“You might kill your succubi if I let you play with all my spots at one time. I’ve seen what you can do with only access to my ears and tail.”
“I wouldn’t kill them. They’d just be excessively satisfied and whine over having been thoroughly exercised. The incubi will love me. I’m just spreading the joy. They’ll be fine. They’re just very well fed and need to digest. Both succubi and incubi feed off sexual energy, and you bring out the best in me. Once I have you fully converted, you’ll be well tended, that much I can promise. I’m greedy and selfish, after all.”
He was the Lord of Lies, and I raised a brow, wondering who he was trying to convince with that load of drivel. “Yes, you’re so terribly greedy and selfish.”
“Is that sarcasm I’m hearing, my darling?”
“Perhaps.”
He chuckled. “Most would not be so bold with me.”
“I have what you want, and as such, I get to be as bold with you as I want. Anyway, you like it.”
“I like it very much.”
“If I can’t have a baseball bat, can I break my chair over his head and beat him that way?”
Lucifer coughed and covered his mouth. “First, I fail to tire you out. Then, because that was not bad enough, I have not fed you sufficiently to control your murderous instincts. If the thought of you beating some foolish mortal to a near-death state while wearing that dress wasn’t so damned attractive, I might be concerned. But it’s very attractive, and I regret I can’t encourage you to do just that. A little wine may help take the edge off.” Reaching for the bottle of his preferred wine, he poured some for me and offered me the glass. “One of the perks of being my companion is your newfound ability to drink as much as you want without concern over becoming too drunk. I find the idea of abusing magic for my enjoyment amusing, and keeping you pleasantly intoxicated without being fully impaired is my idea of a good time. Lowered inhibitions and all.”
“Does that come with a reduced chance of hangover?”
“Absolutely.”
“How have you stayed single for this long?” I sniffed the wine and took a careful sip of it, finding it to be a little sweet and complex in its underlying flavors. “You’re right. This is a good wine.”
“I’m always right.”
“Are you going to try to sell me the Golden Gate next?”
“Do you want it?”
“No. What would I do with a bridge?”
“Fling men like Gallo off the side, I suspect.”
“I don’t need to own the bridge to do that. Can I change my mind about keeping that fucking asshole alive? He pisses me off. Just knowing he’s behind me, plotting to turn me into his pet, really, really pisses me off.”
“Smooth your fur, kitty. He’s not going to do anything to you. I’ll see to that.”
“I don’t want you to see to that. I want to beat him to death with my chair. He was going to do what to my brother?”
“Use him to lure you out and then kill him,” the Devil replied.
“Giving a long and pretty life in my tanks is too good of a fate for that fucker.”
“I see your brother was not exaggerating over your mood when you become hungry. Please don’t venture into the crying portion of your hunger. I’m sure our appetizers will be here soon. I’m now concerned we didn’t order enough.”
I considered how much I’d eaten in the limousine, which boiled down to the entire damned tray with only a few tidbits going to the Devil, which I’d fed to him by hand. “I’m a little hungry.”
“A little?”
My stomach complained, and I sighed. “Maybe a lot hungry.”
“You’re definitely starving. If you really want to kill him, I won’t stop you. After all, it’s not really a party until the bodies start hitting the floor, and a dead man can’t come back to bother you later.”
I found the way the Devil phrased his statement to be rather amusing. “Not haunt?”
“Ghosts are serious business, and they’re as persistent as they are annoying. I try not to deal with ghosts unless it’s absolutely necessary. While some of them are harmless, others are not. Ghosts happen for a reason, and the last thing you want is an angry ghost haunting you. They’re typically stuck, and any sensible being will be cranky about that. Souls are typically shepherded to their next destination quickly. That’s why I created unicorns, to help make certain that process was not interrupted. There are other shepherds, of course, but I’m particularly fond of my unicorns.”
“Why do I have the feeling your unicorns are not sunshine and rainbows like the legends claim?”
“Well, where would be the fun in that?”
“You are the reason you fell,” I informed him.
He laughed and shrugged. “What can I say? He made me this way for a reason.”
Something about the Devil’s words bothered me, but before I could think long on it, the waiter brought our appetizers, and I focused on what was important: filling my hungering stomach and keeping a close eye on Lucifer so he—and his perfect chest—couldn’t escape me.
Lucifer regaled me with ancient stories of love-sick men and the women doomed to put up with them. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so hard, especially after he waxed on and on about one of his misadventures, where he’d done his best to seduce a tribeswoman to be met with utter failure. Having his heart ripped out of his chest hadn’t been enough to deter him, but since the first time hadn’t been enough to teach him a lesson, she’d sacrificed him ten more times before he’d gotten the message and returned to his many hells to sulk.
“What happened to her?”
“Well, I tried to claim her soul, but one of my brothers slapped my wrist and told me no. I have been complaining ever since. She told me no!”
I smiled at that. “I tell you no frequently, too.”
“She really meant it. You just like telling me no because it riles me up. Then you get me to tell you yes, so you get to do whatever you want with me. It’s disgusting, really. I’ve been brought low by you and your wretchedly perfect spots.”
The Devil, I decided, thoroughly represented modern men. “How traumatic for you, lusting for spots you don’t have permission to play with yet.”
He sat straighter, regarding me through narrowed eyes. “The magic word of that statement is yet.”
“The magic words are actually please and thank you, but yet is a positive possibility for you.” I licked my lips and considered how best to finish my steak, which defied all my expectations for a steak. Had I even been eating beef before this restaurant?
My steaks at home, while a rare treat, couldn’t compare.
“I would very much like for you to look at me like you’re looking at that steak.”
I’d get there soon enough, once my stomach was convinced starvation wasn’t around the corner. “Honestly, I’ve never been so hungry in my entire life. You obviously did something wicked with me for me to be this hungry.”
“For about twelve hours, yes, I had my wicked way with you. It’s the start of the conversion process. You’re hungry because your body is beginning to adapt to exposure to so much devilish energy, which I delighted in subjecting you to. You also delighted in being subjected to it. I’ll just have to make certain my home has plenty of food for you to enjoy. Once you’re converted, your diet will be mostly energy, although you’ll still hunger for regular food as well.”