I swallowed as I realized he was intending to stay. But he wasn’t back for me and Maya. He hadn’t even asked about her. Did he forget that I wrote and told him I was pregnant? Did he think my claim that I was pregnant was a fake ploy to bring him home as August said he would? At the time, I was sure Jude would believe me, but eventually I came to think that August was right. Either he thought I was lying to bring him home, or he didn’t care. Once Jude got out, he never looked back.
My conscience told me that even though he’s walked away from us, he needed to know about Maya. At the same time, the petty part of me said that I had told him about the baby and he’d ignored it. That had been his answer. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to be a father. There was no reason for me to bring her up now.
“I hope your business is successful. Shall we go back in and I’ll take your order?” If I was lucky, this would be the last I’d see of him. Bismarck was big enough that I could avoid him especially if I stopped covering shifts here.
He held the door open for me and we went back inside.
“April, this is Cyrus Blake. Cy, this is the sister of an old friend of mine.”
I flinched slightly that he was referring to me as August’s friend and not a former girlfriend. It put everything in perspective. For the last eight years, I’d always wondered if all those promises he made were real. Now I knew they weren’t. To him, I was August’s sister. I wondered if he even remembered that he and I had a fling one summer.
A part of me wished I could go back and be smarter about the day I seduced Jude. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it at all, but then I wouldn’t have Maya, and I couldn’t imagine that. So I had to forgive the young girl I’d been who believed in fairy tales and love when she asked Jude to take her virginity. I’d been so sure he’d respected me and wouldn’t hurt me. But I’d been wrong. On that August had been right too. No wonder he thought I couldn’t manage my own life.
That was then and this was now, I reminded myself. Maybe seeing Jude was the kick in the butt I needed to put my life right. I didn’t want Maya growing up with a mother who’d sacrificed her dreams. I wanted her to see a strong, powerful woman making her own way, not being bossed around by her older brother. We didn’t need August or Jude.
“Nice to meet you,” I said to Cyrus.
“You too.”
“What can I get you two?” I gave myself a mental pat on the back that I was able to push all my feelings away and focus on the job. I’d be their waitress and then I’d go home and figure out a new plan for me and Maya.
3
Jude
I watched as April retreated, heading off to turn in our orders. A million questions ran through my brain, the most pressing one was, why did you dump my ass?
“Sister of my friend, my ass,” Cyrus said leaning in towards me. “What’s the real deal?”
I sighed. “She and I had a little…fling before I joined up. It was a long time ago.” Never mind that when I closed my eyes, I could still hear her sweet laugh and taste her sweet lips like it had been yesterday.
He rested back in the booth. “It’s not true you know. That time heals all wounds. It’s bullshit.”
I studied him, wondering if he had his own experience in heartbreak.
“Healed or not, that ship has passed. Still, it’s weird to see her working here.” I looked for her again.
“Why?”
I turned my attention back to Cyrus. “Her family had money. Her parents were killed but she and her brother were left with a large trust.”
Cyrus sipped his beer. “Maybe she spent it all?”
I shook my head. “No, she’s smarter than that. More likely her brother found a way to control it or take it from her.”
“Fucker.”
I nodded. It was hard to believe that August had been my best friend. We’d been an odd pairing, as he’d been such an introverted geek, and I was the proverbial poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks. We were different in every way except we’d both been smart and liked video games.
April brought our food with a cursory, “Enjoy,” and just as quickly she was gone.
“I can’t imagine August knows she’s here. He wouldn’t like it.”
“August? Her name is April and his name is August?” Cyrus quirked a brow.
I shrugged. “Her parents were interesting people. Really nice actually.” A part of me always wondered if they had lived, would April and I have been able to stay together.
“Why wouldn’t he like her working here?” Cyrus asked, shaking ketchup on his burger.
“It would be beneath him. That’s why I’m not with her. I wasn’t good enough.”
Cyrus’ eyes narrowed. “That’s bullshit.”
I shrugged. “I was a twenty-one-year-old poor kid with nothing to offer. Anyway, he wouldn’t like it that she was here. When I left, she was planning to go to college.” I kept the rest of her plans to myself. He didn’t need to know that I had left for four years to get my shit together while she attended college, and then we’d be together. We’d have careers and means to live if August was going to be a fucker about the trust. I’d truly believed April when she said she didn’t care about the money or my background. For the longest time after her letter breaking up with me arrived, I figured she realized she couldn’t live on love and choose. So seeing her here was off somehow.
I couldn’t keep myself from checking on April every few minutes. Seeing her was like a dream. But when we finished our dinner, I had to leave. I couldn’t let myself get sucked into a vortex of longing for April. Sure, I’d be back to find out what was up, but at the moment, Cyrus and I were about to launch a business. I needed to focus on that first.
Cyrus and I walked back to the hotel.
“Let’s call it a night. We have a big day tomorrow picking up the keys to our new office and getting things set up,” Cyrus said as we headed back to our hotel rooms.
“Sounds good. See you tomorrow.” I entered my room and for a moment, I just stood in the middle of the room as the situation in my life crashed around me. I was home. April was up the street working as a waitress. A part of me wanted to run back to the restaurant and fight for the life we’d once planned.
“Dumbass,” I said to myself. I wasn’t a young idealist kid who was in deep love for the first time anymore. I was a fucking Navy SEAL. I’d faced insurgents, took out terrorists. I was too strong to let my past color my present.
I undressed and got into bed realizing that SEAL or not, I couldn’t keep images of April out of my head. I hadn’t been able to do it over the last eight years, I didn’t know why now would be different.
The thing that really fucked my brain over was the idea that she was it for me. In the last eight years, I’d met other women, but none had affected me like April. I was worried that I’d never get over her. It would be unfair to be with another woman while April was seeped into my psyche. I’d given her my heart, and even when she gave it back, a part of her was still in it.
Fuck! I rolled over, begging sleep to come, knowing that when it did, it would probably involve her. As I lay in the dark, images of the day she seduced me flashed in my brain.