“No, no, no.” I hurried to reach for it before he could close it all the way, my voice turning into a sharp hiss. “Are you insane? We can’t be in a closed-off room! What if someone finds us?”
“What if someone finds us?” he echoed meaningfully, all rough and gravelly, and succeeded in shutting the door. His eyes narrowed menacingly when I turned the knob so the door popped open and was left slightly cracked.
“It’s so much worse if it’s shut,” I explained when he slammed his palm onto the door and shut it again, but the look in his eyes stopped me from opening it again.
“It’s bad enough,” he ground out and shoved away from the door. Dragging his fingers through his jet-black hair as he began pacing the room like a caged animal.
Muscles tensing and twitching, eyes darting around like a threat might come up behind him at any moment.
And it made my already knotted stomach clench uncomfortably.
I had enough weighing on my shoulders, I didn’t have time for this. We didn’t have time to be standing in a room alone.
My body began shaking, trembling with my fears and my guilt as I watched him. As I worried. My voice came out strained when I began, “Beau—”
“I’m telling Savannah,” he said, stopping mid-pace, facing the wall adjacent to me.
“What?” The word rushed out of me. The floor tilted. The walls spun. “N-no,” I breathed, my head shaking wildly as I reached out to touch anything.
To ground myself.
“No,” I pleaded. Demanded. “You can’t.”
“The fuck I can’t,” he snapped, low and grave, and sent me a scornful look over his shoulder. “That’s my world, my future, and every time I look at her, I know I’m keeping something from her.”
“Hunter’s my world!” I cried out, then covered my mouth with a shaky hand. My breaths came out sharp and broken as I tried to calm myself. When I continued, my voice was at a whisper. “He’s my future too. He’s your brother, and Savannah’s my best friend. We can’t risk our relationships and friendships over an honest mistake.”
“Exactly.” He turned to face me fully, his arms tense at his sides and his hands curled into tight fists. “It was a mistake, Madison.”
“One that will still matter to them,” I cried out. “One that will absolutely hurt them. It will cause doubt and suspicion and-and-and put wedges between us all. Hunter can’t know.”
Worst of all, if I was pregnant . . . I couldn’t imagine the repercussions that night would cause with the pregnancy.
Being pregnant at seventeen was bad enough—the possibility was terrifying. But to have Hunter question for even a second that he’s the father? Question my love for him and commitment to him? That would destroy us.
“Will?” Beau sneered something that might’ve been a laugh, but it was hard to tell when he was already so angry. “Those wedges are already there. It’s already put a goddamn wedge between Savannah and me. My world,” he repeated, teeth clenched tight. “I’ve never kept anything from her before this. You’re fine with lying to my brother, that’s more than fucking clear. But I actually love Savannah.”
My palm connected with his face before I realized I was moving. Reacting. Using all my guilt and pain and the anger from his implication, and lashing out.
At Beau Dixon.
His brows gathered low over his eyes and the muscle in his jaw ticked, making my heart race in a terrible way. In a way that screamed danger was in front of me. That I should run.
But I stood frozen.
“Fuck you, Beau.” The words came out on a wounded, trembling breath. “You wanted this silence just as much as I did.”
After an eternity passed in his bubble of rage, he shifted his neck and dragged in a deep breath through his nose. “Here’s how I see it: One day, I’ll put a ring on her finger. One day, I’ll watch her walk down an aisle toward me. And I don’t want a pit of guilt inside me when I do.” He stepped even closer, his body shaking as he stared me down. “I don’t want her finding out in the future, feeling even more betrayed and hurt than she needs to because I kept what we did from her.”
“She doesn’t have to—”
“She does,” he disagreed. “That girl is the answer to my fucked-up soul. She’s my everything. And I’m not gonna risk that because you’re a coward.”
My shoulders caved as my own soul responded with a cry of denial and pain and fear. “Beau, please,” I begged as panic rushed through my body, making me shake at a near-violent level. “You don’t understand—”
A scoff burst from him.
“You don’t understand . . .” My trembling fingers fell to my stomach before I quickly drove them into my hair. “You don’t understand what you’ll be doing to all of us! Risking your relationship by not telling Savannah? Beau, all of our relationships are going to be ruined when you do.”
His dark blue eyes fell and studied the floor for a moment before snapping up to me. Determination and deep-rooted fear swirling within them as he started for the door.
“I think I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.
He stopped so abruptly that he might as well have walked into a wall. Staring ahead and looking like I’d ripped the floor out from beneath him.
“Hunter’s,” I hurried to assure him. “If I even am.”
“If,” he ground out. “You’re just gonna throw that shit out there when you don’t even know?”
“I’m two weeks late . . . more than.”
His jaw worked again and again. A curse falling from his lips before his head shook roughly.
“See what you’ll be doing,” I said, begging him to understand. “The chances of Hunter and Savannah understanding or forgiving us for what happened are—” I choked on the word as the guilt and shame rose up. Swallowing past it all, I tried to hold his stare as I continued. “Low. So low. But if I’m pregnant? They’re not gonna believe what really happened. They’re not gonna believe it was a one-time thing—a one-time mistake. Beau, you will be destroying all of us.”
“We already destroyed us,” he said numbly. “We’ve already done that, Madison. Don’t you get that? I’m afraid when Savannah says she’s going to hang out with you. I fucking hold my breath when she says she talked to you. I can barely look at my brother, and when he mentions you? I feel like I’m gonna snap. When we’re all together? I’m terrified they’re gonna notice something’s wrong between us and figure it out. And if you’re pregnant? Jesus, Madison.” He dragged his hands over his face, head shaking. “I can’t keep going on like this. This is killing me and hurting my relationship with Savannah. I have to tell her.”
“Then, I’ll go!” I cried out without thinking. Trembling when it felt like the offer started the process of ripping out my soul. “I’ll go, I’ll leave. Just don’t do this.”
Beau’s eyes narrowed in both confusion and suspicion. “What?”
“Everything you just said,” I began, voice hitching violently, “it kept coming back to me. Savannah with me. Talking to me. Hunter talking about me, or us near each other.” A sob escaped me as I nodded. “I’ll leave.”