“Well, he’s not here to whine about it. I have noticed he whines a lot. After dealing with him for a few hours, I’ve come to the conclusion you kicked him out because of the whining, and you have been hoping he would grow up and come home. Except he’s a rebellious child and seems to have skipped that phase of reconciliation.”
“You are a most irreverent being.”
“Is this where I’m supposed to say you made me this way?”
“It is.”
“Why did you make me this way, anyway?”
“I am sometimes inflicted with unfortunate amounts of sentiment.”
“You know, if my old man found out you’re quite the sass, the entire world would shift on its axis.”
“Your father was among the best of men, although it saddened me how much he struggled with the rise of magic. Your mother was quite the interesting human as well. There are few couples capable of tempering a child like yourself. I have rewarded them well for their care with you.”
“Can I ask a question?”
“Of course.”
“Why me? Why not some, well, better person?”
“A gentle soul would break beneath my son’s hand. You are a strong sword, forged for a purpose. But for you to be as you are, you needed to be born a human with a human’s mortality. That is why I am here, as it is that mortality I must address.”
“Dying sucks, and I think I’m rather done with the dying thing, if you please. I’d say even if you don’t please, but you could wave that hand of yours and just wipe me right out of existence if you wanted.”
“But why would I want to? You are a flower I have cultivated from a seed, but it is the nature of your seed that is flawed for your future purpose. So, while this is typically my son’s domain, you and I must bargain.”
Uh oh. “Bargains are trouble. Am I going to lose my soul over this?”
“For a time.”
Double uh oh. “That doesn’t sound promising.”
“For all my son does take care to prevent mortals from seeing his true form, he slips from time to time in moments of rage or passion. This time will be both, for one of his devils seeks to sow chaos through your destruction, specifically so a succubi this devil has allied himself with might become the Queen of Hell.”
“I’m going to die from sheer stupidity, aren’t I?”
“I recommend that you punish him through the restriction of your spots, for it took him a very short time to grow fond of them, and he is disturbed over how fond he has become of you. That is not, in his opinion, his nature.”
“He’s an idiot, isn’t he?”
He chuckled. “Perhaps.”
“You do realize I basically browbeat your archangels into taking me to his house so I could take it over, right? And he likes that?”
“It is a first for him, and you did not need to browbeat them into it. They are very fond of their brother, and it is their nature to want to see to his happiness. Do not bother trying to tell my son that. He is more stubborn than any goat and will not believe you.”
“Let me see if I have this straight. I’m going to not-quite kick the bucket because he’s going to have a temper tantrum, possibly because one of his devils wants to get rid of me because the Devil likes my spots, and because he likes my spots, he won’t pick some succubus to be the queen of his many hells?”
“That is mostly correct.”
“What part is wrong?”
“Like is too weak of a word for how he feels about you and your spots. He just fawns over your spots because it is simpler for him to express himself through his greed. My son is not a sensible being. But yes, at the heart of the matter, you are correct. As such, we will bargain. Your soul will endure some hardship for a time, but because of a kindness you have shown, that hardship will not last long. You will find yourself with some difficulties facing my son’s true self, but that will ease over time. In exchange for giving you what you require to survive, you must do a simple thing.”
“What thing?”
“You must hold a seed for me, and you must plant it in a moment of darkness. This seed will balance the new seed of your life, which will grow while you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. That is the first part of our bargain.”
“How am I supposed to plant this seed? What is this seed?”
“It is the beginning of a soul.”
“This seed is some person’s soul?”
“Not precisely, but you are not far from the truth. The seed will eventually grow to become a soul. It is not a soul quite yet. There are several ways you can plant that seed. I recommend you lure my son to your bed with the intent of taking the seed and making it your own, and thus allowing nature to run its course. As a consequence of his fall, he cannot create a seed of life on his own. There is nothing in the rules that state I cannot provide the spark that allows a seed of life to take root and become a child. However, that seed’s nature will be particularly vexing for my son, who gets delightfully upset over beings with insufferably good natures.”
My eyes widened. “You want me to have a child with the Devil?”
“Yes. That is the price of this bargain. You love children, and you already find yourself intrigued by my son. In time, you will understand. All of this has been arranged to be a natural choice you would make for yourself. In exchange for your soul’s survival, you must nurture the seed I have made for you and my son, which you will use to turn the impossible possible. But there is a catch.”
“What catch?”
“You will forget this bargain in its entirety until an opportunity comes for the seed to be properly planted. I do not wish for my son or all of the angels of my heavens to be aware of what I do. They believe, in truth, my son cannot produce fruit, and there is some importance that their belief remains as such. The child you safeguarded will be my son’s first venture into fatherhood, yet another deed of your hand, and your first experience of what it is like to be a mother. You will remember the important details as necessary, so you might act when the time is right. She will be of great importance one day. She will also make an excellent babysitter.”
Kanika. “This is an elaborate prank, basically. But the prank is a baby?” I frowned. “Multiple babies, if you count Kanika and the seed.”
He remained silent for a long moment, and His soft chuckle skirted giggle territory. “Kanika is not of my making, but she is special and deserving of your safekeeping. Your future child? I will merely state you are deserving of it. My son will be most pleasantly surprised after he rages, as he will make ridiculous assumptions despite knowing, without even the shadow of a doubt, you are incapable of being disloyal, just as he is incapable of disloyalty. He will annoy you, and you will make him sleep in your den until he chills his temper. You will enjoy yourself, for I made you as you are to best handle his fits of temper. When he has chilled his temper, he will realize what has occurred. Then I will get scolded most severely, and the heavens and hells will both wait with bated breath to see if the End of Days begins. It won’t of course, as my son will be too busy fretting over how to be a father, a problem he doesn’t believe possible, nor will he until that moment. This is truly a gift to myself, and I will enjoy it immensely.”