Fuck. Me.
Hearing her say that made me practically cream my pants. I’d never been more turned on by a conversation in my life. It felt like my hormones were raging worse than a teenage boy on Viagra. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to make her come. Right here and now.
“Have I stunned you into silence?” she asked.
God knows how many seconds went by. But I knew the reason I kept my mouth shut: the words begging to be said were dangerous. If I spoke, they were going to come out.
As the seconds wore on, the need to say them became unbearable.
My voice was barely audible. “I could give you an orgasm…if you want.”
She turned to me suddenly. “What?”
Clearing my throat, I said, “I could make you come. We wouldn’t have sex, but I can give you a damn good orgasm.”
It was like I’d lost my damn mind.
She moved back a little. “I’m not some charity case, Deacon.”
Shit. She’d taken it the wrong way.
“No. I didn’t mean to imply that this was about charity. It’s not. Let me rephrase.” I took a deep breath and exhaled. “I would love to give you an orgasm.”
Carys stared at me in disbelief. “That’s not why I told you about my issue—so you would offer to get me off. I was just venting. I—”
“I know. I know you weren’t expecting me to say what I just did. Honestly, I can hardly believe it myself. But all I could think when you told me you wanted an orgasm is that I…really want to give it to you.”
You could cut the tension with a knife as she just continued to stare at me. My heart pounded, hoping I hadn’t made a huge mistake, one that would cost us our friendship.
She blinked several times. “I appreciate the offer. But I would feel weird saying yes. Because it would be one-sided if you gave me an orgasm, and we weren’t having sex.”
So, let’s fuck then, a voice inside my head suggested. Actually, that voice was likely coming from below the belt. As much as I wanted that, going there would be too dangerous. “You underestimate the enjoyment a man gets from pleasuring a woman.”
It was like someone had removed every shred of sense from me tonight. My words were completely bypassing my brain.
“I can’t let you do it.” Her face was beet red.
I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and it seemed I had. Now was the time to drop it.
“Okay. Fair enough. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”
She let out a long, shaky breath and closed her eyes. “No. You didn’t. It’s okay.”
I watched her as she stayed in that meditative state. I wondered what she was thinking, but I was too afraid to ask. It was better if I said nothing at this point. My mouth had already gotten me into enough trouble.
After a while, she turned to me. “Are we supposed to just go back to normal conversation right now?”
“We can try.” I forced a smile. “I’ll go first.” Clearing my throat, I asked, “So how was Sunny tonight when you put her to bed?”
“You asked me that earlier.”
“That’s true.” I scratched my chin. “Fuck. Okay. Did you see they’re raising the rent?
“Yeah. That sucks.”
“This isn’t working, is it?”
“No.” She laughed nervously. “Not in the least.”
CHAPTER 11
Carys
USE ME
Deacon and I ended up putting on a movie—some old Jason Bateman comedy on HBO—but I hadn’t heard a word of it. The vibe was completely awkward. He’d shocked me with his proposition.
His expression was stoic as he watched the movie alongside me. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, whether he was unaffected or disappointed by my refusal of his offer.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I wasn’t sure if that would ever change. Would I be able to think about anything else around him ever again?
But the bigger question was: why did I not entertain his suggestion? It wasn’t like I had any other gorgeous men knocking down my door. I trusted Deacon, and I knew he meant well in wanting to “help” me. His intention wasn’t to hurt me. He cared about me and wanted to offer me a safe way to get off without involving a stranger.
I spent the next several minutes making a case to change my mind as the movie played in the background.
My brain went in circles. How exactly did he plan to get me off? Was he going to use his mouth? Stop thinking about it. It would ruin your friendship. But oh my God. What would it be like? As uncomfortable as I was, I could feel myself getting wet at the thought of what might’ve been.
It was past midnight now. The movie was nearing the end. When I looked over at Deacon this time, I realized he hadn’t been staring at the screen. He was looking at me.
When he realized I’d caught him staring, he started to apologize. “I’m sorry if I fucked up, Carys. I—”
“I want it,” I blurted.
His jaw fell. “You want…what?”
My breathing was erratic. “You’re gonna make me say it?”
He straightened in his seat. “Yeah. I need to hear you say it.”
My words came out in a whisper. “I want you to make me come.”
His breath hitched. “You sure?”
I looked into his eyes so he knew I was serious. “Yes.”
His breathing grew heavier. Now I had no doubt he was turned on. It wasn’t just me.
“You have to promise me something,” he said, turning his whole body toward me.
“Okay,” I said shakily, my palms sweating, so nervous but wanting him more by the second.
“Don’t overthink it. Just lie back and relax. Don’t think about anything but enjoying it. And after you come, I’m gonna leave. No awkward talk. I’m gonna pleasure you, and that’s all there is to it. And when we see each other again, we don’t need to talk about it or analyze it. Promise me that first.”
Beyond the point of no return, I would have agreed to just about any terms now. “I promise.”
“Good. Because turning something that’s supposed to make you feel good into something that makes you anxious or worried is counterproductive.”
“I get what you’re saying.” Trying hard to reassure him, I nodded. “I’m good.”
Looking deeply into my eyes, he confirmed it one last time. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
After a long pause he finally said, “Let’s go to your room.”
He stood, reaching out his hand. With my heart pounding in my chest, I took hold of him as he led me into my dark bedroom. He didn’t turn on the lights, but there was enough light coming in through the window to see him.
Is this really happening?
My knees shook as I sat down on the bed, feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement, the muscles between my legs giving new meaning to the term eager beaver. I had no idea what Deacon was going to do to me; I just knew I was going to let him do it and that my body was incredibly excited, as nervous as I was.
Apparently my nerves were obvious.
He placed his hand on my legs to still them. “You okay?”