Do literally anything to go back to the night before and make sure it didn’t happen.
“Brush my teeth,” I repeated, voice barely a whisper.
Amusement darted across his expression as he gestured to the hall Savannah had come out of. “We’re down here.”
“My bag’s still upstairs.”
His dark brows pulled close. “Since when?”
My heart raced as I struggled not to confess everything. Struggled not to throw up in front of him. “It was there this morning.”
One of those rumbling laughs sounded, a hint of his dimples flashing. “Was Drunk Madison room-hopping?”
“Maybe,” I breathed.
“All those cute pandas and shit,” he said playfully, sending me a wink as he turned back to where he’d been pulling out food for breakfast.
I wanted to die.
It felt like I was.
And still, it wasn’t nearly a severe enough punishment.
I gave a wide berth to where Savannah was leading Beau deeper into the kitchen and hurried up to the second floor. Welcoming the fierce pounding in my head as I rushed across the hall and into the room I’d slept in the night before.
Mine and Savannah’s room. What I’d thought was mine and Hunter’s room. What my drunk self had very clearly been sure of, considering I had moved my bag back up there at some point.
I hurried over to where I’d left the Kleenex-wrapped condom and wrapper. Snatching it up and turning in a slow circle as I thought of what to do with the damning evidence while also making sure there wasn’t more.
Tears burned the backs of my eyes as I rushed to the side of the bed to see if I’d ever thrown up, the smallest hint of relief filling me when I found it clear.
I grabbed my bag and started turning in time to see Beau shutting the door and storming across the room toward me.
“No, no, no, no,” I whispered the closer he came, a warning and a plea for him not to get close to me. For him to realize we couldn’t be in a room together.
“The hell were you doing in here?” he demanded.
“I—”
One of his hands slammed over my mouth and forced me back against the wall. And having that terrifying storm of rage directed solely at me had icy fear moving through me, making it hard to breathe.
“This is mine and Savannah’s room,” he ground out. “You and Hunter are in the other room.”
I shook my head against his hold when he moved his hand to clench my jaw, letting me speak while still holding me in place. “I don’t—I don’t—”
Knowing what we’d just done was bad enough—gut-wrenching. Heartbreaking. But having Beau so close after realizing it was him? Seeing the outright fear and shame mixing with his anger?
It made me sick. Made my stomach roll and those threatening tears form.
When he spoke again, the words were soft. Seething. “Stay the fuck away from me.”
A muted cry escaped me when he shoved away and stepped aside.
“What do I do with this?” I asked, my voice hitching as I held the balled-up Kleenex out to him.
“The hell—” His face drained of color when part of the wrapper poked out.
“Beau, we didn’t use it.”
His head snapped up. Something like veiled hope and relief washing over his features.
“No. No,” I said quietly but firmly so he would understand what I was trying to say. “Beau, we didn’t use it.”
His eyelids slowly shut and he swayed. Roughing a hand over his face, he locked his jaw and snatched the Kleenex from me. “Madison . . . get away from me. Now.”
My steps were quick and unsteady. My blurry gaze on the floor as I tried to make sense of how this had happened. As my wrecked heart tried to come to terms with what I had done.
I reached for the doorknob just as a muffled voice sounded from the other side. “Mads?”
Everything in me went still. So still, I thought I might shatter as I felt the knob twisting in my hand.
Time slowed. My heart pounded so fiercely and so loud, I was sure Beau and Hunter could hear it through everything.
Beau’s anger.
Our inadvertent betrayal.
The door.
I was yanked back and shoved to the side so forcefully, I barely caught myself in time before I crashed into the wall. Gripping my bag tight to my body, I pressed close to the wardrobe that stood next to the doorway just as the door opened.
My shoulders jerked at the sound of Hunter’s hesitant, “Hey.”
“What?” Beau demanded. His response nothing more than a sharp grunt.
“I thought Madison came upstairs. Is she not in here?”
“Does it look like she’s in here?”
I pressed a hand over my mouth to mute the shuddering breaths and cries trying to escape as I listened to the sound of a soft thud, thud, thud against the wall. Imagined Hunter tapping it with his hand before he let out an irritated huff. “Try being something other than an asshole every now and then. Yeah?”
I jolted when Beau appeared in front of me a handful of seconds later.
Brows drawn low over his threatening gaze. Jaw ticking. Voice low. “Get out.”
My head bobbed in something resembling a nod as tears flowed down my cheeks. But I’d only gotten to his side when his hand shot out, and he snatched my upper arm, gripping me tight and hauling me close to him.
A cry of pain clawed up my throat but barely made a sound by the time it fell from my lips.
“If Savannah ever finds out . . .”
I looked into his eyes to see the wrath gone and replaced with crippling anguish.
“I can’t,” I choked out, rambling incoherently, “I couldn’t—never. It would wreck us—him.”
With a nearly imperceptible nod, he released me and left the room.
I started following but stopped at the last second. Gripping the doorframe and forcing myself to stay in case Hunter was still up there.
When seconds passed without a sound, I hurried out after him.
By the time Hunter found me, I was sobbing and throwing up in the downstairs bathroom.
I weaved in and out of friends and parents months later. Bouncing all the way to the Dixon’s kitchen in search of a bottle of water and some space to breathe in the middle of all the beautiful chaos.
Graduation had been that afternoon, and I’d been sporting the fakest, Barbie-style smile since long before.
We’d graduated high school.
In a few months, Hunter and I were leaving Amber and headed to College Station.
And my period was over two weeks late.
No big deal. I was just having a full-blown meltdown on top of the excruciating guilt and anguish that had become my constant companions, and I refused to let anyone get a glimpse of my suffering. Hence, the Barbie-style smile and the cheerleader-ish pep in my step.
Because I was fine. I had this handled. No matter what happened . . . I was going to make it through—
“Shit,” I hissed as my arm was nearly yanked from the socket, and I was quickly and roughly dragged from the kitchen, down the little hallway that led to their guest room and bathroom.
I jerked my arm from Beau’s too-tight grasp, my voice low and harsh when I snapped, “Ow!”
His response was a glower as he grabbed the door and started shutting it behind us.