“It happens on occasion,” Xavier said absently.
Roman sneaked a quick peek at Xavier’s computer screen. “Work? Do you usually sit at your kitchen table to work? Don’t you have an office in this ginormous house?”
“Yes, but it’s too far from the refrigerator and pantry, which would have me making too many trips between my office and here, cross checking my list to my menus and recipes.” Xavier focused on Roman again. “Did you need something?”
“Not really. I just wanted to check on you. Brett said you seemed upset when you left the coffeehouse this morning.”
“Why would I be upset?”
Roman shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable, and making Xavier’s guilt skyrocket. He knew he was being difficult.
Xavier sighed and closed his laptop before taking off his blue-blocking glasses. “Look. You can tell Brett not to worry. Our friendship is in no danger. Dean is obviously embarrassed by what happened between us, and—really—I should’ve seen that coming. So there’s no fear I’ll make him have to stop talking to me because I’ve hurt his brother, or whatever.”
Roman cocked his head to one side and eyed Xavier. “Is that really what you think Brett’s worrying about?”
Xavier shrugged. He already felt like a big enough idiot. He wished they could stop talking about this. “It doesn’t matter. I obviously miscalculated the situation. It won’t happen again. There’s no need to continue this discussion.”
Roman leaned his elbow on the table and propped up his chin on his fist. “Are you saying it’ll never happen again because there’s no hope or because you don’t plan to try?”
Despite his best efforts, a small growl escaped Xavier. “Does it matter?”
“Actually, yes,” Roman said, sounding as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “Now that I’m with Brett and we’re getting married, I’ve slowed down. My past looks a lot clearer now. I don’t regret my missed opportunities because everything in my life led me to Brett, but I see now where I let my ridiculous thoughts hold me back. There were so many times I didn’t go after things because I didn’t want to get hurt or I felt like it was inevitable that I would get publicly smacked down. That’s dumb as hell. I probably missed hundreds of chances at happiness because staying in my comfort zone was easier. If you really like Dean, and—judging by watching you two interact, I think you do—you’re making a mistake if you quit now.”
Xavier shook his head. A chuckle rose in his throat. “Are you saying Brett is worried I’m missing a shot with his brother?”
“Oh, no. Brett is one hundred percent certain that Dean will break his own heart to keep himself from dating anyone with money.”
Xavier’s forehead furrowed. He hadn’t expected that. “What?”
Roman nodded. “Brett and Dean’s parents stopped talking to them when Dean was fifteen. Brett finished raising him. Brett thinks that Dean feels like it’s his fault and like he cost Brett their parents. So he’s determined to live life as humbly as possible, like a penance or something. He doesn’t think he deserves anything good. Brett thinks you would definitely fall under the too good to accept category. He’s worried about you both. I am too, because I think Brett’s right, and I also think you’re so used to having your way that you’ll give up at the first hint of a challenge.”
Xavier’s eyebrows tried crawling to his hairline. “Wow. That’s a real asshole thing to say to your friend who is also your boss.”
“Am I wrong?”
Was he? Xavier didn’t know. He had been so busy since walking away from Dean trying not to think or feel that he hadn’t examined the facts. Unfortunately, he had done nothing but think about his situation since Dean left after their night together and didn’t look back. He had never questioned himself like this before. Had he pushed too hard? Misread the signs? Had he done something Dean didn’t like? In the end, it didn’t matter. The results were the same. Dean had walked away and not looked back. Seeing him again today had only proven Xavier’s worst fears. Dean wanted nothing else to do with him.
Xavier stood and moved to the refrigerator. He needed buttermilk for one of next week’s recipes. There was some in the fridge, but it didn’t look like enough.
Roman blew out a loud breath. “Fine. Do what you want, then.”
Xavier didn’t stop hiding inside the fridge until Roman left. His heart dipped a little lower once he was alone. Xavier had gotten a bit used to living with Brett while his house had been under renovation. Now he got lonelier than he liked to admit. At Brett’s, Dean had visited every day and Xavier had lapped up the attention. All of Xavier’s family still lived in Sweden. He worked from home these days and barely spoke to anyone besides Brett and Roman. Seeing Dean every day had been nice. Xavier had enjoyed the teasing and flirting. The lingering eye contact. Now everything felt quiet. Empty.
As Xavier moved back to the table, he noticed a lone paper sitting on his closed laptop. He picked it up and eyed the scratched words. A small smile tugged at his lips. Roman had left him Dean’s cellphone number, address, and the address of where he worked. The ball was in his court, it seemed. Maybe he had a little time for some light stalking. After all, he truly did like Dean. It seemed crazy to give up now.
Three
With his foot resting on an empty stool, Dean stared sightlessly at a magazine from the stool beside it. Some nights, work could be boring as shit. Other nights, it felt like he couldn’t breathe because he was too busy. It looked like tonight would be one of the endless ones where nothing happened. Dean flipped back to the magazine’s cover to remind himself what he had been staring at for the past hour. He didn’t think he had absorbed any of it. Oh yeah. It was some rock legend thing.
“Wow. I haven’t been by in a while. You’ve got a lot more sketches up.”
Dean tossed his magazine aside and stood. As he looked on, Brett flipped through a few of the poster board display cases, checking out Dean’s designs. “I haven’t been sleeping much. That gives me extra time to draw. Plus,” he motioned at the empty room. “As you can see, I’m not exactly crawling with business.”
Brett’s gaze snapped his way. His forehead furrowed. “Do I need to pay for a billboard or something to get some traffic headed your way?”
Dean fought a smile. Brett’s heart was always in the right place. “No. I’m still getting enough business to get by. It’s just the slow season right now. People are hibernating. When spring fever hits and they start thinking about showing skin, I’ll be too busy to think.”
With a nod, Brett crossed the room. “Your talent never ceases to blow me away.”
A smile pulled at Dean’s lips. “We’re a talented family.”
“Damn right, we are.” Brett leaned his elbows on the counter. “Are you still mad at me?”
Dean immediately returned to being the little brother who had the greatest big brother in the world. “I was never mad at you. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. It’s not anger, though.”