“No need,” he said and rushed up the stairs, leaving me flabbergasted.
“Hey!” I shouted and went after him, fear seeping into my every pore. He couldn’t be doing this!
By the time I reached him, he was already in my room. He was standing frozen, taking everything in. The lamp on my desk emitted a slight amount of light in the otherwise dark room, letting the shadows rise, and this alone made me feel extremely vulnerable.
He didn’t pay attention to me as he studied the college portfolio drawing on my laptop screen and the papers scattered on my desk. His pensive expression didn’t change a bit when he slid his gaze to the drawings on the walls, but then my pulse rapidly increased because he was seconds away from finding a drawing of Kayden, which was placed next to my window.
To make the humiliation more complete, I’d drawn Hayden as well and placed the drawing right above my bed, which happened a long time ago, when I was head over heels for him. Now, I deeply regretted not destroying it.
Kay’s and his drawings were dissimilar, at least to me, because they depicted a different reflection in their eyes and showed those tiny differences on their faces. Also, I’d shadowed their facial lines differently, thus making Hayden’s face darker and more mysterious.
It didn’t take him long to notice Kay’s drawing. He stepped closer to it, not taking his eyes off of it. “Of course you’d draw him,” he muttered to himself.
What was that supposed to mean?
He didn’t move for quite a while, looking at Kayden’s drawing, while I racked my brain to think of a way to get him out of here.
“I figured out recently that I’ve never been in your room before, and that’s a huge mistake, because this place means everything to you.”
I felt sick. He knew. He knew that my room was my safe place; something that wasn’t stained with his hate. Ironically, his room was just a few feet away, but despite that, this was the only place where I felt safe, where I felt far away from the world of pain—from Hayden’s world.
As if he’d read my mind, he faced me and said, “I don’t want you to feel safe anywhere. Not even in your own room. Besides, you went against me when you decided on that website theme alone, and I won’t just let you get away with it.”
Of course. He didn’t come here because of our project. He wanted to retaliate. He wanted to use this situation to hurt me on the most personal level.
Horror gripped my insides when I remembered that my Instagram and YouTube accounts were open in the separate tabs in my browser. If he decided to snoop through my laptop, he would easily see them.
Hell no. If he realized I had successful art accounts, he would most likely shut them down.
“Get out of my room. I don’t want you here.”
“Yeah? Well, I don’t want you in my life, but there you are, always present and impossible to avoid.”
“You can easily avoid me. Ignore me.”
He swiveled around, his intense eyes fixed on me, creating a churning fire in the pit of my stomach. My small room felt much smaller, and I couldn’t breathe evenly anymore. I willed myself to take a few deep breaths, watching Hayden move and stop right in front of me. What was he going to do to me?
“I could never ignore you, no matter how much I tried.”
What?
My stomach did a somersault, and I actually felt weak. It was like my legs weren’t mine. There was something about him that kept me in place, causing me to forget about everything but us in this moment. I inhaled deeply, greedy for the air that could help me clear my thoughts, but that was a big mistake because the distinctive scent of his pine tree cologne met my nostrils. I liked it, which was befuddling.
“Please, get out,” I whispered, battling to maintain the eye contact. He remained silent as he studied my face. It felt intimate having him here. It felt unusual.
I was afraid. I was excited.
“I make you nervous.”
I swallowed with difficulty. “You already know that.”
He came closer to me, and I couldn’t move. After everything he’d done, after everything that was Hayden, I couldn’t move. What was it in him that didn’t scare me away? Where were my instincts that were always telling me to run?
I hate him, so why?
He raised his gaze above my head, focusing on something behind me, and grew still. “What?” he asked in surprise. I lowered my head in shame, knowing exactly what he was looking at. “You drew me.”
He recognized it. He understood it was him in that picture, which I’d spent so many nights on, trying to make it perfect and working on every tiny detail until I was happy with my Hayden. I’d spent so much time staring at that drawing and dreaming of him, hoping he would grow to love me one day.
I’d been so naive.
“It was a long time ago.”
He returned his attention to me, and the sudden fire in his eyes shocked me. “But you still kept it all this time.”
Damn, why did he have to be so perceptive? Why couldn’t he leave?
“You... Why did you do this?” he asked.
“Why do you care?”
I expected him to say he didn’t care and include some mean remark. Instead, he tipped up my chin. I jerked when his skin came in contact with mine, but he didn’t let me go. I tried to take a step backward, but he placed his other arm around my waist, keeping me in place, keeping me so close to him... Too close.
“Did you really mean what you said at Kayden’s grave? You wanted to help me? You wanted to be there for me?”
His eyes... Oh God, his eyes were like nothing I’d seen before. They were burning into me, devouring me, and getting through to the farthest corners of my soul. There was no hate. Only... Need.
He was shaking my world.
And for the first time after a long time, I wanted to reach for him. I wanted to touch him.
I...
No. No.
This must be a trick.
This must be an illusion.
He didn’t deserve this, and he didn’t deserve me. I snapped out of it, becoming rigid under his hands.
“It didn’t mean anything. I don’t care about you, Hayden. And as far as I am concerned, you—”
Too suddenly, he grabbed my arms and pushed me down on my bed, pinning me to the mattress. He raised my hands above my head and captured my wrists in his hand, just like that evening in the forest, and fear clouded my mind. I screamed, expecting the worst. He silenced me by pressing his hand against my mouth, and I began kicking and writhing violently, trying to get him off me.
“Shhh,” he whispered into my ear and kissed it softly. I closed my eyes, hating to be at his mercy like this. “I won’t hurt you.”
That... That is a lie. I don’t trust you.
He pressed his lips against the sensitive skin bellow my ear, and I whimpered against my will. He licked that place, and to my complete confusion, it felt good . My heart throbbed.
He didn’t stop, nibbling and leaving hot kisses all over my neck. Slowly, my fear turned into something else—something I didn’t want to name.
Everywhere he kissed he left only pleasure, and my inner demon begged for more. That demon made me forget. It made me dazed and no logic or pride mattered. What is Hayden doing to me?
I had no idea when I stopped resisting. The way my body felt was too good to be true. It felt unreal, like a sweet nightmare.