13
Foster
The urge to message Stellan as soon as I woke had been strong, and I had to talk myself out of it numerous times as I lay in bed before finally getting up. I didn’t want to come across as eager or risk waking him up if he was still sleeping. Plus, I needed to think some things over before reaching out.
I took a shower, made myself something to eat, then forced myself to watch mind-numbing TV and gather my dirty clothes to take to the Laundromat. My apartment complex had an on-site laundry facility, but most of them didn’t work and the ones that did were always in use. I preferred the Laundromat, anyway, since I could use multiple machines and get it done all at once.
While I waited for my clothes to finish, I played games on my phone, scrolled the Internet, and tried to watch the game show on the TV that hung in the corner. Anything but text Stellan. I really wanted to, but I had to make sure I had zero regrets. It was one thing to be adamant I wouldn’t have them when I was high on lust and intoxicating kisses, but it was different when my mind was clear.
Being with him would change everything I thought I knew about myself. And while I was someone who didn’t care for labels, I still had no idea what being into him meant. Was I bisexual? I tried to rack my brain, thinking of any time I was into a man, and I couldn’t think of one. Only Stellan brought out those emotions in me.
But as I sat there, pondering everything that was going on, I knew that wasn’t exactly true. Stellan wasn’t the first man who made me confused, but he was definitely the first one I wanted to go all the way with.
Even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself at the time, the feelings I had for a guy named Lonnie were more than just friendly. I noticed way too much about him: the way the sunlight glinted off his blond hair, the way his eyes lit up with excitement, and how the happy he made me feel. I’d definitely had a crush on him, but I never acted on them. I chalked my confusion up to typical teenage hormones and tried to forget all about my confusion. Lonnie had only been a good friend during those school years, and he was one of the guys I’d lost contact with once we graduated. And aside from him, I’d never felt that way about another man, until I met Stellan.
I knew I could’ve messaged my friend, Liam, to ask him how he knew he was gay, but I wasn’t ready to answer the barrage of questions that’d come along with that conversation. Not until I knew exactly what it was that Stellan and I were doing. And while I sat there in the Laundromat while those thoughts ran rampant in my brain, the regret of kissing Stellan never came. In fact, the longer I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it again. And other things…
My body shivered involuntarily at the reminder of what it felt like to have his hands on me, and I was anxious for my clothes to finish so I could get them home before I embarrassed myself at the Laundromat. Rather than thinking about Stellan and what he tasted like or how strong his hands were, I looked up weather reports to calm my overactive libido.
After getting my laundry home and put away, I decided enough time had passed. I’d given the regret an adequate amount of time to make its presence known. Rather than showing, it stayed far, far away, as if I’d doused myself in some sort of regret repellant. I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent him the text, hoping he wasn’t the one who’d changed his mind. Once the invitation came across my screen, I raced around changing into nicer clothing and making sure my hair wasn’t a mess. Then I nearly broke all street laws to speed to his house and was greeted by warm lips and a seeking tongue.
Thank God, he still wanted this, too.
“What do you like on your pizza?” Stellan asked after I brazenly stroked my hand up his thigh.
“Pepperoni,” I told him, brushing my finger against his cock again.
“Anything else?” he rasped.
“Sausage.”
I tried to keep my tone suggestive but was worried I was coming across like an idiot. Seduction and flirting didn’t come easily to me. Jennifer, and even other relationships, were the ones to initiate anything with me, so I learned to take my cues from them. Stellan was harder to read, so I wasn’t sure what was okay and what wasn’t.
He shifted in his seat, the movement causing my entire hand to graze the bulge in his pants, and the low moan I released mingled with his.
“You like meat, huh?” he asked hoarsely.
Something told me he wasn’t talking about pepperoni or sausage. “I’m starting to become a big fan of it,” I told him and allowed my fingers to linger against his bulge.
My hand was still shaky, and I was nervous as all get-out since I had no clue what I was doing, but I was trying, dammit. Because the more I thought about it, and the longer my hand lingered near his cock, the more I wanted it.
But Stellan had stiffened beside me, and I looked down to see the tent in his pants had deflated.
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked, snatching my hand back and balling it in a fist before resting it on my lap.
Stellan shook his head and sat up, resting his forearms on his thighs. “No, not at all. It’s just, the way you said you’re ‘starting to’ reminded me that I need to slow things way down.”
Damn me and my big mouth. “What if I don’t want you to go slow?”
“You say that now because this is all new and thrilling for you. But the speed is just as much for me as it is for you. I don’t want you to have regrets, but I don’t want to have them either,” he explained with a gentle smile
“What regrets would you have?”
With a shrug, he turned his head and looked straight ahead. “Doing something to hurt you. Pushing you too far when you’re not ready.”
I nodded, understanding what he meant. Deciding to change the subject to something that was neutral and safe, I said, “I also like extra cheese.”
His shoulders sagged, and when he looked at me, I could see the relief on his face. I couldn’t help but wonder if someone had burned him in the past over a similar situation, but I didn’t want to pry.
“Want to do a meat-lovers with extra cheese?” Stellan suggested.
“That sounds perfect.”
Stellan grabbed his phone and placed an order, asking me what side I’d like with it. We agreed on cheese sticks, both of us shying away from anything too garlicky, and I couldn’t help but hope that meant there’d be more kissing later. Then while we waited for the pizza to arrive, we went through the movie selections on Netflix before deciding on something we both liked.
“Want anything to drink?” Stellan asked.
“Soda or water would be fine.”
Stellan chuckled. “I have both, which would you prefer?”
“Soda.”
I watched as he walked to the kitchen, my eyes taking in his broad shoulders, long torso, and the way his jeans molded to his perfectly sculpted ass.
“I can feel you looking at my ass,” he shot out before looking at over his shoulder with a smirk on his face. “Busted.”
I shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to hide it. I’m just someone who appreciates art when I see it.”
“Are you calling me a work of art?”
“Well, your body is definitely a canvas.”