I glanced back at the stars. My mind replayed all those twists of fate that had separated us. Maybe our love had started with hatred and misunderstanding, but we managed to reach the mutual trust and respect that allowed our love to bloom.
“I was so stupid,” he continued. “I couldn’t even understand myself. I thought you were to blame for what was happening to me, like you were responsible that I was a mess, but it was never about you. It was never about anyone but myself. So now I’m learning to live with myself after everything I’ve done to you.”
“You’ve changed, Hayden, and you keep changing. You’re doing good things now. It’s true that you can’t erase the past, but you can make sure you lead your life better and make people happy from now on. You can use the past as a source of strength and motivation to work harder on being a good person.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep inhale. There was something special about being in Kayden’s room like this. It felt like he was here giving us the strength we needed. My lips twisted into a smile when I focused on the stars again. Kay would definitely be proud of Hayden and me now.
“I don’t regard our past as completely bad,” I said, admitting what had been on my mind for some time. “I told you before that mistakes can help me become a better me. So, all those scary and difficult days have made me who I am today; they made me stronger. They made me strong enough for anything that may come my way and gave me confidence to deal with it. They helped me build a thicker skin and realize I was much, much stronger than I’ve given myself credit for.”
I raised my hand to touch his cheek, gazing at his perfect face. I could look at him for days and it wouldn’t be enough. My thumb brushed over each scar in a languid caress.
“If anything was different, maybe I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I wouldn’t have you. Maybe you and I wouldn’t be able to overcome all those things that dragged us down. Maybe you wouldn’t be who you are today. We’ve lost Kayden, but we managed to find a path in the darkness that led us to this moment today. We’ve come a long way.”
I sat up and cupped his cheeks. “Our past is in the past. We can bring it up countless times, but it won’t change anything. So no more ‘what ifs.’ From now on, let’s live our lives without regrets.”
His unwavering gaze stole my breath. “You’re right, oh wise one. I, your devoted and enlightened follower, accept your mighty philosophy.” We broke into chuckles.
“You had me worried,” I joked. “You haven’t said anything sarcastic so I thought there must be something wrong with you.”
He flashed a smile at me and kissed the top of my nose, inching closer to me. “Don’t worry, baby. My sarcasm works 24/7. Just like my—”
“Yeah, I know,” I interrupted him and burst into another fit of chuckles.
My laugh ebbed away when his expression turned serious. His glimmering dark brown eyes told a tale of love and devotion as they skimmed over my face. He threaded his fingers through my hair and pressed my hand right over his heart.
“It will be difficult,” he said. “And we’ll probably have lots of ups and downs, but we didn’t go through all of this for nothing. You’re my fate, Sarah, and I’m not giving up on it for anything.” His heart pounded hard beneath my palm, matching the rhythm of my own. I was so madly in love with him.
“That’s right,” I said and pulled him in for a kiss, needing his lips on mine.
Our kiss deepened and our worlds intertwined—together as one—our hearts beating in sync under the stars that symbolized Kayden and us. I was home.
“Because after everything we’ve gone through,” I quoted his lyrics, holding his joyous gaze. “You’re my only fate.”
Afterword
IMPORTANT BPD DISCLAIMER:
Hayden isn’t a representation of all people with BPD, and this author’s intention wasn’t to portray this disorder or people with BPD in a negative way. Each person with BPD is different and may react differently in the same or similar situations. Hayden is just one person with this disorder whose own life circumstances played a role in some of his actions.
THE TITLES OF SARAH and Hayden’s story hold a special meaning. Hayden's condition is borderline personality disorder, or BPD. The first letters of Bullied, Pained, Damaged spell BPD.
IT FEELS LIKE JUST yesterday that I wrote the first draft of Damaged, and now almost three years later, I can finally say Sarah and Hayden’s story is complete. While I’m happy they got their conclusion, it feels bittersweet because I’ve been living with these characters for so long, and a part of me wishes I didn’t have to let them go. But they will live on in these pages and hopefully in your hearts. They will live on as a reminder that everything is possible, and even the greatest darkness can contain a flicker of light that can lead us on the right path toward happiness.
Just like Sarah said, their love started on a ground filled with hatred and misunderstanding, but they managed to heal the spoiled soil through mutual trust and respect. They showed us that, even after many ups and downs and numerous bumps on the road, it's possible to find solace and inner peace, overcoming all obstacles and becoming stronger and better in the process.
So never give up and stay strong, no matter what. Life may bring you darkness and try to drown you with despair and sorrow, but you only lose the moment you give up. Don't stop. Fight. Life can be as colorful as you want it to be, so keep going and keep fighting. Whether you're bullied, struggle with mental illness, or feel like the whole world is against you, always believe in yourself because you're special. You are you, and no one can take that away from you.
SARAH AND HAYDEN’S roller coaster journey may have ended, but the Bullied series continues. Stay tuned for Jessica and Blake’s story in book four, Trapped, and Melissa and Masen’s story in book five, Scarred.