27
Foster
I wasn’t sure how I made it home in one piece since I barely remembered the drive there. My body was acting on autopilot, relying on muscle memory to stop and go, and my vision was blurry thanks to the tears that poured from my eyes.
But finally, I was back in my crummy apartment, too devastated to be excited that my time left there was short-lived. And fresh tears streaked down my face when I remembered that I didn’t get to tell Stellan my good news. We were supposed to be celebrating right now, not fighting. And after everything that was said, were we even together anymore? Or were we done for good?
My phone rang, jolting me from my misery. I snatched it up thinking maybe it was Stellan calling me so we could talk things out, and hope swelled inside my belly. But when I saw the name on the display, that hope was shattered and my misery increased tenfold. The phone continued to ring as I debated whether to answer or send it to voice mail, I figured I might as well see what she wanted and then cursed myself for being a glutton for punishment as I answered the call.
“Hi, Jennifer.”
“Foster? Is this a bad time?”
I wanted to scoff at her question. Was there ever a good time to talk to your ex? Especially when we had a breakup as bad as ours? No. And I’m sure my voice sounded thick with tears. My tone was most definitely off.
“What did you want?” I asked instead of answering her.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“Are you? Because you forget, I spent a lot of years with you, so I know you, Foster. And you don’t sound fine.”
That was it. When we had parted ways, I had kept my mouth shut and just took everything she dished out. When she screamed, cried, and finally tried to break me with her lethal words, I didn’t retaliate. But between what had happened with Stellan and her acting as if she cared about my well-being, I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“Just because we were together for a long time doesn’t mean you know a damn thing about me,” I snapped. “So why don’t you cut the bullshit and tell me the real reason you’re calling?”
“There’s no need to be cruel, Foster. It’s been a while, and after the way things ended, I wanted to reach out to you.”
“Where’s your boyfriend?”
She hesitated. “He… I… It didn’t work out.”
“I see. So since it didn’t work out with you two, you thought we could patch things up, is that it?”
“When you put it that way it sounds terrible and heartless. Like I’m treating you as a rebound.”
“Because you are.”
“I made a mistake, Foster. I realize that now. Yes, we have a lot to work through, but I think it’s worth it to try, don’t you?”
I snorted rudely. “No. I don’t think that at all. There is nothing we have to work through at all, and you said all that needed to be said when we parted ways. What more is there?”
“I think there is plenty that still needs to be said. Our emotions were high the last time we saw each other. Maybe we can plan a weekend where you come here, and we could sit down and discuss things.”
“That’s not going to happen, Jennifer. I’m settled here. I have a job I love. An apartment that’s perfect for me. I’m… I’m happy.” Aside from the fight with Stellan, I really was.
Jennifer laughed. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that? I know you, Foster.”
“Did you know I like dick?” I asked bluntly.
Her gasp was loud in my ear. “What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Yup. I like dick. I’ve been dating a man for a while now. He’s a musician in a jazz band.”
“You’re joking, Foster. You’ve never been into men before, so do you honestly expect me to believe that you are now?”
“It’s true, Jennifer.”
“What about your parents? What do you think they’ll say when you tell them?”
I could just imagine her getting off the phone to speed-dial my mother and inform her of this. Knowing what I did about her, I wouldn’t put it past Jennifer to out me before I had the chance to discuss it with them first.
“They already know, Jennifer. My mother only wants me happy, and they can’t wait to meet him at Sunday dinner.” She blustered into the phone, but I was too busy talking to hear any of her coherent sounds or words. “We’re over, Jennifer. And this feeble attempt at reconciling was a waste of time. Have a nice life, and please don’t bother to contact me again.”
I disconnected the call while she was still sputtering into the phone and dropped it on the couch beside me. I blew out a slow breath as I tried to calm the adrenaline that flowed through my body. Since my mother was off the table, I knew she was about to burn up the phone lines with texts and calls to her friends. But I didn’t care. They were hers and only acquaintances to me through association. Their opinions of me didn’t matter.
I was still reeling over the chaos the evening had become when a knock sounded on my door. My body was instantly on alert as it sensed who was on the other side. There could only be on person behind that persistent knock, and while part of me wanted to sit there until he left, a bigger—stronger—part wouldn’t allow it.
With a sigh, I heaved myself off the couch and walked the few steps toward the door. I licked my suddenly dry lips. Smoothed my palms down my thighs to wipe off the sweat. My hand shook as I reached out to flick the locks, and then I grasped the knob tightly in my grasp. With another deep breath, I exhaled as I twisted the knob in my hand and flung the door open. Then, I was face-to-face with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen, and I was positive they reflected my own.
Well, this was awkward. Stellan and I were both seated on my couch, but we were facing forward, our bodies not angled toward each other’s. The space between us might as well had been the size of the Grand Canyon, and not just the center couch cushion. And we hadn’t said a word since I’d opened the door. But if I were being honest, I wasn’t sure what to even say to him. Luckily, Stellan took the initiative.
“I fucked up,” he said gruffly, breaking the silence between us.
I finally turned my head to look at him, but his gaze was glued to the television. Was he seeing the argument play out on the blank screen? Was he remembering the harsh things he said to me? Or was he grappling with how to explain why he’d behaved the way he did?
“Yes, you did." This was not a time to mince words. He had hurt me…deeply. And he needed to know.
I watched the rise and fall of his shoulders as he clenched his tattoo-covered hands together. Then he slowly turned to face me. The look in his eyes, the torment and pain, rocked me to the core. But I couldn’t cave by closing the space between us to take him into my arms and offer him instant forgiveness. I deserved an explanation.
“I treated you like shit, and I know I need to tell you everything, but I don’t even know where to start.”
I smiled softly at him. “The beginning is usually the best place.”
Stellan pursed his lips together and nodded. “I figured you’d say that.” After blowing out another breath, he unhooked his hands long enough to run one through his hair. “Matthias and I met about five years ago. I was at the tattoo parlor to get work on my back piece, and while I was waiting, he came in to see his cousin, who was the piercer. Since his cousin was busy with a client, Matthias sat beside me and we struck up a conversation.”