Weeping, she clung to me, her arms tight around my neck, her words incoherent. There was nothing I could do but stroke her back, murmur words of reassurance and wait for the storm to pass. Hilda and Ash crept away and I could hear their low voices disappear to the kitchen.
With Poppy settled on my lap, her wet face cuddled into my neck, I spoke softly to her, my heart aching at her anguish, holding her tight as if that might keep the demons at bay.
‘Poppy, darling. It’s okay. You’re okay.’ I kept whispering words of comfort and eventually she calmed, her sobs subsiding in little snuffly hiccoughs and her arms releasing the death grip around my neck.
All I could do was hold her, make her feel safe, and wait until she could tell me what was wrong, all the while dropping kisses on the top of her head. Finally, she looked up at me, her eyes filled with heart‐breaking sadness and her cheeks tear‐stained and mottled.
‘Sweetheart, what’s the matter?’
‘I w‐was scared.’
‘Scared of what?’
‘That you wouldn’t come back.’
‘Of course I was going to come back.’
‘But you don’t have to. You could send us away. You’re not even our mum and she’s gone.’
‘Poppy, I promise you, I won’t send you away.’
‘But you might.’
‘Who would look after me and make me packed lunches every day?’
‘But we’re not yours. You don’t have to stay. Why doesn’t Mum come home? Or even answer her phone or send us messages?’
‘I…’ I wasn’t going to lie for Alice. ‘I don’t know, darling, but I do know that I will never send you away.’
‘Even if she doesn’t come back?’ Poppy’s candid stare made my heart bump uncomfortably.
‘I promise I will never, ever send you away.’
‘She’s not coming back, is she?’
I felt my teeth catch my lip and I stopped myself; it was becoming a habit.
‘Do you think it’s because I’m horrible sometimes? I make Ava cry.’
‘Poppy, I make Ava cry too.’
‘I know, but sometimes I’m not very good. Sometimes I’m horrible.’
‘Yeah, you are,’ I said making it sound as light-hearted as possible. ‘But we all are, sometimes. You think I’m this perfect all the time?’
She let out a little half-snuffle-giggle.
‘It takes a lot of work. I’ve had thirty years of practice. You’ve got a way to go. You’re only ten.’
‘That’s silly, Auntie Claire.’ After a pause, she said, ‘I don’t mean to be horrible. It just comes out sometimes. I’m sorry I’ve been mean this week. I thought you put us into After-school Club because you didn’t want us anymore. Because you liked your work more than people. Mummy always said you…’ she faltered, ‘didn’t have time for us. That’s why you never came to visit very often.’
With a wince, I pulled her closer. ‘I was busy… but so were you. At the weekends you had birthday parties, football, swimming lessons, dance classes.’
‘We never did football,’ protested Poppy, wrinkling her nose at the very thought.
Maybe I’d got that wrong, but there’d always been something when I’d offered to come over to see them all. And when I’d offered to babysit, Alice had brushed me aside saying she never went out. So I’d offered again, so that she could. Alice had put up the barriers, not me, but how could I tell Poppy that? Or that her mother usually called me or invited me over when she wanted something, most of the time money?
‘Do you feel better now?’ I hadn’t answered her original question but thankfully the moment seemed to have passed. I’d have to have something for her next time.
She nodded. ‘Can I stay up with you for a bit longer?’
‘Course you can. Why don’t I make us both a hot chocolate?’
‘Can Bill stay too? In my room?’
I looked down at the dog who was snuggled into Poppy’s side, one of her hands fondling his ear. His big brown eyes blinked up at me before he sighed and nestled his head back onto Poppy’s lap.
‘As long as it’s all right with Ash.’
Bill spent the night in Poppy’s room and Ash did not spend the night in mine. He went home alone, which had not been in either of our plans.
‘I could kill Alice,’ I muttered fiercely to Hilda on the landing as we said our goodnights. ‘She’s not responded to a single one of my messages. I don’t know what to do. I’m worried that the girls might get taken into care. Like I said to Ash earlier, I don’t know what my legal position is.’
‘Ah, well, there’s something I can help with there. We’ll phone Farquhar in the morning. He’s a barrister. Family law is his speciality. Difficult to believe, I know. You expect someone like him to be dealing with criminals or corporate sharks but no, family law.’
‘Will he mind?’ I thought of our last meeting.
‘He won’t have a choice. If he doesn’t help, I’ll disinherit him. Now, there’s nothing more you can do this evening. I suggest we all get some sleep.’ With a quick pause, she patted me on the arm before adding, ‘I’m sorry I had to interrupt your evening. Just when things were going so well.’ She shot me a naughty grin and I almost expected her to rub her hands together Bond villain-style.
‘And just when I was thinking of asking you to come away for a few days with me and the girls,’ I teased.
‘Oh, that would be a capital idea. I have a lovely house in Norfolk, right above the beach. Kevin McCloud said it was one of his favourites. Although we’d better not tell Farquhar before he’s advised you as it might set him off again. He might think you’ve got designs on his inheritance.’
‘Where does Farquhar live?’ I asked suddenly. Although Hilda talked about him disparaging terms, he was still her son.
‘Not that far away. Near Ripon. He has a little Lord of the Manor place, although he’ll inherit the entire estate in Scotland when his father dies.’
‘Perhaps we should invite him for tea one day.’
‘Why on earth would we want to do that?’ Hilda’s regal tone didn’t fool me.
‘Because,’ I said firmly, ‘it would be a nice thing to do and you are his mother.’
‘I suppose when you put it like that…’ With a regal nod she turned and glided off in marabou-feather-trimmed slippers towards the spare bedroom.
I watched her go with a fond smile. For once I’d managed to take the wind out of her sails.
It felt good the next morning to get my running kit on and Bill bounced around my feet as I left the noisy kitchen where Hilda was teaching Poppy and Ava how to make pancakes.
‘Will you bring Bill back with you?’ Poppy darted down the hall as I opened the front door.
‘Yes, sweetie. Hilda is going to cook breakfast for me and Ash when we’ve done our run but I think Bill could use the exercise.’ And she was going to phone her son and hand her mobile over to me. I chewed my lip at the thought of that conversation; I hoped, despite our earlier meeting, he’d be helpful.