Ursa sifts her fingers through my hair slowly, soothingly. This whole moment settles something in my chest even more than the sex has. I’m enjoying my time with them. I don’t want it to stop. Any of it.
Time passes slowly, the strange cocktail of adrenaline and lust wearing off and leaving me aching and strangely sated. My ass still stings and my pussy is sore in a delicious kind of way, but it’s my soul that feels the most exhausted. The highs have been too high. The lows, too low. I don’t know which way is up any longer. I’m a deep sea diver that’s gotten confused and lost. I have a fifty-fifty chance of swimming for the surface. An equal chance to descend to depths I’ll never return from.
I should be more scared.
I know that, rationally. I am in the home of a territory leader in Carver City, one who’s already stated that she wants revenge against my father. Just because she’s kind to me doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy me for this week and then dump my body on his doorstep at the end of it. I know that, but I can’t get the fear to stick. There’s some bone-deep belief that Ursa won’t harm me, and I can’t seem to reason my way past it.
It’s too late, anyway. I’m here and I’ve agreed to uphold my part of the contract. If she’s going to turn on me at the end of it, if taking my virginity wasn’t enough to capture her revenge… There’s little I can do about it.
Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself so I don’t have to think about escaping. Maybe I’m just so weak that I am only too happy to cuddle up next to my father’s enemy because she showed me a little bit of kindness. Because she talks sweetly to me and touches me like I might be precious to her.
It’s a lie. It has to be.
I’ve already been sucked in once by Alaric. Surely I’m smart enough not to make the same mistake with Ursa?
The thought makes me open my eyes and sit up. I don’t look at her. I can’t, or I’ll be enraptured by her again and forget about the distance I desperately need to maintain. I clear my throat. “I, uh, I need a shower.”
“In a moment.” She takes my wrist in a gentle but immovable grip. “You tensed up, darling. Thinking dark thoughts?”
Again, honesty pours forth despite my best efforts. “Are you going to kill me and dump me on my father’s doorstep at the end of this?”
“What?” She sounds so genuinely shocked, I forget myself and look at her. She masks the shock quickly, but I know what I see. Ursa shakes her head. “What motivation could I possibly have to go through all this only to kill you?”
“You hate my father. I still don’t know your side of what happened, but you went through such lengths to get revenge. Surely you’re not going to stop with giving me orgasms.”
Now Alaric sits up, though he’s moving a little gingerly. “Ursa isn’t going to kill you.”
“She’s right,” Ursa says slowly, almost as if she’s contemplating it. “A life for a life, so to speak.”
Alaric shoots her a sharp look. “Stop it. She doesn’t know you’re just fucking with her.”
“Am I?”
“Ursa.”
“Oh, fine.” She clasps his chin and gives him a quick kiss before turning to me. “My goal is to cause your father pain—not start a war between Olympus and Carver City. If you die, he’ll do everything in his power to make me pay, even if he has to raze both cities to accomplish it.”
I stare. “The way you say that makes me think you actually considered killing me at one point.”
“Barely considered, darling. As I said, it served no one in the end.” Ursa glances at Alaric, seems to take in his tense look, and sighs. “Fucking you is as good as killing you. You consented to this, consented to it from beginning to end and with eyes wide open. You knew Alaric and I wanted to cause your father pain, and you went forward with it anyway. There wasn’t complete honesty, but there also weren’t truly lies, either. You knew who we were to him.” She shrugs. “Your father will never forgive you.”
Pain lances through me. It’s the truth. I know it’s the truth even as part of me wants to deny it, to claim that love will conquer all. Really, I’m not that naive. “You can’t know that.”
“Can’t I?” Ursa arches a brow. “Go ahead. Call him now and see if he picks up for his traitorous slut of a daughter.” The words have no heat, not until I imagine my father saying the same words in anger.
I flinch. “So you’ll use me and discard me.”
“Darling, you’re walking with over half a million dollars. You can go anywhere, can decide to be whoever you’d like. I’m leaving you better than I found you.”
I can decide to be whoever I like. The thought brings another on its heels, one that I’ll never voice, no matter how addicting it is to tell Ursa the truth.
I want to be yours.
I’m not hers. Not in the way Alaric obviously is. Wanting that is about as effective as wishing on stars. It will never happen, not when she looks at me and sees her revenge against my father instead of a person. If she’s kind enough while doing it? That changes nothing.
Ursa takes a slow breath. “Come on, darlings. Let’s get you cleaned and rested for tonight.”
I almost don’t ask, but I’m desperate for something else to focus on beyond my realization of how far in over my head I am. “What’s tonight?”
Ursa rises and waits for us to join her on our feet. “Tonight, we’re going to the Underworld and playing a little game.”
A little game. Because that’s all this is to her—a game. She only chose me so she could punish my father, not because she actually wants me. I bite down my disappointment and follow her down the halls and through her bedroom to the master bath. The tub is more hot tub than bath, a deeply recessed area with jets and seating for four. She leans over, giving me an excellent view of her ass, and turns the taps on. “It will be a moment. Stay here.” Then she walks away, leaving me and Alaric alone.
“I’m sorry.”
I look at him and my heart gives an uncomfortable thump. Things would be so much simpler if I could just turn off my feelings for him. For both of them. It doesn’t seem to matter how angry I am, how clear the evidence that he lied… I still care.
But that doesn’t mean I can let go of what he did.
I sigh. “You’re not sorry. Not really. You feel guilty, but that’s not the same thing. You wouldn’t do anything differently if you had a chance to go back.”
He starts to argue but finally shakes his head. “Maybe I’d tell you the truth from the beginning.”
“It wouldn’t work.” It pains me to admit it, but this strange addiction to honesty continues even when Ursa isn’t around. “If you told me what my father was while I still lived in his house, I don’t know if I’d believe you. Even if I did, I can’t guarantee that I’d agree to help you hurt him.”
“Zuri, you didn’t agree to help us hurt him,” he says it gently, as if trying to reassure me.
“Don’t do that.” I shove my hair back from my face. “Don’t give me an out. You might have helped manipulate me into making that choice, but ultimately it was my choice. Just like it was my choice to fuck you while Ursa was on the phone with him.”