“That’s not a completely bad thing, I guess. Having more acute senses can only be helpful, right?”
“Yes.” Alun visibly pulled himself together and dug into the ice cream. The look on his face when he took the first bite was amazing. “Oh, that’s brilliant, that is.” He took another, bigger scoop and moaned.
Craig’s initial delight at having brought him pleasure morphed into a rush of desire that sent heat up his neck and caused his dick to strain against his fly. The situation didn’t get any better, as each time Alun took another bite of his ice cream, he made pretty little noises in the back of his throat and his face made an big, fat ‘O’ expression. It was the kind of thing that any other man would use as foreplay, a way to drive a man crazy and desperate to take his date to bed. Knowing that Alun was doing nothing of the kind, Craig tried to stop swallowing his tongue by stuffing cold ice cream into his mouth.
Alun slowed down some after he’d consumed half the dish. He gazed at Craig from across the table with obvious joy. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I can’t thank you enough,” he added, his cheeks turning pink.
“You’re very welcome, but it’s only ice cream. I hope I can do other things in the future that will be more worthy of your appreciation.”
Alun shook his head while he swallowed. “It’s not only this treat. Taking me to church and just getting me out of the house…” He took in a deep breath and let it out in a burst of air. He gave Craig such an adoring look that he nearly came right then and there. “I feel liberated, more so than I did when Alex and his men took me out of that dreadful castle back in Wales. “Please don’t get me wrong,” he hastened to add. “The house here is lovely and everyone has been that kind, but…”
“A cage is a cage.”
Alun’s shoulders slumped. “Yes, that’s it.”
Craig dared to reach across and put his hand on top of Alun’s. “Any time you want a break, give me a call. In fact, I’m going to buy you a cell phone and put my number in it…if that’s okay with you,” he added, because, Christ, he was moving at warp speed with this guy.
Alun blushed even more, although he didn’t pull his hand away. That was a good sign. “You don’t have to do all that for me.”
“I want to.”
Now, Alun did gently pull free and sat back. “You must be very busy with your job as a police officer.”
Relaxing into his seat himself, Craig replied, “Not at the moment. I’ve taken some leave. There’s a lot going on and I can’t afford to be distracted.”
“This must be that difficult to deal with. I mean, you’ve learned a lot of hard truths in a short period of time. It’s amazing that you’ve been so accepting. I was paralyzed with fear and disbelief for many months after I’d been captured.”
Not for the first time, Craig wanted to build a time machine to go back and kill the motherfucker who’d hurt this sweet man. “I had the benefit of growing up with the Star Trek franchise, so believing in aliens is easier for me.” He sighed and came clean, though. Alun was very open with him. He could do no less in return. “Still, inside me there’s a little man screaming his head off with, What the holy fuck?”
Alun grinned, which was a relief. He didn’t want to be diminished in his view. “You wouldn’t be human if that weren’t the case.” He tucked back into to his ice cream.
Something about the simple exchange, the way Alun cared about his feelings and wasn’t mired so deeply in his own problems, caused a groundswell of emotion in him. He flashed again on the church’s altar and how easy it was to picture tying himself to Alun forever.
Unnerved by it all, he needed to put some space between them. “Let me get us some water.”
“That would be grand, thanks.”
Craig slid out and went over to the bubbler of lemon water the shop offered for free. As he poured a couple of cups, Tish flashed him a smile and fluttered her lashes. He grinned back and resisted the urge to adjust his crotch, because his cock was without conscience or doubt. It wanted to get inside Alun and stay there forever.
“Thanks,” Alun said when Craig handed over his cup. He drank most of it in one long swallow before sitting back. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I can finish this.” His ice cream was more than half gone, the rest slowly melting.
“That’s fine. It’s a lot. I forget sometimes how much more I can eat than others.”
Alun patted his flat stomach. “I’ve put on weight in the last few months. I’m starting to feel like I did when I was carrying Merlin. He stretched me to the breaking point.”
That stark reminder of what the man had gone through sat heavily between them. Craig tried to lighten the mood. “My mama would take one look at you and say you’re too skinny. It’s her life’s mission to feed all the men in the world until they burst.”
Alun went along with the effort and grinned. “Only the men?”
“Yep. Women can take care of themselves, according to her. It’s we poor, pathetic men who need looking after.”
“I don’t think my own mother ever had a chance to eat a meal in one sitting. She spent all of her time waiting on my father. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I understood quick enough how much she sacrificed once I was captured. Sorry… I can’t seem to keep from talking about the past.” He shifted his gaze to look out of the window.
Once again, Craig reached over, this time to take one of Alun’s hands in his and clasp it lightly. “Hey, it’s okay to talk about it. I’m here to listen to whatever you have to say.”
Alun was quiet for a while. “I just didn’t get being pregnant. I’d seen other boys like me with swollen bellies, but I didn’t understand until it happened to me. It was all so strange and uncomfortable. Unnatural.”
He turned to Craig and leaned in, his fingers gripping Craig’s. “It felt as if I’d been invaded, this thing wiggling around inside me. I hadn’t given it two thoughts back in the village when I saw pregnant women. It was just a thing that happened. I wasn’t glad to be a boy and not have to deal with it, because it didn’t cross my mind at all. Once I understood that Merlin was growing inside me, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was no longer male, yet not quite female, either. I went about my day in a state of disbelief. At first, anyway. Then came resentment. I hated what had been done to my body. It wasn’t fair.”
“You were the victim of rape and forced pregnancy. How you felt was perfectly natural. A woman would have felt the same way. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to wrap your head around the situation.”
Alun stared at where their fingers entwined and pursed his lips. “I was lucky in that one of the boys who’d already been through it helped me make it easier on myself. He did the same after they’d cut Merlin out of me, showing me how to help him latch on and suckle without too much pain.”
“I’m glad to hear you had that.” As hard as it was to listen to the miserable stories about Alun’s experience, it was also fascinating. It made Craig realize that the difference between male and female wasn’t a lot. It also popped into his head that Alun was still this in-between person. Or was he?