! And since Ella started school this year, I’ve been going to bed later and later every night to get all the stuff done for the PFA because I want it to go smoothly.’
‘I thought you loved all that,’ I say. ‘Don’t you?’
‘I do.’
‘And it’s normal to worry about your children.’
‘Yeah.’
‘So you’re allowed to talk about being worried about your kid. You don’t need to pretend like it’s all perfect at the Callaways’, especially around us.’
Ryan nods. ‘Even if you were half as perfect as what you are, you’d still be doing an excellent job raising those kids. Cut yourself some slack.’
‘So what about Mark and the text message? Do you really think there’s something going on?’ The logical part of my brain tells me there is no way Mark would risk his marriage. He and Caitlin are solid, I’m sure of it. And Mark is a good guy. A family man. And he still looks at Caitlin with the same admiring stare he had as a teenager when he lived across the road from us. They know each other inside out though, and if Caitlin is suspicious, then maybe she has every reason to be.
‘I don’t know for sure. I thought she might have been meeting him at the cottage. You remember that night I asked you to babysit?’
‘I remember,’ I say. I knew something wasn’t right. ‘You drove all the way down there to see if he was with her? Was he?’
‘I don’t know because I stupidly parked the car down the street, climbed over the front fence, peeked through a window, and then a neighbour called me out.’
My eyes widen. ‘What?’
Ryan is staring at her in disbelief. ‘Couldn’t you have just opened the gate and walked right in?’ he asks.
She lets out a loud sigh. ‘I think I was too scared to.’
‘But that was months ago. Since then you haven’t noticed anything that’s made you suspicious, right?’
Ryan’s quick to get a word in. ‘Hold on a second. This is a no-brainer. None of this beating yourself up for months on end wondering about it. I think you need to resort to plan B. Come right out and ask the guy.’
Forty-Three
Nick
I wake up to loud knocking on my front door, and for a moment I’m hopeful that it might be Paige and she’s forgotten her keys. But no, it’s her brother, Ryan, standing there with two steaming-hot cappuccinos and a smile on his face. It’s six o’clock in the morning, way too early for anyone to be smiling this widely.
‘Morning,’ he says chirpily, stepping past me and down the hallway. It’s like he’s never been away.
‘Hey, when did you arrive? Did Susannah come too?’ I accept the coffee from him and take a sip. I squeeze his shoulders, broad and firm from all the exercise he does – Ryan is a fan of all sports, especially adventurous ones. ‘It’s good to see you.’
‘Yesterday. And it was mostly a surprise. And no, she couldn’t make it.’
‘But Paige knew?’
‘Nope.’
‘Uh, in case you’re wondering, she’s not here, she’s actually… Wait, didn’t you see her at your parents’ place?’
Ryan waves a hand in the air to stop me. ‘I stayed at Caitlin’s and I already know.’
I let out a huff of breath. ‘It’s a mess.’
‘She’ll come around.’
I shake my head. ‘Mmm, I’m not so sure about that.’
‘We came by yesterday. She picked up some clothes. I saw the way she looked at your notes.’
‘The Post-its?’
Ryan lets out a little laugh. ‘They’re kind of cute. I would never have picked you for a romantic like that.’ He gives my arm a little punch.
I grab a few slices of bread and drop them into the toaster.
‘Got any Vegemite?’ Ryan opens the pantry and looks for it. I try my hardest not to appear embarrassed at the boxes of last night’s takeaway stacked beside the rubbish bin.
‘She keeps it in the fridge.’
‘Who in their right mind keeps Vegemite in the fridge?’
‘Paige does. She also keeps her car keys in there.’
Ryan frowns. ‘Huh. Now that’s just weird.’
I start buttering a piece of toast. ‘So she never forgets where they are.’
‘And she can’t use a fruit bowl? Or a hook on the wall?’
What can I say? ‘That’s Paige for you.’
Ryan pinches the slice of toast I’ve buttered. ‘You need to hurry up and shower. I booked us in at the driving range.’
‘How’d you know I wasn’t working?’
‘I asked Ben.’ That smile again.
‘So how long are you staying for?’
‘A couple of weeks. I wanted to come spend some time with Paige.’
I flick my eyes up and notice the way the smile is gone, his expression darkening.
‘You know – just in case.’ He sighs. ‘I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say to you.’
‘Don’t apologise.’
‘Susannah and I… We’ll both come back, if you need us.’
‘I don’t want to see you for at least another three years.’
Ryan laughs half-heartedly. ‘I know why you did what you did. I think Paige realises, or will realise eventually.’
‘We’ll see,’ I say, scraping my toast crusts into the bin.
Ryan finishes his toast and starts packing the dishwasher. He searches the bottom cupboard for dishwashing powder. ‘Why do you have so many boxes of this stuff?’
‘In case I run out.’
‘You live a block away from the supermarket.’
‘Yeah. I know. It’s complicated.’
I haven’t visited Zac in over twenty-five years, but somehow part of me knows exactly which path to follow, and I find it easily; the white roses are still blooming prolifically after all these years. Sometimes my grandmother Elsie comes here with Mum, but they stopped asking me to join them years ago after I kept making excuses about why I couldn’t make it.