Beth sighed. ‘I can see I’m hurting you, but I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. I’m used to being able to read people, but the rules are different with you. Everything’s different and I can’t find my balance. I know I was horrible to you over the last few days and I really didn’t mean anything I said. Please, will you forgive me?’
‘There’s nothing to forgive. You’re not doing anything wrong, but until we face the anger you felt towards me when you were under Amelia’s influence, we’re never going to be able to move forwards. What were the emotions that drove you? What made you push me away? What images came into your head when you looked at me?’
Beth thought back through the hazy memories. Already they felt years old, as though they’d happened to her in another life. ‘Every time I saw you my heart raced. My skin felt strange. You sent my body into panic and I had no idea why. That scared me.’
‘How do I make you feel now?’
‘Now?’ Beth flushed, but said nothing.
‘I’m not trying to trick or embarrass you, but I need to know whether you still experience any of that. I would never hurt you and I don’t want to frighten you.’
‘You don’t frighten me now, but…’
‘But?’
‘You still make my heart race.’
Beth had never seen Jonan so still. His eyes were dark, his lips parted. He took in a long, ragged breath, and then leaned forwards and took hold of her hand. Without saying a word, he placed it on his chest. The fabric of his top was soft against her skin and she felt the hard, lean muscles underneath. His chest rose and fell with each breath, which grew faster as she held her hand there.
‘My heart is racing too.’
‘You wanted to keep your distance.’ She swallowed, trying to focus on the feel of the sofa at her back, on the floor beneath her feet as an anchor. ‘I’ve been honouring your request.’
‘We all make mistakes. We are all capable of being led by fear. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. I had my own demons to face. At that moment, I was losing, but I’ve moved on. You can’t possibly imagine how sorry I am that I pushed you away.’
‘What happened in those lives you keep talking about?’
Jonan sighed and let her hand drop as he leaned back into the sofa. ‘There are so many. We’ve lived whirlwinds of variables and I haven’t seen them all.’
‘You’re not going to tell me, are you?’
‘That’s not my place. You’ll find out what you need to know in your own time without me planting images in your head.’
‘But how do I find out? You told me I needed to clear fear, but I don’t know how to do that.’
‘You’ve done enough for tonight. Give yourself a chance to heal from what Amelia did to you. We’ll deal with what comes as and when it surfaces.’
Beth sighed. Jonan had moved away and the moment of magic seemed to have passed. She thought back over the conversation, wondering whether she’d done something wrong. She’d been so sure he was about to kiss her.
Her phone rang. She groaned and picked it up.
‘Hey, Charlie,’ she said using her best professional voice. ‘I’m sorry about today. I shouldn’t have come into work.’
‘No,’ Charlie sighed. ‘You shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t have gone to the hotel either. I need you at work for eight o’clock tomorrow. Amelia is coming in and she’s not happy.’
Beth sighed. ‘I’ll be there.’ She hung up the phone. ‘Did you catch that?’
Jonan nodded. ‘I could come with you?’
‘I’ve told you before, I don’t need a babysitter. Amelia may have got to me once, but she won’t do it again.’
‘Will you at least come here afterwards so I can see what state you’re in?’
‘I’ll come as soon as I can reasonably get away. Charlie’s in a filthy mood. I think he has a thing for Amelia, so he’s not going to like the friction. Apparently, we’re going out of business unless we secure her patronage, which doesn’t sit well.’
Jonan shook his head. ‘There’s more to this than I’ve realised.’
‘What about Bill? Where does he fit in to it all?’
‘I’m not sure, but I’m bringing him home tomorrow.’
Beth looked around the room and shook her head. ‘Where are you going to put him?’
‘He can have my room. I’ll sleep on the sofa.’
‘You offered him a permanent home.’
Jonan shrugged. ‘Don’t worry about me.’ He smiled. ‘We’ve got bigger things to worry about than where I’m going to sleep.’
‘Oh no you don’t. Stewing over where you and Bill are going to sleep will be like a holiday compared to the prison my mind has been over the past couple of days. And thinking about tomorrow’s meeting won’t be much better.’
Jonan sighed. ‘Of course. This is Amelia you’re dealing with. Don’t worry, worst case scenario you lose your job and you can always work here. You’d be a natural.’
Beth frowned. Her career had been everything to her but, right now, it felt so unexciting.
There was something surprisingly appealing about the idea of working at the Third Eye. In this space anything seemed possible.
She frowned at Jonan, wondering what he saw. Had that been a throwaway comment, or did he know something she didn’t? She had always felt restricted, had always felt she didn’t fit in. But in this moment, as her old life started to crumble, the possibilities seemed infinite. She felt the bubbling of a new awareness, a new reality, a new understanding of what she herself might be capable of.
WORKING AT THE Third Eye seemed increasingly appealing as Beth walked to her meeting the next morning.
The day was so full of potential pitfalls and Beth wished she could turn around and go back to bed. She would have to convince Amelia she was still in The Fear. At the same time, she was going to have to placate Charlie, who saw her as putting his only account at risk.
‘Where the hell have you been? Amelia is due any moment.’ Charlie glared at her as she walked into the office, coffee in hand. He was pale, his eyes bloodshot, his lips too rosy, as though he had been biting them. ‘Have I not got through to you how important this meeting is?’
Beth sighed. ‘You have, Charlie. That’s why I’ve turned up here at eight when I’m exhausted after being ill. I promised I would be here. I’ve never gone back on my word. You have no reason to mistrust me.’
‘After yesterday I have no idea what to expect from you.’
‘Leave it, Charlie,’ Beth snapped as she sat down. ‘I have apologised enough.’
Charlie stared, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. ‘What has got into you?’
‘That’s exactly what I was wondering.’ Amelia’s voice sent chills through Beth, and then fire surged through her. She would not bow down to this woman.
She looked her in the eye without flinching. ‘Amelia, how nice to see you. I’m afraid I was a bit off-colour when I saw you yesterday, but I’m better now. I’m so sorry if I said anything inappropriate while I was unwell.’ Beth held her gaze. I know what you are, she thought, trying to project the words to Amelia.