“You can.” Alun spoke without thinking, partly because he couldn’t imagine denying a man anything, given his past oppression. Mostly, though, it was due to something deep inside wanting more.
Craig shook his head. “I can see that you’re not ready. This isn’t about you giving me what I want. I’m not like that fucker who brutalized you. If you’re not with me a hundred percent because you want to be, it’s no good.”
“I’m not sure that will ever be the case,” he admitted reluctantly, but he couldn’t lie to this man about something so important.
Craig nodded slowly. “I understand, and that’s okay, too.” Cocking his head, he stared long and hard. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s causing the extra worry I see in your eyes? You know you can tell me anything.”
Alun shook his head mutely, hating that he wasn’t better at hiding his feelings.
“At least talk to someone else. Bottling your fear and anger isn’t good for you.”
“There’s no one, really.” A thought occurred to him. “Not on this Earth, anyway.”
“Hmm.” Craig narrowed his eyes. “I have an idea, if you trust me.”
“I do, yes.” He didn’t need to manufacture his conviction.
“Okay, then get a jacket. It’s turned a little chilly out there.” When Alun hesitated, he added, “Do we need to ask anyone if it’s okay for you to leave the house?”
Alun pulled away. “No. I’m not a prisoner. Mostly…” He thought about it some more. “No, let’s go.”
The idea of leaving the house without anyone knowing was oddly thrilling. He wasn’t afraid, either, to be out and about. Craig would protect him. He was sure of that.
Within minutes, he was buckled into the passenger seat of the man’s SUV, riding through the city as the sun set. “Where are we going, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“You can ask me anything you like, but I want this to be a surprise. A good one, I hope.”
“Oh, well…” He didn’t know what to say to that. No one had ever done such a thing for him before. “It’s fine. I trust you.”
“I can’t tell you how happy that makes me to hear you say that.”
Ridiculously pleased, Alun relaxed against the soft leather seat and watched out of the window. So many people about and such tall buildings… He wasn’t sure he could ever get used to such a thing. He liked the country or, at least, he liked what he was used to. His life had started in a hovel and had become a long stint in a dank, enclosed place. This modern life was far too alien for his comfort. Still, it was fascinating to look at from the safety of Craig’s vehicle.
The ride came to an end when Craig pulled up to a large brick church that soared far higher than any that Alun had ever been to. “What’s this, then?”
“A Catholic church. I grew up not too far from here. I thought maybe it would make you feel better to unburden yourself in a safe place.”
Touched beyond measure, Alun turned to him. “Such a lovely thought. You’re the kindest man I’ve ever known.” Impulsively he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Craig’s mouth. He didn’t linger there, being almost aghast at his own daring.
When he pulled back, though, Craig was smiling. “That was the best thank you I’ve ever gotten, and really, this isn’t much.”
“It’s everything. Can we go in?”
“Sure… That’s what we’re here for.” Craig unbuckled and got out.
Alun followed suit and stood on the sidewalk. “You don’t have to come with me. I mean, is this even your faith?”
“No, but I don’t think God or the priest will mind.” He put his hand lightly at the small of Alun’s back. “Shall we?”
They walked in together, Craig letting Alun go to open one of the big doors to usher him in. The church was lovely, shiny wooden pews lined up like soldiers, presenting a path to the altar. All around them, stained-glass windows, the like of which Alun had never seen back in his tiny town, flickered color from the waning sun. There was no one about, which relieved him. He felt awkward enough without an audience other than Craig.
He genuflected and made the sign of the cross before approaching the altar with the candles. He wanted to light one for the family who’d died long ago without ever knowing what had happened to him. Then he realized with dismay that he had no money to contribute and didn’t want to take one without doing so.
“Here,” Craig whispered as he handed him a five-dollar bill.
Touched, Alun took the money without saying a word. He would find a way to repay the man, but for now, he accepted the help. It felt wonderful to go through the ritual. Afterward, he slid into one of the back pews and fell to his knees.
Mary, Mother of God, please help me. Keep my Merlin safe. He’s not a bad boy. It’s not his fault he was raised to be a brute. I know he’s seen the way now and deserves a chance to live a good life. Please watch over and protect poor Dafydd and baby Idris. And Mateo. None of them deserve the pain they are suffering.
He kept up a litany of pleas, his knees aching and his fingers cramping from how tightly he clutched them. And he begged for help in knowing what to do with Annika.
Please, God, show me the right path.
Craig sat beside Alun, watching as his lips moved in silent prayer, worrying about how white his knuckles were getting. He didn’t interfere, however, understanding that this was the solace the man needed. Something besides the obvious clusterfuck was troubling him, and if he couldn’t bring himself to share the worry with Craig, at least he could give vent to it here. It didn’t even matter if anyone was actually listening. Craig was a doubter, even on a good day—not that he’d dare tell his mama that. He understood, too, how religion brought hope to the hopeless. It had served his people through some dark times, and obviously Alun had survived his horrific abuse in part because of his faith. Craig was happy to help him in any way he could.
It was peaceful here—and beautiful. That was something anyone could appreciate, not that he was doing any praying of his own. Quite the contrary… He was pretty sure that no one would approve that he was spending the time watching Alun, enjoying his beauty and trying to keep his dick under control. Damn, when he’d put his arms around him, intending to give only comfort, it had been startling and alarming to find he’d thrown a boner. That was so not what he wanted Alun to see. He was working hard to show the man that he wasn’t another asshole trying to use him for his own pleasure.
And staring at the guy wasn’t helping matters. He had to quickly adjust himself, which made him embarrassed, given where he was. He didn’t have to be a believer to know that it was just rude, getting hard in a church. To help with the problem, he stopped ogling Alun and used the time to admire the architecture and décor. The space before the altar was lovely and inviting.
Nice place for a wedding. Whoops! Where had that stray thought come from? Not only were he and Alun a mere step up from total strangers, but this was not a place where two men could get married. And that thought led him to the more disturbing and weirder one that Alun might not be into that idea at all. Ever. Sure, the guy seemed to like him. That could be habit. He’d been forced to service a man—a male alien—for a long time. Maybe he saw Craig as just another guy who had to be appeased.