“And hit it off?” I presumed.
Stellan nodded. “We didn’t exchange numbers that day, but over the course of a few months, we kept running into each other at the tattoo shop. Finally, he asked for my number, and we made plans to see each other that night.”
“So what happened?”
“Matthias came from a very prominent family and had a trust that funded everything he could ever want or need. If we wanted to steal away for a week to the Bahamas? It wasn’t an issue. If he wanted to trade in his two-year-old car for a newer model? Not a problem. But because of his family’s status, and the fact he was their only child, he had a reputation to uphold. Plus, there was the fact he’d never been with a man before…”
“Oh.”
Stellan nodded. “Yeah. We dated in secret for over a year. But at the same time, his mother was basically planning his wedding to someone else. His father’s business partner had a daughter, and the families believed a marriage between the two of them would be profitable and a way to protect the company.”
“And he was going along with it while dating you?”
Another nod. “Yup. And I was too caught up in him and the excitement of being swept away to realize how wrong our relationship was.”
“You fell for him.”
I hated saying those words out loud, and I had no right to be jealous, because at one point I’d fallen for Jennifer. But the thought of Stellan giving his heart to someone else, while I wanted it for myself, filled me with rage. Add in the part that this Matthias person hurt him, and I wanted to hunt the man down and break every bone in his body.
“I did. I fell so hard and fast that I was willing to turn a blind-eye to the fact I was his secret. He never brought me around his family or friends, never wanted to meet any of mine, and he always came to my place. Over the span of that year I never even saw the inside of his house, but I didn’t care because we were together.”
“So what happened?”
“He got engaged.”
“And he broke things off with you?” I guessed.
Stellan shook his head. “Not initially. He didn’t even have the guts to tell me about it himself. I was at the shop to get a tattoo touched up, and his cousin was standing at the counter reading the paper. When I asked him how he was doing, he slapped the paper on the counter and showed me an announcement.”
“Don’t tell me…”
“Yup. It was Matthias and that woman, arms wrapped tightly around each other with big smiles on their faces and an even bigger diamond ring on her finger. Their wedding date was to be four months later. And all I could do was stand there like an idiot as his cousin babbled on about how excited he was to be the best man, while my world felt like it was falling apart.”
“That’s terrible.”
“I left the shop, making some excuse that I wasn’t feeling well, and then sent Matthias a text saying that I knew and that we were finished. He showed up to my place a few hours later asking me to please understand that it was to make his family happy.”
“He didn’t apologize?”
“Not once. He just wanted me to see reason. He’d never been with a man before and got as caught up in the relationship as I had, but he knew he was meant to be with her. It was something both sets of parents had planned for years, and that our relationship couldn’t last forever, even if he wanted it to.”
“If he wanted to? It sounds like he didn’t…”
Stellan got off the couch and walked a few steps away. His back was to me with his right hand on his hip while his other gripped the back of his neck. “He explained to me I was an itch he was trying to scratch. He hadn’t expected it to go on as long as it did, but he’d enjoyed our time together. His curiosity had been satisfied, and he was confident that his marriage to her would be stronger since he’d fucked me out of his system.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I snapped.
Stellan turned to face me. “I wish I was. As you can guess, I was crushed, since I realized I was in a relationship with him while he wasn’t really in one with me.”
“Do you really think it was that way, though?” I asked; my masochistic side playing Devil’s advocate. “I can’t imagine him being with you for a year if he wasn’t as invested as you were.”
Stellan shrugged and scrubbed his hand down his face. “Maybe, but either way, I felt like a dumbass. Not only did I feel like an idiot, but he also cheated on both me and her, and neither one of us deserved that. His parting words to me were, ‘It was fun, but it’s over.’ He left without giving me a chance to say anything, and that was the last time I’d seen him until tonight.”
“Let me guess—he was trying to get back with you.”
“Pretty much. Evidently his marriage didn’t work out as he’d expected, and he thought it was the perfect time to rekindle what we had.”
“I see,” I said tersely. “Sounds like the night for annoying exes.”
“What do you mean?”
I rolled my eyes and briefly explained my call from Jennifer. “But I let her know about you and that there was no chance of ever getting back with her.”
Stellan’s jaw clenched as he gritted his teeth before he spoke again. “Now maybe you can see why I lashed out. Not that it’s an excuse or justification for my actions. But seeing him was a slap-in-the-face reminder of how scared I was that history might repeat itself. You’d never been with a man before, and I piqued your curiosity, much like I did his. What if…what if you got your fill of me and decided to move on? Or wanted to take Jennifer up on her offer? What he did to me hurt, but losing you would break me, Foster.”
I rose from the couch and closed the distance between us. I wrapped an arm around his waist while cupping his cheek with my free and pulled him close to me.
“There are so many differences between our relationships, Stellan. I want everything with you. I want you to go to dinner to meet my parents and face the awkward inquisition from my father and witness my embarrassment as my mom tells you stories of me as a child. I want us to go on dates, hold hands in public, and kiss on street corners for everyone to see. What started out as intrigue has morphed into so much more. My curiosity was settled long ago, and I am still here. Your time with Matthias doesn’t hold a candle to our relationship, because what we have is real. And yes, you hurt me earlier, but I’m not going anywhere because of a fight. I’m in this for the long haul, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m so sorry for hurting you. So fucking sorry. Can you please forgive me for being such a dumbass?”
I brushed my thumb over his cheek. “I already have.”
Stellan closed his eyes and breathed deeply. When he opened them again, my breath caught in my throat at the raw expression in his eyes. “Did you mean what you said earlier?”
“I meant all of it, but which part are you referring to?”
I had a feeling I already knew, but I needed him to ask. “That you were falling for me.”
I gave him a tentative smile. “If I am, will you be there to catch me?”
Stellan’s answer was to wrap his arms around me. “As long as you promise to do the same.”