"Why do you feel the need to keep warning me about that?"
"Because I don't expect you to continue seeing me," he said. "I think once all this sets in, you're gonna want to reconsider, and I won't blame you for it."
"Yeah, but what if I don't?" I asked. "Do I get to be with you? If I can handle who you are, and what you did, and who you really are inside, do I get to be with you?"
Billy smiled a little and let out a breath, and I stretched up, kissing his cheek. I did it three or four times slowly, tasting the salt of his tears.
"Do I?" I asked before kissing him again.
"Yes, Tess. Of course."
"Of course, what?" I asked, feeling dazed by the taste and feel of him.
"Of course, you can be with me. I don't know why you'd want to after knowing what I—"
I kissed his mouth to stop him from talking. "Please don't ever say that again," I said. "Don't say you don't know why I would want to be with you. I can think of a thousand reasons why I want to, Billy. I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through. I'm not mad, or scared, or judgmental of you. I'm sorry." I kissed the corner of his perfect mouth. "I want to help you heal from all that and move on."
My words must have been too much for Billy because he squinted and rubbed his eyes with his hand, being too manly to cry. I curled up next to him, cuddling against his chest.
"I don't care if you can't make me any promises," I said. "I just want to be next to you right now."
"I want to be next to you right now, too," he said thoughtfully.
I picked up my head and looked at him. He had a few small scars on his face from different things that had happened over the years. He had more on other parts of his body, but I had only seen him without a shirt on a few times, and I hadn't checked out his scars. It was bright enough in the living room that I could clearly see the ones on his face. I appreciated them in a new way now that I knew about his background.
I was raised in a small town by strict parents. It wasn't very common for me to sit across a man's lap like I was doing right then. Billy and I didn't usually get this comfortable with each other, either. But today was different. There was a certain level of intimacy to the things we discussed, and sitting across his lap was the minimum of what I felt like doing right then.
Having that thought caused me to experience a wave of desire. I wanted to kiss him so badly that for a few heart-pounding seconds, it was hard to concentrate on anything else.
"You keep staring at me," Billy said.
He had been saying something else, but I tuned in when he accused me of staring.
"Yes, I'm staring at you," I said. "Sorry. I finished that painting last night, but I might have missed something on your face." I reached out and touched the space near the edge of his mouth. "I need a shadow right there." The truth was that I was thinking more about kissing Billy than shadows and paintings. It was basically an excuse. I had been blatantly staring at his mouth, and I wasn't sure if he wanted to kiss me right then, so I had to make something up.
"You're studying me pretty hard," he said. I saw his lips move when he spoke because I was, well, still staring at his mouth. He grinned, and I just kept right on staring. How was I supposed to look away when his mouth looked like that?
"I'll protect you," I said, staring dazedly at him.
"I'll protect you, too, Tess. I'll never hurt you."
"I know you won't," I said. "I feel safe with you."
"I hope you do," Billy said.
I put my arms around him, hugging him again. "How are you feeling?" I asked. "After the workout."
"What workout?" Billy said.
I smiled and lifted my head to look at him.
"Tess."
"Yeah?"
"I wanted to hit that guy last night."
I laughed because I didn't expect him to say that. "That's my sister's friend. He likes the other girl that was with us. Evelyn. He was showing off for her. He did that coin behind the ear trick on me to impress her."
"Oh, poor guy," Billy said.
"I know. Next time you see me at the drive-in, just turn around and come pick me up."
"I will," he said.
"Good," I returned. "I dare you."
"You don't have to dare me," he said. "I'll do it without a dare. I'll pull a U-ey in the middle of Seawall Boulevard and peel out on my way into the drive-in. I'll cause a big scene."
"No, you wouldn't," I said.
"I’m not going to if I don't have to. As long as other guys keep their hands off my girl, I won't have to peel out or punch people or anything like that."
I laughed a little. "Are you jealous over me?"
"Do I have any reason to be?" he asked.
"No."
"Then, no, I'm not." He scanned my face. "But nobody better ever touch you, or talk to you, or look at you."
I smiled since I knew he was kidding around, and he used a finger under my chin to tilt my face up. I took that finger to the chin move as permission. I leaned upward and kissed him gently.
Billy opened his mouth to me instantly. We kissed for a second or two before he readjusted on the couch, sitting up so that he could use his hands to touch the sides of my face. He wrapped one hand around the back of my head and pulled me in, kissing me deeper. I gripped the fabric of his shirt, balling my hands into fists.
Billy tilted his face to the side and the next thing I knew, his tongue was making a gentle intrusion into my mouth. I welcomed it, opening, taking him in, pulling him closer. I was the one who drove the kiss, deepened the kiss. Billy was trying to be gentle like he always was. He was trying to be a gentleman. And that was usually all fine, but today we had grown closer.
As odd as it sounded, on a day when I had learned about Billy's past, today was the first day I could see my forever with Billy. I kissed him accordingly. I invited him to kiss me deeply, and he responded, covering me with a scorching, branding kiss. He gave me a possessive, hot, silky, liquid kiss, and I welcomed it. I gripped Billy tightly, begging him to maintain the smooth, rhythmic motion.
Billy gave me that earth-shatteringly deep kiss for several minutes before pulling back. Both of us were breathing heavy when he broke contact. His mouth came down on mine again—two, three, four times—hard kisses. I was out-of-it and breathing heavy when he finished administering those branding kisses.
"I love you," I said.
I touched the side of his face, letting my thumb brush the edge of his mouth to keep him from talking.
"You don't need to say it back," I said. "I don't want you to yet, actually. I know you didn't expect me to say it. But I wanted you to know that. I do love you, Billy. I know I do."
Chapter 13
Billy
Another two weeks later
Billy was standing next to a window in Tess and Abigail's living room, looking down over the alley. With the way he was facing, he could see a little piece of 23rd Avenue, and he absentmindedly watched an old man walking down the sidewalk with a cane.