Once I reach him, John reaches for the back of my neck and starts for the front door, still silent. He gets the door open and we move inside. In three quick moves, he kicks the door closed, spins on me, and backs me into the door.
I gasp and place my palms on his chest. With his face nose to nose with mine, he inhales me. His grip on my neck tightens slightly.
“I’ve carried nothing but guilt over what happened between me and her. It’s been riding my back for years. It didn’t feel right to have you and know what lingered in the background. That has been the only thing keeping me from pursuing you as hard as I normally would. That guilt has lifted.” He moves in so close there’s no room between us.
“Guilty for what?”
He shakes his head, a tortured look in his eyes. He lifts a hand to my cheek and swipes it across my skin. Then he shows me his thumb. There’s blood on it.
“Not now.” His words come out almost pained. He takes a step back. “You can shower in my room.”
I reach to grab the front of his shirt. “You’re not coming with me?”
Again, he shakes his head. “I won’t be able to give you the night you deserve if I step foot into that shower with you.”
My lips part, but my heart is pounding too hard to respond. I push off the door and nod. I move in slow motion as my brain tries to catch up.
“Roni.” I turn as he booms my name from behind. “Move your ass, baby.”
I laugh and turn to rush into his bedroom. I can’t strip out of my ruined dress fast enough. Once in the shower, I turn on the spray and start to scrub from head to toe.
Anticipation fills my belly. I try to remember everything the ladies told me to do when this finally happened. I look down at my legs. I shaved this morning, I’m good to go there. Thank God, I went for a wax last week. I’m still in good shape there.
“Shit,” I mutter. I don’t have any of my own perfume or bodywash.
I smell like John right now. Rolling my eyes, I cut the shower off. I’m not calling this off over a scent.
Wringing out my curls as best I can, I calm my nerves. When I step out of the shower, I look right into the mirror. This isn’t the body from when I first met John. Not in the least. It’s not even the same body as the first time we were going to have sex or that time in the armory.
All the training has transformed my curves. My thighs are still thick, but way more toned. My tummy is actually flat and tight. When I first started gaining weight back everything moved like jelly. Over the last year, I’ve pushed myself harder and it shows.
I bite my lip, wondering if John will like what he sees now. Pushing at my wet locks to get them out of my face, I try to shake off the anxiety clawing at me. It’s one thing to fantasize about this night, another to know it’s about to become a reality.
“Come to me.” I turn at the sound of the deep command.
John is standing in the doorway with a towel around his waist. A tented towel. Memories of how thick and long he is come to mind.
Damn, you sure you want to do this?
I push that thought aside and move to him. He lets his gaze eat me up as I do my best to sway my hips. Fear of slipping on the floor and falling face first on his dick taunts me. This would be my moment to become clumsy.
His grip is tight as he settles a hand on my hip and drags me into him. This time he grabs my throat from the front. Like earlier, he hovers just above my lips as I tip my head back.
“I’m going to do this right. As bad as I want you, I’m going to be as gentle as I can be,” he says.
“You don’t have to be. I’ll be fine.”
He shakes his head. He’s doing a lot of that tonight. I start to get frustrated.
“You already know I’m not a small man. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I swallow, knowing the lie I’m about to tell. I want all of this man and at full capacity. I’ve waited too long for him to hold back on me.
“I’ve used a vibrator for penetration. You don’t have to worry about my virginity. I got horny after our trips to the club. I needed to do something about it.”
He growls and sucks my bottom lip into his mouth. I whimper as he nibbles and sucks. Tugging my lip between his own, he groans.
“Tha mo chridhe 'S e deiseil mu dheireadh thall.”
He crushes my lips before I can ask what he has said. I lock my fingers in the top of his hair. He dips and lifts me onto his waist by my thighs.
Not once do we break the kiss as he turns and heads into his bedroom. I cling to him and savor the way he makes love to my mouth. John kisses with so much passion and hunger.
The cool sheets hit my back and it solidifies that this is happening. He looks down at me with so much want. Palming one of my breasts, he massages it.
He leans into my ear. “We’ll talk about your punishment later,” he breathes.
“Huh? What? For what?”
“Your virginity belonged to me. You took that from me,” he says with a mix of lust and humor.
I don’t get to reply as he moves quickly to capture my nipple in his mouth. I bow off the bed, gripping the sheets in my palm. When he moves his hand to start circles around my clit, my eyes cross. I’m already coiled tightly, dripping for him.
“John.”
He slips his fingers inside me. “You’re still too tight to take me right away. Be patient.”
I nod, on the verge of tears. I don’t want to wait. I need him, but I trust his words.
John drags his tongue from between my breasts, down my stomach, to my mound. When he joins his fingers and mouth to push me higher, I cry out and plead for him some more. I’m coming so hard and fast.
“Good girl,” he croons and sucks his hand into his mouth.
It’s the sexiest thing ever to watch him lick his fingers clean as those golden eyes remain on me. He moves up my body with all the fluidity of liquid. With his thumb pressed to my bottom lip, he sticks his tongue into my mouth.
His lips are coated with my essence. We attack each other’s mouths with so much passion and heat. This man is so fine. How does he make the taste of my own pussy on his tongue a complete feast?
“John,” I cry into his heated cavern as he begins to finger me again.
“Come again, baby. I need you soaked,” he says with so much strain in his voice.
I reach to run my fingers down his back, causing him to shiver. His eyes darken. He’s starting to perspire with the efforts of his restraint.
I latch onto the look on his face. It’s for me. All at once, I admit I’m tired of running. John has always made me feel safe. Just as he has pushed his guilt aside, I do the same.
Pushing the screaming thoughts of betrayal and friendship away, I come again. I nearly weep when he pulls his hand from my body. I turn my head to follow his movement as he reaches for the nightstand.
I look back to John with wide eyes. He has an entire set up. Looking back at the nightstand, I note the bowl of condoms, some sort of plug, cuffs—the wand he picks up is the last thing I get to focus on. He turns it on and places it against my clit.
I claw at his hair as he moves back to feasting on me. My legs are shaking, and my screams are soundless. Holy fuck, what is this man doing to me?
“Come on, baby. The sooner you give it to me, the sooner I can give us both what we need,” he says huskily.