“Are you going to miss it?” Hayden asked, breaking the silence.
I turned around to face him and eyed the huge box of books he held. “A little bit. After all those years my mother and I spent moving from one place to another, we finally got a place we could call ours, but it wasn’t enough for her. It wasn’t enough for her to change herself and lead a better life.”
He stepped closer to me, gazing at me softly. “You sure you’re okay with leaving her?”
I nodded. “Yes. It feels liberating. I’ll be out of her toxic reach. I’ve been foolish all this time, thinking that just because she was my mother she would change the way she treated me, but I was wrong. Just because she’s my biological mother, doesn’t mean she’s my mother for real. So instead of letting her break my heart continuously for the rest of my life, I’m better off without her.”
A smile took shape on his face. “I’m proud of you. You’re my fighter.”
My heart contracted with pure joy. “Thank you.”
I connected my lips with his and deepened the kiss, relishing in the feel of his tongue against mine for a few moments.
“Let’s go. We’re finished here.”
Giving one last glance to my room, I followed Hayden out and closed the door behind me. I wouldn’t be coming back here anymore, having agreed to spent the next few months at Hayden’s place until we moved to New Haven and started college.
I entered the living room and braced myself for the farewell talk with Patricia. This last month, we barely spoke to each other, and we led separate lives. She’d completely recovered, so she was back to work and her ordinary life.
She didn’t need Lydia anymore as her caregiver, but they stayed in contact as friends, which was surprising, to say the least, because Patricia wasn’t good at making friends. As far as I could see, Lydia was a good influence on her, since she helped her manage her alcohol addiction, following her to AA meetings and cheering her up during crises.
I lowered the box on the coffee table and crossed my arms over my chest as I faced her. She was reclined on the couch, her eyes fixed on an episode of Game of Thrones.
“I’ll be leaving now.”
There wasn’t even an inkling of interest on her face as she looked at me. “Okay. Do you want my blessing?”
I clenched my jaw as Hayden tensed. He put the box on the floor and came to stand next to me.
“And look at you. Her prince in shining armor,” she jeered at him. “Ready to ride into the sunset with her.”
“Stop it,” I told her before Hayden exploded and unleashed his fury on her. “I don’t want to fight. We’ve done that more times than I can count. I just want to tell you I won’t be coming back anymore. I hope you’ll take care of yourself.”
She brought her attention back to the TV screen. “Yeah, whatever. You can drop the act and leave already. Wouldn’t want you to waste your time here.”
If I was the old Sarah, her sarcasm would have sliced me deep and left me to bleed in anguish over the mother I’d never had. I would spent hours thinking there was something wrong with me since not even my own mother loved me, and I would despise myself, with no way of accepting who I was.
The new Sarah knew this wasn’t about me. This was about her and her inability to give love to her child. She’d never accepted me just because I was a “mistake,” as she’d said, and her interest in me went as far as how much she could use me. So, I was over her, on a path of self-acceptance and self-love I’d denied myself for too long.
“You’re right. I’m wasting my time here trying to act civilized and mature. In the end, it changes nothing. Goodbye.”
I moved to pick up the box and head for the front door, but the way Hayden looked at her stopped me, making hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
“I thought my mother deserved a medal for being the worst mother of the decade, but you’re something else.”
Patricia rose to her feet. “What did you say?!”
Hayden gave her a disdainful look. “You have a great daughter. She’s a sweet, compassionate, and smart girl who’s achieving amazing things—more than you’ll ever achieve—but unfortunately she had to live with a person who shouldn’t even be called a mother.”
The veins on her temples popped, and an ugly sneer pulled at the corners of her mouth. “How dare some spoiled brat speak to me like this?!” She fisted her hands by her side, her face red with rage. “Out of my house! Now!”
Hayden didn’t even blink; he wasn’t intimidated by a long shot. “You don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve her wasting even a second more of her time on your sorry ass. And I’m glad as hell that she doesn’t have to see your fucking face anymore.”
“Out! Now!”
He took a step closer to her. The menacing expression on his face was unnerving, but Patricia didn’t get the hint. She stared him down, and I sensed she was about to slap him or worse.
“I’ll make sure you don’t hurt her ever again. I’ll protect her so you won’t ever be able to reach her. But if you even try...” He took another step toward her, and Patricia swung her hand at him. He grabbed her wrist before she could hit him and got into her face, his eyes as cold as ever. “You’ll regret it. So you better think twice before even speaking to her. You got it?”
She let out a shriek of frustration that grated on my ears, and my stomach lurched with tension that could only be resolved when we were out of this house. This phase of my life was over, so the sooner we got out of here, the better.
“Let her be,” I implored him. “Let’s get out of here.”
Patricia yanked against him and brought her other hand to hit him, but he stopped her again and pushed her back to the couch before he backed away from her. “You better stay in your lane and don’t mess with Sarah.”
A slightly diabolic glint to his eyes sent a strong message, and she recoiled for the first time, finally understanding that Hayden didn’t issue empty threats.
“What are you waiting for?” Her voice trembled, and she looked between him and me with wide eyes. “Out!”
I took Hayden’s hand. “Let’s go. We have nothing else to do here.”
He let me pull him away from her, but he kept his gaze on her. “Yeah. Let her rot here all alone, for all I care.” The anger in his eyes dissipated when he met my gaze and leaned in to leave a kiss on my forehead. “Let’s go, baby.”
I watched her a few seconds longer, reflecting on how far away we were from each other. This was exactly like three years ago. She didn’t even remember it was my birthday. This was just another push for me to leave her in the mud of her negativity and resentment and head for more positive things in my life.
I didn’t feel empty or remorseful when I stepped out of the house I’d called home. No, I felt free. I was free from the suffocating shackles that had held me captive for as long as I could remember.
A huge smile came to life on my face. I felt like skipping as my legs led me to the Blacks’ house—my new home—and a place where I’d created some of my most precious memories with Hayden and Carmen during these last few weeks.