“You’re a cat. Cats like fish.”
“Yes, I do like fish. I like fish when someone provides fish for me. Why would I fish when I can have someone else fish for me? I prefer my hunts to be where the water is frozen and unsuitable for fishing.”
“Ice fishing is a thing.”
Was the Devil serious? “You live in a fiery hell hole. Where, precisely, would you go ice fishing?”
“I could make it work.”
Men. Why was I plagued with men? I resented the Devil’s general manliness and his ability to annoy me with a single sentence. “You’d probably have an easier time creating fish capable of surviving in lava than making a place suitable for ice fishing in your home.” Shaking my head, I picked up the vase, turning it over in my hands and examining it for damage. “Why would I need a vase to go fishing? You use fishing rods and bait to go fishing.” I thought about that for a moment. “You can use a net, too, I guess.”
“You wouldn’t use the vase to go fishing with. You’d use it to keep your new pet fish. The vases are clear, the fish will be small, and you can amuse yourself with admiring your new prizes this way. One of the perks of running my oh-so-many hells is to tour the various dungeons and admire my prisoners. It’s satisfying. Using the vases prevents you from having to do additional investments.”
I considered the vase in a new light. “Don’t fish need special water?”
The Devil shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me. It would just speed up the process of getting them into my hands if they do need special water and you fail to provide it to them.”
“Fish need to live in treated water,” Gabriel announced.
“And what happens if I don’t treat the water?”
“Death is probable. The treatments remove chemicals unhealthy for them from their water.”
“So, you’re saying if I put a fish into tap water, I’ll be slowly poisoning them?”
“It might not be slowly, but yes. You would be poisoning them. Some fish are more sensitive to the water than others.”
“I guess I need to get whatever it is fish need to make the water safe. I guess it’ll be another trip to the pet store, then.” At least I had enough money to handle it. “Can you do me a small favor, Gabriel?”
“What do you need?”
“I need someone to pay the CDC to handle a certain issue, and I’ve already imposed on your brother enough.”
Michael chuckled. “She will not be satisfied until that matter is properly addressed. But you are not imposing upon me to ask for such a small thing. I will handle it on your behalf, as that issue is more of my responsibility than his.”
“Thank you. Do either one of you know what I would need to best care for these fish?” I spent a moment wondering, then it occurred to me the only fish I would care for would be the ones responsible for my brother’s current shape. “While they may deserve to be slowly poisoned, I should care for them properly.”
“Stop being good. Being good involves extra work,” the Devil complained.
“Why would I want to kill one of my prizes?” I asked, and however much I disliked the loan sharks who’d hurt my little family so much, it seemed like a waste of effort to kill something I went through effort to transform and catch.
“Because they would end up in my hands faster, of course. I want them, Darlene.”
Right. I dealt with a sadist, one with a reputation of greed with a significant dose of sin splashed in. “Why would I want my pet fish to end up in your hands?”
“I’ll do an excellent job of torturing them.”
“While I don’t doubt your general torture skills, that does not answer why I would go through the hassle of fishing only to give you my prizes.”
“Do I get to count extra spots if I demonstrate I have a base understanding of what it means to be patient?”
“No.”
“You’re a most cruel creature. Why would you deny me your spots?”
I considered my entire situation, and I wondered if forgetting about the Devil and his wicked ways would be a blessing or a curse.
“It would be both,” Gabriel informed me.
“But would it be more of a blessing or a curse? This may become important, especially if he’s angling for more spots. He is greedy, so I will assume he wants more of my spots. I’m not sure he’s appreciated the spots he’s already received.”
“I appreciate the spots I’ve already received very much, and I will not be satisfied until I’ve explored every single one of your spots.”
“Don’t you have a herd of succubi to review for marriage purposes?” I countered. “Go count their spots.”
“They don’t have spots.”
“I’m sure they could apply spots to their persons for you to enjoy.”
“It’s not the same as enjoying naturally occurring spots.”
“You got kicked out of heaven because you’re a pain in the ass.”
“I got kicked out of heaven because I’m disobedient, but me being a pain in the ass was a factor.”
“I’m not sure I have enough spots to teach you even limited obedience,” I muttered.
“You’re probably right,” he agreed with a smirk.
“Should you revoke spot access, you have an infinite number of spots to work with,” Gabriel stated. “It would be prudent of you to revoke spots when he indulges in disobedience and other unwanted behaviors.”
“You’re not helping, Gabriel.”
“I am not supposed to be helping you in this matter.”
“That’s just cruel of you. I’m surrounded by cruel beings. What did I do to deserve such cruelties?”
I couldn’t tell if I loved or hated him for being such an annoyance. “You’re the Devil. Perhaps your very existence is the reason you are deserving of such cruelties. You might also be a masochist in addition to being a sadist.”
“I’m definitely a masochist, especially if it results in access to more of your spots. If no one has told you this, your spots are lovely.”
“Were you dropped on your head as a baby?”
The Devil huffed. “He would never accidentally drop a baby, although He does not tend to keep His angels young long. I was undoubtedly the cutest of the babies in the heavens.”
“Which tells me He dropped you on your head when you were a baby quite on purpose,” I countered.
“Your cruelty knows no bounds, I see.” The Devil sighed. “Michael, why did you encourage her to storm my gates?”
“She needed no encouragement. She decided to without any intervention on my part, and she did not have any interest in being deterred, so I aided her cause for His reasons.”
“That’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard.”
Great. The Devil viewed my invasion of his home for my nefarious purposes as sexy. Then again, I could use that to my advantage, as I’d never had much interest in learning how to flirt with anyone, mostly due to the general belief I was diseased thanks to my prized tail and my ears. “I think you’re confused and possibly desperate for positive female attention.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m confused, but I will not deny my desperation for positive female attention, but only if the positive female attention includes your spots. I can be very focused when I wish to be.”