She got up, not even waiting for my answer. “Please, make yourself at home.”
I wanted to tell her it was time for me to leave, but she was already gone, and I wasn’t sure what to do. It wouldn’t be okay to leave without saying goodbye to her. Maybe I could wait for her to finish her call. Maybe it wouldn’t really take long.
I sat in silence for several minutes, relieved that Hayden still didn’t arrive. I stayed here longer than I intended, and I wasn’t ready to see him if my short-lived luck decided to turn its back on me now. I was never ready to see him.
Quite unexpectedly, a strange thought constructed a path into my mind, nearly stealing my breath.
I could quickly go upstairs and see Kay’s room.
The pain came to life in my chest. No. I couldn’t do that.
But then... I miss him.
I missed Kayden so much. There was nothing left of him anymore. In a moment of great anguish, I destroyed all the things he’d bought me as presents, which were mercilessly reminding me of him, and I deleted all photos, because I couldn’t stand seeing his happy face. It was silently accusing me of killing him.
I could never get over blaming myself for his death. Maybe I didn’t pull the trigger, but I brought the gun, and he died because I was so careless.
Now I needed anything that was his, just to remind myself that he’d been real. I needed to remember the happy times we’d spent together.
The more I thought about this crazy idea, the more I wanted to do it. I needed to go and see if his room was the same as it had been when he was alive.
I walked out of the kitchen, Carmen’s distant voice reaching me from her office. I glanced at their front yard to check if Hayden arrived before I raced up their stairs.
Kayden’s room was the second room on the right, directly across Hayden’s. I took a deep breath as I studied Kay’s door, assuring myself I would just take a quick peek.
I turned the knob and pushed his door open, thankful that they weren’t keeping it locked. As I stepped inside his neat, bright room, Kay’s lavender-vanilla scent hit my nostrils, and pain infused my chest. His smell was still present in here.
I looked around and noticed that everything was exactly the same. His bed was made, every single volume of his mangas occupied the bookshelf, and the video game CDs stood on a cube box shelf next to his Xbox. Even his controllers were there, left in the same place on the floor where he’d always kept them. It seemed like the room was regularly cleaned since there was no dust on the furniture.
Kay’s telescope, which he’d bought several months before he died, stood next to his window, directed toward the sky. I clearly remembered his excitement when he showed it to me for the first time. He wanted me to look through it again and again, excited like a small child.
He kept talking about constellations, and I wasn’t actually paying attention to his words because the topic was a bit boring for me at that time... Now I wanted nothing more than to hear him talk about the stars and see his eyes shine with joy.
I stopped next to his telescope, looking through the window. The sky was clear, at contrast to the bleakness in me that confined me. What would Kay do at this moment if he were alive? He would probably put his shoulder to the wheel to complete his aerospace college applications. He would participate in many projects and seminars. He would have everything prepared in advance and he...
Tears appeared in my eyes, and I couldn’t breathe. I wiped them off, but they kept coming. I knew this was neither the time nor the place to cry, but this room made me feel broken.
Coming to Kay’s room was a mistake, after all.
It made everything worse. It was painful to look around his room and see that everything was the same, but Kayden would never appear in that doorway. No.
This was definitely a mistake.
This room suffocated me with its emptiness, and I needed to get out... I swiveled, ready to bolt, and stopped dead in my tracks.
Hayden stood at the threshold. He stared at me with murder in his eyes, looking like the devil himself.
Chapter 11
NO.
My eyes glued to his in fear. They were two pits of rage as he glared at me, his body shuddering. I stepped backward, and he immediately followed.
“What are you fucking doing here?!”
I flinched, hunching my shoulders. “I-I-I was—”
“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING HERE, BITCH?!” He pounced on me and pushed me into a wall.
“Why did you come here?” he spat out as he shook me by the shoulders. I was scared to utter a word because even a small mistake could set him off and he would hurt me.
His face was too close, so I had no other choice but to look him in the eyes. He reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, and I was appalled that he was completely drunk in the middle of the day.
“ANSWER ME!”
The blood pounded in my ears. I was so stupid for even setting foot in Hayden’s house.
“I was... I was helping your mother... She needed help, so I came to your house—”
He grabbed my arm and yanked me, almost causing me to trip. Without stopping, he threw me out of the room, and I fell on my hands and knees. He loomed over me, but instead of hitting me like I feared, he pulled me up by the collar of my shirt and pressed me against the wall, fuming with rage.
“Did you already forget the last time we were here? Did you forget I told you never to come to this house again?”
How could I forget? On that day I finally realized Hayden was a monster with no compassion.
“You made a big mistake, bitch.” Hayden squeezed my neck, cutting off my air supply. “Trash like you has no right to enter Kayden’s room.”
I couldn’t believe this was happening! I couldn’t breathe... It hurt. I put my hands against his shoulders, trying to push him away, but I couldn’t... All I saw was his face that was distorted in fury.
A sinister voice came from the recesses of my dark, odious mind, telling me I deserved this. I caused the accident, and Kayden died because of me, so this was justice...
“Hayden! Stop!” Mrs. Black screamed at him, stopping a few feet away.
Hayden didn’t release me yet, his eyes clouded by ferocious darkness I didn’t recognize or understand, and it was beyond terrifying. It was like he wasn’t even seeing me, lost somewhere far away...
“Please, Hayden!” she pleaded in tears, just as I hoped for blackness to finally consume me, so I wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore. “Stop this madness! You are going to kill her!”
At this, his eyes flashed with horror and regret, and his darkness vanished. He released me with a whimper, staggering aside. My knees gave out, and I slid down the wall, coughing, but Carmen took a hold of my shoulders before I landed on the floor and supported me.
He just stood there as his shaking intensified, and I could see the distress on his face—like he couldn’t believe what he was about to do. He looked at his open hands, his eyes widening, and he let out another whimper. I wondered if he really felt guilty or if that was just an act.
“Hayden, this has gone too far,” Carmen said in a quivering voice.
Did his eyes become teary just now?
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his hands curled into fists. “I don’t want to see her here again. Do you understand, mother?” His voice wavered, becoming hoarse. He still kept his eyes firmly closed.