I began to sing our latest release and the audience held up candles like they were in worship to us, which they kind of were, because to them we were gods. Rock gods.
When my body hits the bed, I feel like I can feel you.
Like you're here with me, when you're only in my dreams.
Feel your hands on me
Trailing down my skin
Feel your touch on me
Feeling you within
But it can't be the truth
It must be your sweet lies
As I wake alone
And face up to the skies
Hoping and praying
That on this, another day,
You'll be here with me.
And this time… you'll stay.
We wrote the songs between us, but this one was one of mine. It had been written after a night of self pity and two bottles of scotch but had proven to be a massive hit.
The first time Noah's wife Stacey had heard it, she'd asked me if I'd wanted to talk, but I'd just said 'What about?' She'd called me a fucktard, and then Noah had shaken his head and said, 'My day of reckoning couldn't come soon enough', whatever that meant.
As the song came to a close, the fans roared their approval and I basked in the atmosphere. It was possibly the only time I felt any peace.
Returning to my hotel room after an hour greeting fans in the dressing room, I found Aaron sat on the chair in my room.
"Please tell me you're here because you've trained as a masseuse and you want to give me a back rub?"
"If I trained as a masseuse my back rubs would be only for my wife."
"Or she'd replace your sphincter. Yeah, I get it. So why are you here?"
"Abaddon has made a space in his diary for you this evening. Are you ready to go?"
"No, but do I have a choice?"
"Of course… not."
I stood up. "Come on then. Do the zappy thing."
Aaron drew enchantments in the air until a portal of fire opened and then he dragged us both through it.
And within the blink of an eye I was standing in Don's office.
"Take a seat, Zak." Abaddon smiled. As he did a large black beetle fell out of his mouth. He picked it up and crunched it clean in half, chewing one half and then the other. Green liquid ran down his lip.
"I really must stop rushing dinner and make sure I chew properly." He said before burping. "See, it's bad for my digestion."
He turned to Aaron. "Can you get me a wet wipe for my mouth and don't forget to check it's for sensitive skin."
"Yes, sir." Aaron left the room.
"Okay, Zak." Abaddon leaned forward and steepled his chin in his hands, elbows on his desk. "Now, let's talk about the fact that last month you were one soul less."
"It was the touring."
I leapt back as Abaddon turned into his natural, ulcer-festooned, red slug-like self for a moment and a stench of days old sweaty socks came forth while sparks flew out all around me. Then he returned to his Brendon Urie looking outer persona.
I looked at my clothes which were now covered in holes from burn marks as if I'd had two hundred cigarette butts through my outfit.
"Might start a new trend on the High Street." Don shrugged. "Anyway, we will not be making any excuses for you being one short, just as I couldn't make any excuses with the demon above me in the hierarchy. Do you know what my punishment was because of you, Zak?"
I trembled a little. "N- no."
"Astoroth cursed me to supermarket own brand tea bags for an entire day. No PG Tips. For twenty-four hours. My own brand of Hell."
I wanted a companion in the room, someone I could do a mind-link with that said, 'Is this guy for real?', but no such luck. Aaron still hadn't yet returned and we didn't have a mind-link anyway.
"And for that, you shall be punished. For the soul you failed to deliver you shall bring me nine more this month. Your target is now sixty-nine." He snorted.
"Sixty-nine? That's three or four a day." I gasped.
Abaddon looked at his watch. "Yes, and the first day of the month is almost over. If you fail me this month, Zak. I will trap you in a room with your captured soul and believe me while it calls back to your body it is very, very painful. I should dine on that pain."
"I'll do it. I'll do sixty-nine." I said, just as Aaron walked back in.
"Shall I leave again?" He put the wipes on the desk. "Now I see why you needed the wipes. I thought it was for the green gunk."
Don threw the packet at Aaron's head. "Get me a cup of tea, fool." He shouted and then he roared. "No don't, I can't take that shit. This is so not fairrrrr." His voice was so loud that the room vibrated, he went slug-like again and I ended up diving under the table.
When all returned to normal, Aaron bobbed down and offered me a hand. "Before he gets ideas about you being down there." He whispered.
Erica
From:
Date:1 June
Subject:
EXCLUSIVE – EXCLUSIVE – EXCLUSIVE – INTERVIEW WITH ZAK JONES!
From the ONLY OFFICIAL fan group of The Paranormals.
Our monthly exclusive with a band member.
Which rumours are true? What's the latest news? Read it here first!
Yeah, I know. You're all green with envy, right? I'm here with Zak Jones, our esteemed lead singer. Picture the scene, we're in his hotel suite. I'm sure it's the size of a small island. I'm on one end of a red couch and Zak is at the other, his legs tucked beneath him. He's ordered us coffee and pastries and now I have his full, undivided attention. So here we go...
Erica: Okay, firstly we'd like to know about the tour. Is it true that you're back in the studio after the London gigs, recording new songs and staying around the capital for a while?
Zak: Yes. We'll be back in the studio recording our next album. And I can exclusively reveal that the album will be called Foursome.
Erica: So is there anything in particular you're wanting to see up close and personal in London, given you've been away for months?
Zak: Yeah, British chicks. *laughs* Only joking. We're looking forward to catching up with family and friends.
Erica: Okay, onto the gossip next. Is it true what was reported in the press, that you had an orgy? Just you and ten women?
Zak: Well, I wouldn't like to boast but... they were all underwear models. How was I supposed to choose?
Erica: *Rolls eyes*
Zak: I saw that.
Erica: So leading on from that, you won an award in Girl Power magazine as the most 'Sex-dreamed about male'. How does that feel, knowing that women all around the world are dreaming about doing naughty things to you?
Zak: Oh it fills me right up. Makes me feel energised to hear that.
Erica: I heard Rex bought a house with woodland because there are rumours he owns a wolf? Do you own anything outrageous? Things that us regular people can't afford?
Zak: I buy the usual: fast cars and designer clothes. Haven't found a place to call home yet.