They have come to think I’m rude and think I’m better than everyone, but it’s been my way to not feel completely embarrassed in front of everyone and my father.
“Roni, Aunt Grissel, you can call me Roni.”
“Ay, tell me what’s happened. Is it true? Your father is gone? What has happened to my brother?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. For only a single moment, I’ve forgotten my loss and the pain. It’s like having alcohol tossed into an open wound as she brings up the stark reminder.
“He’s gone,” I murmur.
“Gone, what do you mean gone?” she asks before going into full Spanish as she freaks out. “How? Why?”
Tears slide down my cheeks. I don’t know how to say the words out loud. I still don’t believe them. Every time I have to say them, I swear I’ve stabbed myself with a sword—or at least it feels that way.
For my aunt, I fall on that sword once more. “He had a heart attack.”
“What? No, you can’t be serious. I was away. I’ve been traveling. I had no idea.
“Dios mío, Roni. You must be devastated. Cariño… I… I don’t know what to say. Eliam has always been so healthy. Mi hermano.” Our sobs mix as I release the pain, I’ve been feeling.
Three months and it’s still so fresh. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what to do. His business… what do I do with it?”
“Oh, cariño. This must be so overwhelming. Why don’t you come to Dominica? Come see your tía. We can figure this out together. I… can’t believe he’s gone. I missed telling my brother goodbye,” she says in broken English.
The idea isn’t so bad. I could use the chance to clear my head and find my footing. Maybe a short trip, miles away will help me sort all of this shit out.
“I think I would like that, tía.”
“Good. We are family. We need to stick together. You come to see me, and we will make everything right as a family. I should have come to visit more. I’m so sorry.”
My father has told me before that Aunt Grissel travels the world all the time. She has no husband or children I know of, and my father wasn’t the type of brother you dropped in to see all the time. My aunt spends most of her time in Europe. I wasn’t surprised that I wasn’t able to reach her right away.
“It’s fine. My father was a hard man. He didn’t make it easy for you to get close to him. I understand the distance,” I reply.
“My brother and I were once very close. So many things changed.”
There’s something about the tone of her voice that alerts me. I’m not sure what it is. Once she begins to rattle off plans for my visit, I push it to the back of my mind. I haven’t been around her enough to know her moods or tones, I could be reading too much into all of it.
At least now I have someone to go through this with. Most of all, I can put some distance between myself and Darius. I want to be ghost before the calls turn into more visits. Something I know is coming soon, now that I’m ignoring him.
John
I sit with my arms spread against the back of the couch, stewing in my own anger. The scene before me doesn’t register as my thoughts play last night over and over.
What the fuck did we even argue about?
One minute I was trying my best to spend time with Missy, still trying to get to know her on a new level. The next thing, she started a fight that I still don’t understand for the life of me. One thing led to another and I was gone.
“Want to talk about it?” Remi asks.
I turn to him and frown. Do I want to talk about it? No, I don’t. I want to forget the last few months ever happened, but I sigh and start talking before it all chokes me.
“Missy called me this morning. She said she lost the baby,” I say tightly, guilt clawing at me.
I should have kept my cool. She was probably going through some hormonal shit last night—not actually being a complete psycho. I could have been more patient. I should have been more patient.
Remi gives me a nod. He and Ramses are the only ones I’ve told about Missy and the baby. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my brothers.
I don’t want Wyatt and Noah to be disappointed in me and I couldn’t stand for my younger brothers to know that I was irresponsible. They look up to me.
“I thought I’d be relieved or something, but all I feel is guilt. I wasn’t there for her and the baby is gone. The last three months have been nothing but stress, but I still should have at least been there,” I say.
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You have been doing your best.”
“Have I? It’s no secret that I didn’t want to enter a relationship with her. I’ve been acting as her boyfriend for the last three months and I’ve been miserable.”
Miserable because nothing has changed. Everything I’ve come to understand about Missy has only been magnified. We’re not compatible at all. I question what she was doing at that party we met at in the first place.
Then there’s that feeling still tugging at my soul. That knowing that someone is out there that is a match for all my desires and needs. It’s starting to feel like I’m drowning, waiting to find her.
“Maybe things can go back to normal now,” he says.
I pull a face, twist my lips to the side. “That’s the thing. Will it go back to normal?
“She’s been calling all day. I stopped in to check on her. It felt like the right thing to do, but when I got there it… something was off and I was uncomfortable… I don’t know. I left to clear my head,” I grumble.
I feel like a pussy. I should be facing this head on. Missy needs someone now that she’s dealing with this loss. I know she doesn’t have any family. She was so excited about the baby.
As if speaking to my thoughts, Remi says. “And here you sit.”
I look at the scene before me. The gorgeous redhead would have turned me on any other night as she gives herself over to Ramses. They make for a captivating scene. My head just isn’t here.
“Honestly, I don’t know what brought me here.”
“This is where you think, where you thrive. I’m not surprised that you’ve come here.”
I grunt and reach for my scotch. The smooth burn reminds me of simpler times. Times when I came and went as I pleased.
“Do you know I’ve never been in love?” I blurt out.
I turn to see the expression on Remi’s face. His amber eyes are focused on me. His face is unreadable.
“You want to know something I’ve learned about love?”
“What’s that?” I say.
“It can be cruel. We think we want it… that it’s necessary to our happiness. Yet when we find it, it takes our souls and sucks away our happiness with it. Love, my friend, is overrated.”
“That, my friend, sounds like there’s a story behind it.” I give a chuckle and take another sip.
He shrugs. “We all have our stories. I think you should take this as a sign from Allah. Take this time to reset.
“Follow what your instincts tell you. You have a way of always getting things to work out the way you want. I don’t think this will be any different.”