I tried to tell her I didn’t think her style matched mine, not wanting to wear some patterned red skirt and black boots, but she told me not to worry about anything and that she would also do my makeup, which only increased my worry.
I didn’t want her to dress me up or do my makeup. Melissa liked to wear lots of makeup, so I would probably look like a vamp queen. Either way, I didn’t want to risk it, so I brought my most favorite pair of jeans and a plain, black shirt. That way I wouldn’t attract any unnecessary attention.
“Is there anything special about this party?” Adelaine asked. “Maybe some boy?” She wiggled her eyebrows at Jonathan. I didn’t need to respond to this, because a new wave of blush on my cheeks spoke more than enough.
Mateo was going to be there, and I was a bit nervous because of him. If he really liked me, and Melissa was one hundred percent sure he did, it could mean we could kiss tonight. Just the thought itself awoke flutters in my belly.
“This is my first party after a long time,” I told them. “I don’t go to parties.”
She gasped. “Really? But why? You’re such a gorgeous young girl and you should be living your life! You should enjoy your youth and have fun while you can, because when you grow up, you’re going to regret not using your chances.”
Grown ups always talked like this. Live your life because you live it only once . I got that, I really did, but it wasn’t easy to live life to the fullest when you were poor, bullied, and had no way of getting people’s affection.
“Yes, I’m aware of that, but I didn’t have friends I could party with.”
Her expression turned sympathetic. “That’s just sad.” Yeah, tell me about it. “But why?”
“I don’t get along with people.”
Jonathan was observing me silently, listening to Adelaine and me. He looked unsatisfied. I avoided his gaze, but then he said, “Every person can get along with people. You just didn’t find the right people for you.”
“T-That’s not true!” I stammered in embarrassment. “Everyone hates me, and I’m sure there must be something wrong with me—”
“Stop making yourself a victim.” Jonathan was as harsh as ever. “No one can be friends with everyone. That is impossible because we are all different, which is completely natural. What matters is that you find someone who is right for you. Someone you can be yourself with.”
I gaped at him, incapable of forming words.
“Don’t let yourself fall into despair. When the right time comes, you’ll find people who will accept you for who you are. Just because you didn’t find them in one tiny place on this planet, doesn’t mean they don’t exist at all.”
My chest tightened with elation because he was right. It wasn’t quite true that I couldn’t get along with people. I had Jessica, and I had to believe that what we had was a real friendship. I had to believe she wouldn’t run away from me or betray me.
I’d had Kayden. I had that sweet soul, who for some reason decided I was the right person to be his best friend. If I never had another friend for the rest of my life, at least I’d had Kayden who truly loved me.
Jonathan’s words were on the mark. Making myself a victim was the worst thing I could do. That would never empower me. That would only make me weaker and throw me into a deeper ignorance.
“You’re right,” I told him with the full respect I felt for him right now.
“I know I’m right. Do you think I’m throwing my wisdom around here just to spend some words? I don’t think so.”
Adelaine giggled like a little girl at his impudence, but for the first time I wasn’t offended by his blunt remark at all, because I finally understood who Jonathan was. Unlike those bad people who were wrapped in pretty packages that hid their true natures, Jonathan was crude and brusque, but he always told the truth. He wanted to help me in his own unconventional way, but it was a help nevertheless.
AFTER WORK, MELISSA took me to the restroom and put her makeup on my face, or “did her magic,” as she called it. She worked quickly and let me take a look in the mirror only when she finished.
I couldn’t look away from my reflection. My now-striking eyes were contoured with a black eye pencil and a bit of black eye shadow. The blush on my cheeks accentuated my cheeks and jaw, and I had a beige lipstick on my lips, which matched my fair complexion. I batted my eyelashes a few times, admiring what I saw. I looked very pretty.
Melissa took black jeans and a gray slim fit top out of her bag. The front part of the top was covered with gray lace, which looked cute, but it was something I wouldn’t usually dare to wear. Once more, I tried to refuse her because I felt uncomfortable accepting her clothes, and I didn’t feel confident enough to wear them, but she didn’t change her mind in the slightest, convincing me to wear them eventually.
I put on my black ballerina pumps and followed Melissa out of the retirement home. She was wearing tight black pants that were ripped on the front and a shirt with a guitar imprint that hung loose on her hips. Her makeup was heavy, unlike mine, but it suited her well.
She drove us to Jessica’s house to pick her up.
“I can’t wait to see Mateo’s reaction when he sees you! He’ll totally fall for you even more,” she said excitedly.
I gnawed at my lip, extremely keyed up. If everything went well, Mateo and I would kiss and maybe get together? I had a hard time imagining hooking up with someone this very evening. That would be my first time, and I was absolutely terrified.
What if I did something weird? What if I got so confused that I actually embarrassed myself in front of him? What if—
“Right. I forgot to tell you,” Melissa interrupted my erratic thoughts. “There will be some students from your school too.” I looked at her in horror, my heart picking up its pace rapidly.
“What?” I croaked.
“Yeah. Maybe you’ll recognize some of them.” No.
No, no, no.
She formed a gigantic smile. “Tonight will be so fun.”
Chapter 24
I SPENT THE REST OF our trip twisting my hands and fighting my anxiety. I couldn’t go to a party where I could see my classmates. All excitement had left me, and I felt like the tension would swallow me whole any moment. I had to take deep breaths in order not to have an anxiety attack.
What if Hayden was there? What were the possibilities of that happening?
Oh, who was I kidding? Melissa had already said her brother was friends with someone from our school. On top of that, Steven participated in fights just like Hayden.
No. Hayden mustn’t be there tonight. He mustn’t.
We picked Jessica up, who was wearing a gorgeous, flowery fit and flare dress that went to her knees and revealed her arms. She combined it with a red satin jacket and red ballerina pumps. Her long hair was curled and her face had a bit of makeup, but wearing makeup or not, she looked absolutely beautiful.
“You two are so going to make boys drool all over you,” Melissa squealed.
“You think?” Jessica asked from the back seat.
“Absolutely.”
I tried to relax, listening to Melissa chirp about many things, but I couldn’t, especially when her house came into view. My jaw dropped because it was enormous. It had two garages and two long driveways that were filled with too many cars. I observed the parked vehicles to find any familiar ones, but it was dark and there were so many of them, so I couldn’t find what I was looking for.