Kova glanced over at Hayden and gave him an exasperating once over from head to toe. "I do not take orders from pony boys." Then he looked back at me.
"I. Hate. You." I looked into his eyes as I let the words slip from my lips in disgust.
Kova didn't blink, his expression blank. He acted like the words didn't faze him and stepped closer until he invaded my personal space and I was forced to shove at his rock-hard chest. He didn't budge. His hands clamped down on both my arms to confine me to him and I began thrashing in his arms.
Between the vodka and my out-of-whack-emotions, I broke down. "Get out!" I bawled. "Get. Out." His fingers tightened around my arms and I thrust my palms under his chin to push him away. Hand rearing back, I tried to slap him a few times across the face, but he moved too fast and dodged my attack each time. Kova began speaking in his native tongue, his Russian growing louder and louder with each spasm of attack and assault I rained down on him. "I hate you! I hate you!"
An arm wound around my narrow waist from behind. "Adrianna. Stop," Hayden ordered, trying to grapple me. I wrenched and yanked and twisted my arms in circles in an effort to loosen Kova’s iron grip. Just when I thought I'd won, Kova let go, but I was too slow. He dropped both arms over my shoulders and pulled me to him. Still, I fought, arching my chest back, making it difficult on him. I thrashed in his hold, and raised my knee to kick him as both he and Hayden tried to control me.
"Last chance," Kova said, but I didn't listen. He tightened his arms and squeezed until he restrained me, like he had me in a damn straitjacket. Sandwiched between Kova and Hayden, I couldn't move, my entire body was locked between the two. I could only wiggle my fingers. Emotions soared. I wasn't strong enough to win, and for a split moment, I wondered if I ever would be strong enough for anything. Anger fled and deep dejection filled me.
Surrendering every ounce of myself, I dropped my forehead to Kova’s chest and sagged against him, depleted.
Hayden hadn't moved. He left a protective hand on my hip as he stroked my hair while I whimpered quietly.
Stupid alcohol. Stupid Kova. Stupid Hayden.
Five
I don’t know how long we stood there before I heard Kova speak.
"I am not going to hurt her, Hayden," Kova said in a tender tone I didn't expect. "Step back."
Hayden listened and created a small amount of distance between us. "Don't you understand, you dumb fuck. You already have."
He was right and more tears seeped from my eyes. Kova had hurt me more than anyone I thought physically possible.
"I hate myself for that more than you can ever know," Kova admitted, and the conviction in his voice broke my heart. He did hate himself, that I knew. One of his hands drifted to my lower back and ran in soothing circles. I let out an exhausted breath.
"And what about Katja?" Hayden demanded. "Do you hate yourself for hurting her?"
Kova tensed.
"She does not know anything…and it is going to stay that way."
Hayden drew in a breath. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?"
"You think I am happy for what I have done? You do not know anything, Hayden. Not even the half of it."
Pulling back, Kova looked down at me but I was too mortified to meet his gaze. My nose was running, my eyes couldn't stop leaking, and my hair was matted to my face.
"Come."
Taking my hand, he guided me into the kitchen. I gripped the counter behind me and jumped up, sitting on the edge as Kova's eyes skittered around before he went looking for something.
With my hands on my thighs, I stared at my palms. While I hadn't had rips in a while—thankfully—I still had calluses. I began picking at the dead skin and pulling little pieces off at a time. Kova's feet appeared in my line of vision and another silent tear slipped from the corner of my eye.
Without thought, I widened my legs to accommodate him and hooked a foot around the back of his leg and pulled him closer. He leaned in so his cheek touched mine.
"Malysh," he whispered only for me to hear. "Take this."
For whatever dumb reason, that made me cry harder. I nodded and reached for the tissues that appeared between us.
"Kova, I think you need to leave," Hayden said. "I'm serious. Go."
"I am not going anywhere right now," Kova bit out, not bothering to look at him.
I wiped under my eyes with the tissue and Kova smoothed my hair back. My stomach was in knots. I was nauseous to the core over everything that had transpired tonight and I fought to push it down. The vodka wasn't helping.
Kova placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head back. He took the tissue from my hand and dabbed around my face.
"Open your eyes. Look up."
I did as he said and let out a long breath. He sniffed. "Vodka? You have been drinking."
I pursed my lips together before I asked, "How can you tell?"
"I can smell it."
"Liquid courage. Isn't that what they call it?"
The corner of Kova's mouth twitched and his eyes softened. "I suppose so."
"That stuff tastes gross. I don't know how you drink it."
"It is an acquired taste."
"So is rape," Hayden chimed in, his voice tinged with bitter resentment.
I looked over my shoulder at Hayden and gasped, ready to deny that Kova did such a despicable thing.
Kova went ramrod straight and angled his body defensively toward Hayden.
My gaze shifted between them. I panicked, my heart pounding viciously against my chest. I knew what was coming.
"I did no such thing!" Kova bellowed. "I am not what you think I am, Hayden, and I am not going to try and make you understand when you refuse to open your mind."
"You're right, I can't understand it. In fact, I think you liked what happened. I think you're a sick individual who took satisfaction in the power of authority you have. Things don't happen unless you want them to." He paused and sent a fleeting glance in my direction before he was back on Kova. "I think you belong in jail."
Jail. Dear God. Fear set in. The friction in the room intensified as the temperature dropped. The vicious pounding of my heart echoed in my ears. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. Jail was the last thing I wanted.
"Hayden," I begged, hiccupping for air. "You promised me you wouldn't say anything to anyone, including the police, if I told you the truth. You promised."
He stared at me, pity evident in his eyes. "That was before I knew everything. This is so much more. He needs to be held accountable for his actions."
"This is how you repay me after what I have done for you?" Kova sneered at Hayden.
"I'm not entertaining that topic, so drop it."
Terrified he would call the cops, I gasped for air. I couldn't think straight and feared the worse.
Gripping the edge of the countertop, I pleaded with him. "You think we're the first people to ever have an affair? Because we're not."
Kova cupped my cheek to turn my attention back to him. "Breathe," he ordered, his eyes soft as he regarded me. With Kova, that was all I needed. One deep look to know his thoughts, and right now, guilt prevailed to be the strongest emotion. "Are you okay?"