"What is it?" Her figure turns blurry as I imagine the worst, again.
"He's not speaking. Not to me, not to Easton, not to the doctors. No one. He sits there silently as the doctors tell him he'll never walk again. In the beginning they even put him on a seventy-two hour hold in the psych ward. Easton got him out of there before he could get placed there permanently. He's back to his hospital room, but Cara, he's not well."
I think of Jackson, and how much our relationship has evolved over the last year. Since the moment we first slept together to every moment in between. It's been a rough ride for us, but each time we’ve been together has slowly brought us closer together. We made it official, but does he even want to be with me anymore?
I want to. I think about everything he's been through in life and how he's come out of his shell. With me. Not with anyone else, but slowly he's been able to talk to me about his past. He told me about his sister, something I'm sure he hasn't told anyone about. He trusted me with his darkest secrets, and I think it was then that I realized…
I love him.
Whether he's broken or not, I'll love him. We'll get through whatever it is, as long as we do it together.
I look up at Rose and nod. I'm not positive I'll be able to speak quite yet without bursting out a sob, but I'm hoping I keep myself together when I see Jackson. The last thing I'm sure he wants is for me to start sobbing over him. Shit, I think he'd kick my ass out of the hospital.
The nurse helps me into a wheelchair and pushes me out of the room. Rose trails beside me as she pushes the little guy. I look at him, watching him sleep. Is he ever awake? I haven't heard him cry once.
"How is he? Does he cry a lot? Is he a good baby?" I ask Rose.
She smiles at me. "He's perfect. He barely cries at all. And when he does, the nurse brings him a bottle and it quiets him down right away."
That reminds me. "Shouldn't I be like, breastfeeding or something?"
Her eyes widen. "I mean, sure. We had no option, but I'm sure the nurses would be able to help you out if it's something you wanted to do." Rose looks behind me at the nurse, and I crank my head to look at her.
"We'll talk about your options once we get back to your room." She pats me on the shoulder, and I give her a nod.
"I don't even have a name for him yet." I look back at him, feeling like I'm already half failing because I don't know what I want to call my baby.
We stop at the elevator, and Rose pushes the button to go down. "Hmm. How about Ezra?"
"From Supernatural? No."
"Gavin?"
I wrinkle my nose. "Does he look like a Gavin to you? Hard pass." Rose deflates at my answer.
"I think the name Liam is cute." She perks up.
I look at the little white cheeks tinged with pink and try to imagine calling him Liam. This time, I'm the one that deflates. "He's not a Liam. It is a cute name, though. You should name your kid Liam."
Rose shakes her head. "I've already talked about kids with Easton. He's all growly when I bring up any names. He's bringing up all these outrageous manly names. He's going to want something like Steele, or fucking Bone Crusher or something. Just watch."
I snort. "He so will. You can't let him, though. Your kid will be made fun of for the rest of his life."
We hop in the elevator and the nurses presses the floor below ours.
"I won't. I'll tell him it's the name he wants and put another name on the birth certificate if I have to. He's not going to ruin my kid's life over a damn name."
I hear the nurse chuckle behind me. If she's been working recently, I'm sure she's seen the not so friendly Easton with Rose a time or two.
When the elevator dings, a lightbulb pops up into my head. "I know it."
Rose's forehead wrinkles. "You know what?"
"The name. The name of my baby." I glance at him, repeating the name in my head and feeling like it's the perfect name.
I never had the chance to talk to Jackson about baby names, and it makes me feel like a complete bitch. He would have done anything to get me to open up about the baby, but I shut him down time and time again. I really am the worst person. I wish I would have done things differently. I just hope he can forgive me for being such a bitch.
"Well? What is it?" The door opens, and the three of us just stand around the baby. The nurse and Rose look at me with anticipation glowing in their eyes.
"Wesley. Wesley Logan Shaw." The nurse gets a soft look on her face and Rose's hand slaps over her mouth.
Having Logan as a first name would be too painful. Being my first love, being Jackson’s best friend, it would be too much. But I think he needs to be there—somewhere—with us. Who knows, if Logan never existed, Jackson and I may have never gotten together.
"Wesley." She whispers, looking down at him with tears in her eyes. "Wesley Logan. So perfect, Cara. Absolutely perfect."
"Do you think Jackson would like it? I feel bad, and I kind of want him to be a part of everything."
"I think he will love it and think it's the perfect choice." Even though her words sound certain, the flicker of doubt in her gaze doesn't go unnoticed.
The door starts to shut, and the nurse snaps out of her gaze and reaches forward to stop it from closing on us.
Quietly, we push forward through the hallway filled with carts and nurses bustling back and forth. The ever-present squeak of shoes on the floor and occasional beep from monitors in nearby rooms are the only noises I'm choosing to focus on. Anything else and I'm afraid I'll start panicking again.
I'm worried for what will be beyond that door where Jackson lay. I'm afraid he'll shut me out. Will he be able to recognize his son? The moment I caught the dark hair, that feeling in my gut that I've had since the beginning rang true. This baby is Jackson's. It has to be.
Will Jackson finally believe it to be true, too?
See, when Logan passed away, Jackson and I ended up sleeping together, like, at Logan’s funeral. It was a mistake, something we did in the midst of our grief. But when once turned into twice, then three times… it wasn’t much of a mistake anymore.
I always knew the baby was Jackson’s, but when he asked about it, he put a niggling doubt in the back of my head. When you know, you know. But sleeping with someone so close to sleeping with someone else can always raise a hair of fear, even if its only a little bit.
"Here we are. Room 201." The nurse chimes behind me.
The door is cracked open and the lights are off inside of the room, at least from what I can see. Rose walks up to the door and knocks softly. "Knock, knock. Jackson, it's me, Rose. I have some visitors." She pushes the door open slowly and inside is a curtain covering his room. She starts walking forward and pulls it aside, Wesley in the cart right beside her. "Look who came to see you."
The nurse pushes me forward, and Jackson comes into view. I swallow down my gasp and sob at what I see. Jackson, barely conscious, hooked up to about as many wires and machines I think a person can be hooked up to. His bed is slightly elevated, and his body lay limp on the bed.
He follows me with his eyes, but the rest of him doesn't move a muscle.