“I don’t even know what I want to major in,” I admit.
“That’s okay. It took a while for me to realize I wanted to shift to business so I could have a different kind of career in skateboarding without being a pro forever. You’ll figure it out.”
Sighing, I snuggle closer into his chest. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Once Griff started talking about his plans for Brazen, that helped too. But I did get sidetracked quite a bit,” he adds, stroking my arm up and down.
“Yeah, is it bad I already feel the pull to be sidetracked?” I whisper my question, embarrassed. “I mean, you were the world champion and I’m a brand new pro, so it’s not the same, but…” I let out another long sigh. “Maybe it’s the newbie excitement, I don’t know. All I wanted to do before was skateboard but now it’s even worse, if that’s possible. I want to skateboard with a purpose, plus I want to compete.”
“It’s not bad to want that. Why would it be bad?”
I think about his question, wanting to be honest but also not wanting to offend him. I’ve already pointed out the differences in our situations if it wasn’t already obvious – he was a real pro when he took time off from college while I sometimes feel like I only broke into that space two days ago. “I guess it feels indulgent. Irresponsible. Not to mention, I’m not making near enough from Brazen so I’d have to get a job anyway. Might as well use that time to keep after my degree.”
“Oh, you’ll be getting all kinds of calls from sponsors soon. Especially after you kill it at the X Games next month. If you wanted to make a living from skateboarding, I bet you’ll be able to soon.”
I’ve already been contacted by a bunch of sponsors, in person in Vancouver and by email or phone or social media today. When I tell Beck this, he says I’ll need an agent to help me navigate everything. “But not Vienna. I’m not planning on firing her, but I’m not going to send her new business.”
“It’s all happening so fast. I don’t want to get caught up and make mistakes. I just want to keep getting better at skateboarding, have fun at the competitions, and if I’m going to get noticed, get noticed for that, not for being with you.”
“Are you ashamed of me?” Beck makes it sound like he’s teasing, but I sense something else in his tone too.
“Um, no, obviously not.” How could he think that?
“I get why you want that. But I can’t help being proud of being with you and I’m not going to apologize for talking about you and being transparent about my feelings for you.”
I lift my head up to look at him. “Okay. That’s fair. But I’m not going to apologize either for asking for more time to establish myself as a serious skateboarder. Maybe once I do that I’ll be more comfortable gushing about you when Eileen invites me on her show.”
Beck gives me a reassuring kiss on my forehead. “Good. Now let’s go to sleep. You still have school tomorrow, Hotshot.”
He’s right. I’m still a fulltime student. But I feel like he’s also given me permission to imagine other possibilities than the one I’ve always assumed would be my path the next few years. If things continue in the course they’ve taken these past couple of days, maybe I’ll take a more meandering path like Beck did. He seems to have landed right where he wants to be, and while looking to my boyfriend as a role model might make feminists around the world cringe, it doesn’t bother me like it once might have. After all, it’s not as if I actually agreed to marry him tomorrow.
Chapter Seventeen
Beck
It’s Saturday night at the Jay Beach house, and I can’t help but notice how long it’s been since Griff brought a woman around. All of us are sitting on the back deck, the evening just cool enough to justify turning on the gas fire pit. Zora and Brie are sharing the only love seat. Jordan’s between my legs on a lounge chair. And Ellie is curled up on Taylor’s lap. Griff’s on my other side, seemingly content on his own.
I pass him one of the cold beers I just got from the fridge. “Hey man, you haven’t been bringing anyone around and you aren’t going out on the weekends from what I can tell. You got a secret girlfriend or what’s up?”
Griff smirks. “You noticed that, huh? Didn’t know you were keeping track of me.”
“We’ve been roommates a while now and I might not pay close attention, but I know there’s usually someone passing through every week or two.”
Griff laughs quietly. “Passing through? Nice way to put it.”
“You know, some woman I run into on the way in or out of our place, but never see again.”
Looking around, I wonder if it’s because we’ve all coupled off and Griff doesn’t want to give women the wrong impression if he brings them around to hang out with our crew. “Is it because none of us are going out with you anymore and we don’t really have parties around here?” We have people over, sure, but it doesn’t extend much beyond our closer circle, which isn’t ideal for Griff’s hook-up agenda. That is, if he still has a hook-up agenda.
Griff shoots me a pointed look. “Dude, if I wanted to meet women without giving them the wrong impression of long-term potential, I know how to find them.”
Ah, okay, still the same Griff then. “So why haven’t I seen any?” I also know he’s perfectly capable of not only meeting women but bringing them home with him when he puts his mind to it. Maybe he’s been going to their places instead. But then again, he’s always hanging around with us.
Griff glances beyond me and I turn to confirm he’s checking if Jordan is listening. She is. Jordan smiles and shrugs.
“Yeah, I’m eavesdropping. I was wondering the same thing.”
“You guys aren’t going to like my answer,” Griff warns us.
“Please don’t tell me you’re secretly dating Fliss or Sydney,” Jordan warns.
Griff winces but before I can jump to a conclusion, he says, “No, definitely not. But razzleydazzles, aka the future Mrs. Griffin Perry, is still messaging me all kinds of weird stuff on Instagram.”
“Why don’t you block her?” I ask.
“Because I feel like at some point, she’s going to reveal she’s really Fliss, or give something away to identify herself. Then we can put it all to rest.”
Jordan leans forward in her chair and steals my beer. “What kind of weird stuff?” She takes a long sip and hands it back.
Griff’s eyes move to the fire. “Just all the reasons she’s obsessed with me. Admires me. Some of the stuff on its own is the same as messages or comments I get from regular fans.” He looks back at us and rubs his jaw. “But then she’ll add some comment about why whatever trait she’s pointed out makes me a perfect match for her. Why we’re destined for each other.”
There’s a beat of silence while Jordan and I process this. “She say anything about Jordan?” I press.
“Not really.”
“Not really?” I don’t mean to sound so biting, but he knows if it pertains to Jordan’s safety, he better not be keeping it from me.