Beth chewed the bread slowly while Jonan talked. She frowned and put her hand over her heart. It was beating faster than normal. ‘Do you control the way I feel around you?’
‘No.’ He smiled and stood up, walking over to the fire. ‘Whatever you’re feeling is all you.’ Crouching down, he picked up the poker and shoved at the logs, releasing a shower of sparks. Then he reached into the wicker basket next to the fire and pulled out a gnarly, triangular piece of wood and stacked it in the grate. ‘I can’t control someone else; I only remove energies that are blocking them personally, or influencing them through their environment.’
Beth stood up, folded up her napkin and put it on the table next to her plate. The fire was roaring now, invitingly warm. She sat in the large, squashy armchair, leaning forwards and holding her palms so near the fire that the heat of the flames was only just bearable. ‘So that’s why it’s always nice in here.’
Jonan turned back towards the room and smiled. ‘An old building like this would normally be reeking with ancient arguments, grief and who knows what else. You know this.’
She nodded. ‘My office used to be part of the debtor’s prison. There’s always somebody wandering around making the lights flicker.’
‘Exactly.’ Jonan sat down on the sofa and leaned back, stretching his long legs out towards the fire. ‘I don’t want to live like that so I keep my home energetically clean, but when you come in here, you also benefit. Without those external triggers it’s easier to see your way forward. Helping the girl cross was a stronger example of the same thing. I lifted the energies in the room until she was able to perceive her own freedom.’
Beth watched Jonan. He was staring into the fire, a muscle working in his jaw. His dark-blond hair hung in waves around his shoulders. His presence was so strong in this place that she could see the air around him shimmer. He took a deep breath, his chest expanding, drawing her eye downwards. The top few buttons of his shirt were undone. The skin beneath was pale, almost otherworldly.
‘What about now?’ she whispered, her voice catching. ‘Are you manipulating the energies right now?’
Jonan sat up and leaned towards her. He took her hands in his, the warm touch of his skin sending tingles up her arms. ‘No, this is just us, Beth. I remember you of old, and we’ve always been like this. There’s nothing I can do to stop it.’
‘Would you, if you could?’
‘I’ve tried, many times.’
Beth jerked her hands away, hurt searing her chest. ‘Why? Why would you try to cut me out?’
Jonan’s eyes darkened into a deep purple as he gazed at her. His forehead creased. She felt herself inadvertently leaning in a little closer, wanting to sink into his energy, but where before she had felt connection, now a barrier had raised.
Jonan shook his head, got up and walked to the fire. He stood with his back to her in front of the flames. ‘Oh, Beth, what are you doing to me?’
Beth’s eyes widened. She felt as though he had slapped her. ‘What do you mean? I’m not doing anything. I thought we were sharing a moment. I thought that maybe, just maybe, you might…’ She tailed off. Shaking her head, she stood up and pulled on her coat. She slid her feet into her long leather boots and zipped them up. ‘I’m sorry. This was a mistake.’
‘Beth, come back,’ Jonan said as she strode towards the front door. ‘Please, that’s not what I—’
‘Don’t,’ Beth said from between gritted teeth. ‘And don’t follow me through that door.’
She reached for the handle then yanked it as it stuck, pulling it with so much force she jolted backwards when it opened. She shook away Jonan’s hand, and then took the stairs two at a time, only stopping when she was out on the road and back up to the properly lit main street, where he wouldn’t be able to see her.
She had allowed herself to be humiliated. A lifetime of keeping everyone at a distance, and one flash of those violet eyes had left her open and exposed. She’d seen the way Jonan charmed people at the hospital. Why had she allowed herself to believe she was different?
Beth squeezed her eyes tightly shut, rejecting the tears that threatened. She would not allow herself to be weak. She had been here before. She was an expert at dealing. She would show Jonan he wasn’t the only one who knew how to distance himself.
The street was already dark, but there was a stream of people striding past, eyes fixed and glazed. Beth pulled up her collar, turning her face into the neck of her coat to avoid meeting anyone’s eyes. Working in town, there was always the risk of bumping into someone she knew. That was the last thing she wanted when she felt so raw. She barely saw the pavement, slick with rain, or the bright lights behind the windows of closed shops. All she saw was Jonan’s face, clear in her mind. His violet eyes transported her straight back to that place that made her ache with homesickness.
She crossed the road and walked straight into the scent of lavender. ‘Salu?’ she whispered.
Here, sister. The words resounded in her mind, but there was nothing more.
Beth raced up the stairs to the front door of the flat. She pushed her way through the front door, slamming it behind her. Breathing heavily, she leaned against it.
‘Beth, is that you?’
Beth sighed. Bracing herself on the solid weight of the door, she pushed herself upright, wiped her eyes, painted a bright smile on her face and walked through to the living room. ‘Hey, Laura, I haven’t seen you in a few days. How are you doing?’
‘You should have seen the day I had at work.’ Laura’s eyes were shining.
Beth sank into an armchair, holding her smile rigidly in place as she pushed her hands into her hair, massaging her scalp. Her forehead ached and she knew that wouldn’t end anywhere good.
Laura was still talking. Beth murmured yes and no occasionally, but she had no idea what her roommate was saying. She couldn’t see or hear anything except for the image of Jonan’s face that burned its way through her mind taking out everything in its path.
Jonan
‘DAMN IT ALL,’ Jonan hissed as the sage smudging sticks he was arranging in a basket tumbled in a pile at his feet. He took a deep breath, and then crouched down to gather them up and start again.
‘Maybe you should light one. You could do with a bit of serenity,’ Doriel said.
‘Stop reading me.’
Doriel laughed. ‘Stop broadcasting then. I don’t know why you sent her packing. Anyone would think she wasn’t the woman you had been in love with for tens of lifetimes.’
‘And look how that worked out for me.’ Jonan picked up his coffee from the glass shelf of crystals on his right and took a large gulp. He spluttered as the scalding liquid hit the back of his throat, just turning in time to stop the liquid spraying the pile of sage sticks.
‘I guess the hot coffee is my fault too, is it?’ Doriel raised one eyebrow.
‘I’m not thinking about Beth.’
‘Are you kidding me? I know everything. I thought you’d figured that out by now.’
Jonan rolled his eyes. Living with an Oracle was a pain in the nether regions. She was so meek in public, but when everyone had left, she flaunted her wisdom each time he messed up. Right now, he seemed to be doing that a lot. ‘Okay, so it’s about Beth. But if you’re such a top-notch Oracle, surely you should know why I did what I did last night.’