But it isn’t in me to shut the door on someone, and I can’t help it, I’m curious what it is she wants to say. I open the door all the way, allowing her to step inside. There’s only one chair in the room, and I gesture for her to sit on it while I take the edge of the bed.
“I just want to explain the footage from the season finale of Shred Live, and apologize.”
I nod, trying to keep my expression neutral. She sounds so steady and sane now, but her behavior around Beck, constantly accosting him, inviting him to her room, appeared anything but. Sure, video footage can twist reality, but I’ve heard Beck’s version of events, and I really can’t imagine what her explanation will be besides that she was overcome by her desire for my boyfriend. I brace myself for the most awkward explanation of all time.
She puffs out her cheeks and looks somewhere over my head.
“I did try to get Beck to hook up with me, repeatedly, while we were filming and living at the Shred Live house. I knew he wasn’t responding how I hoped, but I kept trying for two reasons.” She laughs quietly to herself. “Fine, three reasons.”
Yep, this is definitely one of the most awkward conversations of my life, not that I’m really contributing. I do say, “Okay,” prompting her to continue.
“The first reason isn’t one I’m proud of. Well, none of them are, but this one is hardest to admit.”
“You did it to get air time and buzz?” I guess.
She finally makes eye contact, and seems surprised at my question. “Yes, actually. I guess I’m more obvious than I thought.” She laughs softly again, but doesn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as I feel. “I knew he’d make it to the season finale, and I knew he was the most popular, most famous person on the cast. Being on the show was a huge opportunity for me. I’ve been on the edges as a pro. I’ve never had consistent sponsorships and they barely paid the bills. I knew this was my chance to get to the next level, where I could actually count on earning a living from sponsors and people recognizing my name.”
“So you decided the best way to get air time was to continually hit on Beck?” I try to keep the disgust out of my voice but I’m not sure I succeed.
“I’m not as naturally talented as you or the Sarah Kases of the world. I love skateboarding and I’m good at it, sure, good enough to be in the pro circuit. But I’ll never get famous from skateboarding alone.”
Feeling a headache coming on, I rub the space between my eyebrows. Why am I even asking questions or seeking to find the rationale behind her actions? It’s pointless. Not wanting to get into an analysis of this particular reason, I say tiredly, “The other two reasons?”
“I wanted to piss off Sarah. Sarah Kase. She’s not just a bitch to you, Jordan. She’s always acted better than me. And sure, she’s better at skateboarding, but she treats me like trash. Kelly was the same way.”
I swallow down the words threatening to rip from my throat. Kelly is Beck’s ex-girlfriend and Camila’s ex-best friend. Camila used to come on to Beck while he was with Kelly. When Kelly wouldn’t back off after Beck broke up with her, he made out with Camila to push Kelly away for good. It was easy for him to do, since Camila was always throwing herself at him. And his plan worked. I’d love to point out how screwed up Camila’s mindset is if she tries to hurt friends by hooking up with a guy they like. Maybe she needs to just pick nicer friends who treat her well?
Instead, I murmur, “Yeah I saw the episode where Sarah tried to kiss Beck.”
I don’t think Camila hears me, she’s back to looking contemplative and not making eye contact with me. “I mean, I realize now they were just jealous of me. Not for skateboarding, but for the attention I get for my looks.”
Maybe if we were close friends, this statement wouldn’t be so obnoxious. It’s clear the woman is drop dead gorgeous and exudes sexuality. I’m sure looking the way she does comes with some complications, like friends getting jealous, but I’m definitely not the person she would want to open up with about this. To start, we’re not friends. Not even close. Is this her trying to change that, open up about her vulnerabilities? Not that being beautiful is necessarily a vulnerability, but… I shake my head. I’m exhausted and the pounding in my head is getting worse.
“Thanks for explaining this to me, Camila. I’m super tired though and going to call it a night.” I stand up, and despite some definite ineptitude in appropriate social interaction, she follows my lead.
“You said there was one more thing?” I remember, wanting to soften the blow of pushing her out the door.
“Oh yeah.” She laughs in earnest this time. “But that one’s obvious.”
“It is?”
“Yeah, Beckett Steele is hot. I did want to hook up with him. And maybe I should be apologizing for that too, but you can’t really blame me, right?” Her words might sound somewhat flippant, but her eyes tell a different story. Yikes. She definitely still wants him and if her hazy expression means anything, she’s imagined it in plenty of detail. She’s probably even imagining it right now.
“Don’t worry, I know he’s with you now,” she offers in reassurance before we say goodnight and I shut the door. It would have been nice if she also told me she wasn’t going to pull any of that on him again, but I suppose the conversation could have gone worse. And it’s over now. She’s given me an explanation that will have to do, and will give me some peace of mind when I see her around at skateboarding events. If I really wanted to dig deeper I could have asked about whether she went in his room at night and spied on him like the footage showed, but part of me doesn’t want to confront that.
I go straight back to the bathroom to brush my teeth again and use some mouthwash. That weird conversation might have given Camila some peace, and at least I feel more comfortable dismissing the entire situation and leaving it as water under the bridge like I told Beck earlier. But it still left a bad taste in my mouth.
Chapter Fifteen
Jordan
I spend all of Friday contemplating if it’s foolish to try a 720 in the finals. Yes I’ve landed it three times now, but that’s only three times, all on the same ramp behind the Jay Beach house. I’m familiar with that setup, the slope and everything about it. But as I sit by watching the guys compete on Friday, there’s a burning inside me and I can’t seem to put it out. When they let the women on the course for a practice session in the afternoon, the burning only gets stronger. I’m not about to practice in front of an audience. If I try the 720, it will be a surprise to everyone, even Beck. I want to be the only one putting expectations on myself. No matter how many times I land a trick like that in practice, there’s always a chance it won’t come together at the moment I need it to.
When I wake up Saturday morning and make my way to the park, that fire inside of me hasn’t diminished. I want so badly to try a 720 at this competition, even if my rationale is flawed. Beck thought I should practice the trick at other parks besides Jay Beach, get comfortable with it before considering giving it a shot at a contest. He has faith I’ll be ready by the X Games, but now I don’t want that to be my first time revealing it to the world. Or attempting to reveal it. There will be enough pressure on me there as it is. And by then, if I do practice at other parks like Beck suggests, there could be buzz about it. I don’t want buzz. I want to shock myself and land this thing in front of an audience. And I want to shock the audience too.