“Gallo has positioned himself so he has a good view of you. He has no idea what to make of me, as I do not match the type of people your brother would associate with, and he’s convinced you would only associate with people your brother knows. I am dressed too well, and he is confused about where you acquired your apparel.”
“That is so bizarre. Why?”
“From what I can glean from his surface thoughts, he had been cultivating Jonas to serve as one of his underlings, but Jonas was proving resistant to some of his more ruthless schemes, so he removed the problem. Apparently, he’d noticed you earlier than your brother’s transformation into a chipmunk. His treatment of your brother was to test you more than anything.”
“Listening to people’s thoughts is a rather convenient ability, isn’t it?” It was well enough I couldn’t hear Gallo’s thoughts, as it would likely result in me trying to throw the entire damned table at him.
“He wants to strip you out of your dress, and I find this to be very irritating.” The Devil sighed, shook his head, and glared at the menu. “I’ll get us the mixed appetizer platter, too. If we have leftovers, so be it.”
“You want to strip me out of my dress, too,” I reminded him.
“Yes, but I wish to do so in a mutually beneficial fashion, and when I’m finished with you, I would tuck you into my bed and continue to shower you with affection. He does not have any good will towards you, and he is only concerned with himself. He is a most selfish human being. He disgusts me, really.”
I needed to get my hands on a weapon, occupy the Devil with some task, and take the bastard out. “What a creep. Are you sure I can’t beat him to a near-death state with a baseball bat?”
“You would kill him, and then you would become annoyed you are bereft of a new fish for your trophy room. You will be more satisfied should you keep him alive.”
“But I’m very motivated to kill him right now.”
He chuckled and closed his menu. “That you are. I will have to call Belial again. It appears he intends to grab your brother and use him as leverage after making certain you are poisoned this time. He also plans on poisoning me, although with the intent of getting rid of me, who he rightly views as competition.”
“Can’t he at least try to be creative?”
“His poison is quite creative, truth be told. He does deserve credit for its manufacture.”
“Can the credit be my foot inserted into his ass, heel first?”
The Devil considered my question, his eyes narrowing. “I’m intrigued. Would you be wearing that dress while you’re giving him credit?”
“It would be a shame if I were to get blood on this dress. I’d probably need to wear something else. This dress is really nice, and I don’t want to destroy it.”
“Magic can remove blood from fabrics, and your dress would emerge from its bloody debut intact.”
“Will my brother be all right?”
“I will ask Belial to keep a watch on the situation and help teach your brother how best to defend himself.” The Devil glowered at his phone, muttered a few curses, and dialed. “These humans are annoying idiots. There will be some who wish to bring harm to my new pet. Take care of them and move them into Darlene’s trophy room. Yes, you may handle the matter personally, and don’t feel a need to hold back. I tire of this nonsense.” He returned his phone to his pocket. “Some days, I regret having delved a little too far into the future, but I couldn’t bear to be caught with one of those most annoying bricks mortals are currently using for portable phones. Tell your fellow humans to hurry up and design more sophisticated things. It’s most annoying having to trick the humans into believing I’m using their backwater technology.”
I bet. “Yours is pretty convenient.”
“I’m very spoiled, so I need convenience, and I need my convenience to be elegant.”
“Belial won’t mind watching Jonas?”
“Not at all, and it solves some problems. We’ll take care of the idiots at the other table, and I’m debating conjuring you a baseball bat.”
“You can do that?”
“Of course.”
Before I could ask what else had riled the Devil up about Gallo and his lowlife thugs, the waiter brought both bottles of wine and opened them, going through some odd dance with the Devil to make certain both were acceptable before taking our order. Lucifer made a few additional requests, and to my fascination and delight, he did so in a different language. My eyes widened at the waiter’s lack of reaction, bowing at the Devil’s requests. “I will attend to this immediately, sir.”
“Okay, that was really neat. What language was that?”
“An extinct language, truth be told. The people who once spoke it lived in Africa, although they’re long gone. I used a little magic to make sure he understood my request, as I wished to preserve the secret for your enjoyment.”
“You can just start talking dead languages to people with the expectation of them understanding you?”
“I’ve been doing it all night long, and I’ve been manipulating you to do the same, all so Gallo can’t overhear us. He believes we’re speaking some South American language, apparently, for he understands Italian and Swedish and we make no sense to him. When I spoke to Belial, I used a devilish language. That one I’ll teach you properly, as you’ll need it.”
“What is the fucking asshole thinking about now?”
“He’s generally frustrated, as I ordered most of our meal in English, and he couldn’t catch my last request. To his perception, I lowered my voice in a more controversial manner. He has the poison with him in his pocket, and he’s debating how to make the most use of it. His companions also have doses of it with them. I find them foolish, carrying such a thing in something as fragile as a glass bottle in their pockets. They are just smart enough to be dangerous.”
“What does he think about you?”
“I annoy him because I’m in the way of what he wants.”
“Well, that’s certainly true. Is he going to interrupt our dinner?”
“No. He likes this restaurant and doesn’t want to risk being unable to return, so he’s biding his time. His current plan is to wait until we’re finished and follow us out, approaching and poisoning us when we’re on the street. Once the poison kicks in, he wants to claim you. He will have me followed and dealt with at the earliest opportunity.”
Well, at least my dinner would be safe, and if he did screw up my dinner, I would turn my chair into a lethal weapon. “That’s not going to work out as he’s expecting.”
“I do find that to be very amusing. I have plans to make you my equal on the survivability front.”
“Through conversion.”
“I’ll enjoy it immensely, and I will endeavor to make certain you enjoy it as much as I do.” The Devil smirked. “Of course, all I have to do to catch your attention is unbutton my shirt. I have you figured out.”
Busted. “I refuse to be ashamed of my interest in your chest.”
“And I refuse to be ashamed of my interest in your spots. We are well matched in that regard. I’m far more generous about my chest than you are about your spots. You should be more generous with your spots. I’d very much appreciate them.”