By the time Sawyer’s truck skidded to a stop next to Cayson’s, sending up a little cloud of dust, I was off the porch steps and waiting for him, arms folded and jaw working anxiously.
Things had been different with my youngest brother ever since Cayson and I had told our families the truth about Dad.
Strained, almost.
He’d made an effort the past few months for things to go back to normal, not that things had really been normal between us ever since Dad died. But it’d been just that . . . an effort. Awkward as hell and filled with more silences than we knew what to do with.
For him to come tearing down my driveway when we’d already had one of our strained breakfasts that morning, I was prepared for anything.
Yelling. More outrage at keeping things from him for so long. More disbelief . . .
He jumped out and slammed the door behind him as he stormed my way, body visibly twitching and restless from where I was standing. Shoulders rolling. Hand repeatedly roughing through his hair before gripping at the strands. Chest pitching with jerky breaths. Pacing when he got close to me.
My arms fell to my sides like weights when I finally got a good look at him.
I’d been wrong . . . I hadn’t been prepared for this.
“Sawyer,” I said softly when he continued to pace without saying a word.
He shot a pained glare my way before glancing at where Cayson stood on one of the steps. Jaw clenched so damn tight. Eyes glassy from tears.
“Saw, what happened?”
He stopped in front of me then. Head down and hands gripping at the back of his neck. Every part of him jerking and twitching with each ragged breath.
“Sawyer?” Emberly called out, her worried voice close enough that I knew she was headed this way, but I didn’t take my stare from my brother.
“Go away, Emberly.” Each word was said through clenched teeth and had an edge to it like he was so damn close to breaking.
Cayson shifted on the stairs, but I held up a hand to stop him from responding in any way.
And for another minute, we all stood in weighted, gripping silence, waiting for something.
A shoe to fall. Our world to shift again. Anything . . .
Sawyer finally looked up, his hands falling heavily to his chest and then to his sides. “She said, ‘no.’”
I waited—we all did.
Because Sawyer was shaking his head and tears were actually falling and his harsh breaths were coming out harder. A pained laugh left him. “She didn’t just say no, she said, ‘I can’t do this,’ and fucking left. She left—she’s gone.”
“Rae?” I asked hesitantly.
“Who the fuck else?” he shouted and gripped at his hair again.
Cayson spoke up, even more hesitant than I had been and sounding like he already knew what the answer was going to be. “Said no to what?”
Sawyer looked from me to him like we were idiots. “To marrying me.”
A sharp inhale came from Emberly, followed by a murmured, “No, no, no, no.”
“I’ve spent the last four hours calling her, searching all over town for her. She’s gone.”
“What happened? What all was said? Hasn’t she talked to you?” Emberly asked in rapid succession as she came up beside Sawyer.
“I asked, and Rae said no,” he ground out. “She left. What aren’t you getting?”
“Easy,” Cayson snapped.
“Oh, fuck off,” Sawyer sneered, barely offering a glance Cayson’s way.
“No, what happened?” Emberly demanded, not at all fazed. “All the details, Sawyer.”
“Em—”
“This is important.”
“I know it’s important,” he yelled. “I just asked the most important question of my life, and Rae panicked and bolted.”
She glared up at him, her hands balling into fists as she pressed them to her temples. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but I need you to be a girl for five seconds and give me every detail. Please.”
Sawyer looked at her, all sorts of destroyed and helpless. Mouth opened for a few seconds before his shoulders bunched up. “I don’t know—I don’t fucking know. She was crying when she left.”
“She was supposed to talk to you,” Emberly said as a breath rushed from her.
“About what?”
I grabbed Cayson when he started their way at Sawyer’s harsh tone. I understood his need to be there for Emberly, but he was only going to make this worse.
Em looked in our direction, her stare finding Cayson before returning to Sawyer. “She’s supposed to tell you this . . .”
“Well, right now, she’s gone, Emberly,” Sawyer said pleadingly, demandingly.
“She’s struggling with the same things she always has,” Emberly explained quickly. “She’s completely, hopelessly in love with you, Saw. But the idea of marriage freaks her out worse than a relationship and settling down used to—and you remember how that was for her then. Rae wants you forever; I know that. She has told me that. But to her, marriage is . . .”
“What?” he demanded.
“I’m trying to remember how she described it.” Emberly pressed the tips of her fingers to her temples as she thought, stare on the ground as she whispered to herself. “Destroying,” she said loudly. “She called it a trap. And she’s been so afraid that you wouldn’t understand because she knows you want to get married.”
“Understand?” A sharp, pained laugh left him. His head falling back to face the sky for a moment. “I don’t understand this, Em. Her leaving. Now. After everything.”
“I know,” she said softly, reaching for his arm. “She should’ve talked to you before you ever had a chance to ask her. But, Sawyer, she loves you. You know she does, and you know her. Rae’s entire life has been in flight mode, but after finding you, it changed. She has only ever left for you, and I have no doubt that’s what this is. Leaving because she thinks it’s best for you—that you won’t be able to understand and accept her fears. But she’ll come back, and you’ll fight to keep her here.”
Emberly looked our way, her eyes bright and smile soft as she studied Cayson for a moment.
“Because that’s what you and I do,” she said to Sawyer. “We fight for our flight risks.”
A rumble of amusement and understanding sounded from beside me.
I went utterly still.
“You know her,” Emberly repeated, voice soothing. “You know how she feels about you, don’t doubt that because of what happened today. Know that your love for each other will get past this, the same as it got past her leaving the first time. And accept that this probably won’t be the last time it happens and prepare for it so you can be there for her and love her through it.”
Sawyer’s head slowly shook as he dragged both hands over his face. “How the hell am I supposed to prepare for it?”
“Well, you know what her biggest fears have always been. Relationships. Settling down . . .” She shrugged. “She worked her way through those in her own, unconventional, Rae way. She’ll work through marriage, or y’all will figure out a compromise.” A smile slowly took over Emberly’s face. “Having children is the only other thing that terrifies her. So, if that time ever comes for y’all, you can be ready for this and be there for her.”