Adrian was right. He was damn right, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
I ended up taking the cowardly way out.
“Alright, well, I have a phone meeting with my supervisor. I just wanted to bring you your coffee and see how you’re doing.”
“Thanks.” She smiled, but it seemed fake.
Fuck.
I walked over to Sunny. “Be good for your mama.” She took the toy she was biting on out of her mouth and flashed me a wide grin. Not sure why, but that smile kind of hurt this time. Maybe because deep down, I knew I’d be seeing it a lot less. That is, if I could stick to doing what I needed to.
CHAPTER 13
Carys
HE WASN’T ALONE
I couldn’t believe I was thinking this, but I wished Deacon had never gone down on me. I wished I had never heard him groaning against me. I wished he’d never given me the most amazing orgasm of my life. I wished I could erase that night altogether, because nothing had been the same since.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew he’d been keeping his distance since my birthday. It had been a week now, and it was clearer by the day that we’d ruined a perfectly good friendship. What bothered me the most was the sense of false hope I’d had after that night—that somehow Deacon would decide he wanted to be more than friends. Instead, I hadn’t seen or heard from him in days. Normally he would’ve stopped by with another coffee by now, but he had chosen to distance himself. Not sure I could blame him. The last time he was here, things were awkward. And I hated that. Things had never been that way before—sexually tense, maybe, but never awkward.
Poor Sunny.
As I sat ruminating about Deacon, I’d been feeding her mindlessly, causing some of the rice cereal to dribble down her chin.
“I’m sorry, baby girl. Mommy’s mind is somewhere else today.”
Thankfully, Sunny simply opened her mouth wider for the next bite. Didn’t take much to please her.
After Sunny’s early-intervention therapist came for her visit that morning, I decided we needed to get out of the house. I found a “Mommy and Me” class with drop-in availability in the afternoon, so I packed up a diaper bag and took my daughter out for a change of scenery.
For an hour, I did yoga poses while holding Sunny, and she seemed to love it. I also got to talk to other moms, one of whom was single like me. It felt damn good to get out, and I vowed to do it more often. The only times I usually left the house were to go to the office or for some quick food shopping. That needed to change.
After the session, I took Sunny to the neighborhood Starbucks. After wiping down the highchair, I fed her bananas while I sipped my latte. It had started to rain, so I was thankful we’d made it close to home before the weather got bad.
It had been such a relaxing day. But that all ended when Deacon walked into the café. Raindrops covered the front window, so I’d had not even a few seconds’ warning before he entered. My heart beat faster as I watched him. The worst part? He wasn’t alone.
I recognized the girl with him—Kendra, the redhead he’d taken back to his apartment at least once before.
Why did this have to happen? Both times I’d come here recently I’d run into him. Maybe a part of me hoped to run into him. But certainly no part of me had hoped to run into him with her.
When our eyes locked, I swallowed the tension in my throat.
He had no choice but to come up to us, but I wished we could’ve bypassed this uncomfortable run-in altogether. I wished we were invisible.
“Hey, Carys,” he said stiffly.
“Hi.” I could barely look at him. Instead, I looked at her. “Nice to see you again,” I lied. It was pretty sad that looking at her was easier than looking at him.
“You, too,” she said.
He placed his hand on Sunny’s head. “Hey, Sunny Side Up.”
It broke my heart a little to see her face light up. That’s how I used to feel when I saw him, too. Sunny flailed her arms and legs in her highchair.
“How long have you guys been here?” he asked.
“Not long.”
My answer was curt, and I still didn’t look him in the eyes. I couldn’t help it. Seeing him with Kendra hurt, and I wasn’t in the mood for small talk.
He likely sensed my disdain. “Well, I’ll let you two be,” he said. “Enjoy.”
“Yep,” I said, still not making eye contact.
I knew he hadn’t brought her around to hurt me, but it stung. He was spending time with her instead of me.
I tortured myself by sneaking glances in their direction as they waited in line. When he took out his wallet to pay, my eyes zoned in on his big, strong hands. Hands that had touched me so intimately, hands that had made me feel things I’d never felt before. Hands that would be touching her later.
The milk turned in my stomach as jealousy burned through me.
* * *
That evening, just when I’d thought my day couldn’t get any worse, the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and realized it was Charles—Sunny’s father.
Why is he calling? “Hello?”
“Carys…”
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to congratulate you on City Ballet winning the donation from Neil Spectra.”
“Thank you. You didn’t need to do that.”
“I also wanted to see how you’re doing, in general.”
Is he serious? “Why? You never normally care.”
He sighed. “I know things have been rough between us for some time. That’s something I deeply regret.”
I looked over at Sunny, who was peacefully swinging and oblivious to the fact that her “father” was pulling some shit right now.
I got a little choked up. “You should regret not acknowledging your daughter, aside from throwing money our way from time to time. That’s what you should regret.”
“I know. And I do regret that. I really do.”
“Well, it’s too late. You had your chance.”
He paused. “I messed up royally.”
“What’s the real reason for this call, Charles?”
After a short delay, he finally said, “I want to see her.”
“Why? Why now?”
“Because she’s my daughter.”
“Wait…you’re only now realizing this? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with her. You’re not even on the birth certificate, per your request.”
“I know. I was scared, Carys. At the time, Violet had threatened to take everything if I acknowledged Sunny. She didn’t want Talia and Xavier to know. Still doesn’t. I handled everything wrong. I shouldn’t have given in to her.”
“Why are you realizing this now?”
“Things have been bad at home. It’s become clear to me that I threw away everything with you for nothing. Not only did I make a mistake abandoning Sunny, but you, too. I really did love you, Carys. I don’t know what I was thinking going back to that woman when I had you. I was trying to save my family.”
The nerve of him. “Oh, I see. You save one family by throwing the other one away. That makes perfect sense.” Is he seriously expecting me to be receptive to this bullshit? He was more than a little too late.