Hayden jumped to his feet, and his chair fell backward, creating a crash that sounded twice as loud in the tense room. “Opportunity?! That same opportunity you never gave me?! From the beginning, everything revolved around your precious Kayden! If we were sick, you took care of him first. If we were sad, he was the one you comforted! If he did something good, you had the biggest fucking smile on your face, while I received nothing, no matter how much I tried to be good for you.”
I stood up to my shaky feet, blinking away sudden tears.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“NO!” He grabbed the glass with his juice and smashed it against the floor. Shards of glass and juice scattered around in a ghastly mess, which reminded me of the old Hayden who became explosive when rage breached all his limits.
“Please—” I began, but he didn’t even pay attention to me.
“One sorry won’t change shit! And if that lifetime of bullshit wasn’t enough, you tried to separate Sarah and me!”
She paled and glanced between us. “I did that to protect you both. I wanted to save you from heartbreak—”
“Who gave you the fucking right to decide if it’s going to leave us heartbroken or not?! You never even mentioned it to me! You did that behind my back!”
I wiped away the tears that sneaked out and took a deep breath, but new tears kept coming. “Hayden, I told you she had good intentions. That was just her way of protecting us both from the potential pain—”
His eyes sliced me. “She never even trusted me. She thought I’d hurt you from the start and never gave me a chance!”
“That’s not right,” she told him. “I wanted Sarah to know how difficult a relationship can be with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I wanted her to know it isn’t something that can be solved overnight.”
“You told her she wasn’t strong enough for me,” Hayden replied gruffly, all his resentment packed in these words. “You never trusted me, and you never trusted Sarah. You don’t even know us, but you were damn quick to judge us. So you can play your little mother games all you want, but I’ll never forgive you.”
I’d never seen Mrs. Black so defeated as she was right now. She rubbed her forehead tiredly. “I already apologized to Sarah for my mistake, and now I’m apologizing to you. And I’m not playing any games. I could’ve lost you too, and it would’ve killed me. You’re my son, and I’ll always love you. So I’ll keep trying until you accept me.”
I hoped these words would reach Hayden and help him see she only wanted the best for him, but his face twisted in unfettered fury, and everything in me turned to ice.
“So you’re doing all of this because you’re scared of ending up alone?! I needed to be on the brink of death for you to remember you have another son? FUCK YOU!”
He threw his plate of eggs at the wall and rushed out of the kitchen. I couldn’t even begin to understand what just happened, but I went after him, my quick steps matching the rhythm of my heart.
“Hayden!” He didn’t turn to look at me. He slipped into his jacket and snatched his car keys from the small table in the hallway. “What are you doing? Where are you going?”
“I’m out of here. I can’t stand to be here with that lying bitch.”
“Please calm down. Let’s talk. Let’s try to solve this.”
He put on his boots furiously. He still didn’t look at me. “There’s nothing to solve. I’m done with her.”
“But you can’t drive. Remember what the doctor told you. You have a brain injury—”
“I don’t care.”
Without a second thought, I grabbed my jacket, slipped on my shoes, and rushed after him into the cold, snowy morning. He wrenched the driver’s door open, and I placed my hand on his shoulder.
“At least let me drive.” I gave him an imploring look. “Please think about your current condition. I’ll take you wherever you want.”
His eyes searched for something in mine as he fought an internal battle, and I took a step closer to him. I cupped his cheek. “Let me help you. I don’t want you to be alone,” I whispered. I was scared that he would drive off and end up in an accident. He still hadn’t recovered, and his reflexes were slower than usual, so I couldn’t let him wander off somewhere alone.
Just when I thought he would refuse me, he finally nodded and went around his car to the passenger’s door. Grateful that he was letting me do this, I got in, unlocked his door, and turned on the heater, happily embracing the heat. There was less snow today, so it hadn’t accumulated much during night. However, it was slushy—my least favorite—and navigating the streets could be a challenge.
I adjusted the driver’s seat and put my seat belt on. “Did you change to winter tires?”
He stared ahead of him with a tight jaw. “No. So be careful.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“River.”
“Okay.”
I pulled onto the street. He hadn’t put his seat belt on because of his ribs, so I had to drive even more carefully. Now that I thought about it...
“Why is there no seat belt warning?” There wasn’t a warning the night I drove him after his fight, either.
“I disabled it.”
“Why?”
He didn’t look at me, his face tense. “Because sometimes I like to race without my seat belt on.”
My anxiety spiked, and I swallowed with difficulty. “Why do you like to race without your seat belt on?”
“Because it gives me a rush, obviously.”
I was scared to imagine the danger he put himself into each time he did that. I knew he needed danger in his life. He craved it, and it was his version of a fix. I couldn’t understand it, but I accepted it.
“Does it help you forget the pain?”
“Are you acting like my therapist again?” he snapped, and a heaviness filled my chest. “I don’t want to talk about it, so can you stop asking me so many fucking questions?”
I nodded, too upset to say a word. I clenched the steering wheel and forced myself to take slow breaths.
“Fuck, Sarah. I’m not in a good mood right now, so can we just stop talking for a while?”
I nodded once more and bit into my lip. This was a part of him, and I had to learn to deal with it better. If his emotions were too much for him, he would lash out, but I had to be patient and wait for him to calm down until he learned to control it better.
We didn’t say a word for the rest of the drive, both of us in our own worlds until we reached the river, and I just hoped this place would bring Hayden a much-needed reprieve.
Chapter 15
HE GOT OUT OF THE CAR the moment I turned off the engine and headed to the same spot we visited before. I zipped up my jacket as I followed him, silently cursing the low temperature. The dark gray sky sparked uneasiness deep inside of me.
I stopped next to him and studied his tall form, which exuded aloofness. It was strangely emphasized by our snowy white surroundings that contrasted him. He didn’t move as he looked at the river with uneven breaths, and I gave in to my impulses. I hugged him from behind and buried my cheek into his wide back.