Prologue
April
I want Jude Mason to be my first.
I looked at the diary entry I’d made when I was sixteen. My sentiments hadn’t changed in the last two years. I wanted to give my V-card to my brother’s best friend. But I didn’t just want to have sex. I wanted him to like me the way I’d liked him since I was fourteen years old. I’d gone from having a crush, to an infatuation, and now love.
When my brother first brought Jude home to play video games, I was eleven years old. My brother August was a freshman in high school and having a hard time of it. He was the proverbial nerd with big glasses, scrawny build, and more interested in cerebral activities than sports. In many ways, his friendship with Jude was odd since they were opposites. Jude, unlike us, came from a poor and somewhat dysfunctional family. Even at fourteen, he’d been strong and athletic. But, he was also smart, and while a little rough around the edges, he was nice. He and my brother were partnered in some sort of science experiment, and since then they’d been friends. Perhaps it was because Jude, for all his good looks and natural athleticism, was also a bit of an outsider as he never really bought into school culture, so maybe his friendship with my brother made total sense.
At eleven, I just thought they were boring and annoying. It wasn’t until I was about thirteen, and first noticing boys, that I took notice of Jude. He was sixteen and drove a used motorcycle that he bought with his own money saved in his part-time construction job. When the weather was nice, he’d cruise over and then he and my brother, in the new car my parents bought for him, would drive to the river to swim. I often tagged along as the annoying little sister.
By the time I was sixteen, I was full on head-over-heels in love with him. I not only wanted to give him my V-card, I wanted to marry him. All over my diary were flowery signatures of Mrs. April Mason. While now at eighteen, I thought those signatures and hearts were silly, my feelings and desires for Jude were as strong as ever.
He was my brother’s best friend, but over the years, especially when my brother left for college four years ago, Jude would still come over usually under the guise of helping with things like mowing the lawn, and over that time we’d become friends too. He once beat up Daniel Kipson for making lewd comments about me when I turned Daniel down for a date. At the time, I hoped it was because Jude was jealous, but then he started dating someone else and I realized he was just being a big brother type.
Of course, that didn’t stop me from loving and lusting after him. I was biding my time and finally, my patience was about to pay off. My parents were off on a weekend overnight trip and August, who had planned to come home this weekend, decided to stay at college in Jamestown to play Dungeons and Dragons or something with his college friends, since they were all graduating and going their own ways soon.
He’d made plans to see Jude too, but when he called to tell me he wasn’t coming home, I told him I’d let Jude know. Yes, it was a lie, because I didn’t let Jude know, but what big brother didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. And if I was lucky, Jude wouldn’t be too disappointed at not finding August here, and in fact, would discover I was much more interesting.
It was a warm day in late May, so I wore a pretty summer dress that accentuated my curves. I wasn’t a petite girl with a thigh gap, a goal I never understood. I like looking like a full-figured woman, not a boy. Underneath my dress, I wore the lacy bra and panties I just bought at Victoria’s Secret. It was kismet or serendipity that I’d bought the lingerie and then had this opportunity to seduce Jude. I just hoped he liked it and I didn’t end up embarrassing myself.
I sprayed on my mom’s pretty floral perfume, and checked that my nails from yesterday's mani-pedi still looked shiny.
I heard the roar of his motorcycle and it sent shivers of anticipation up my spine. When the doorbell rang, I rushed to it, stopping and taking a quick breath to calm myself before opening it.
I pulled the door open. “Hey Jude.” I smirked as always when I’d sing the greeting like the Beatles song.
He gave his head a quick shake, his slightly overgrown dark blond hair falling over his forehead. “That’s not old or anything.” He stepped inside. “Where’s Aug?”
I shut the door behind him so he couldn’t escape too easily. “Actually, he’s still at school. He changed his mind about coming home.”
Jude’s brow furrowed. “Why didn’t he call me?”
“I was supposed to. I’m sorry. But since you’re here, do you want to hangout? My parents are gone so I’m all by myself.”
He shifted like he was uncomfortable as he looked at me. His light blue eyes that always made me think of stars looked down at my outfit and then up to my face again.
“It looks like you have plans too.”
“No. Just hanging out. We’ve got beer if you want,” I said, knowing he was now twenty-one.
“Sure. Why not.”
It wasn’t a raving acceptance, but I’d take it. We went to the kitchen and I grabbed the pack of six bottles of beer from the refrigerator and then led him back to our sun porch that overlooked the canal with access to the Missouri River.
I continued to bide my time, shooting the breeze with him as he drank one and then a second beer. We sat on the couch together but with some distance between us. For him, I’m sure it was a normal visit. For me, my skin was crawling with agitation and pent up sexual frustration.
We’d just finished talking about my upcoming high school graduation and my plans for the fall, when I asked him, “Was Dina Markem really your first?”
His head jerked back in surprise. “Ah…how’d you know that?”
“My room is next to Auggie’s and I remember hearing you guys talk about your conquests. Or you talk about yours, since Auggie didn’t really have any.”
“Why are you asking me about this?”
“She was older than you, but still what…sixteen, seventeen?”
He studied me. “Something like that. Why?”
“Do you suppose most people graduate from high school having lost their virginity? I mean, even Auggie got laid before he left high school.”
“I’m sure there are some who wait. What’s going on here, April?”
I looked down, knowing that my next words would either scare him away or hopefully have him help put me out of my misery.
“I still have my V-card.” I slanted my gaze toward him to see what he thought about that.
“There’s no shame in that, April. I won’t deny that sex is great, but it’s something you need to be ready for.” He took a long sip of his beer.
I reached over and got another bottle for him.
“That’s the thing, Jude. I feel ready. And I really don’t want to go to college as a virgin.”
He took the bottle I handed to him and set it on the table beside the couch. “That’s not a good enough reason to fuck.”
My girly parts lit up at his use of the word fuck. I wondered if he talked dirty like that when he was doing the deed.
“You should have feelings for the guy and he should have feelings for you. Respect you.”
“Do you respect me, Jude?”
He blinked at me a bit stunned. “Well, yes but—”