He leaned forward. “You’re beautiful.”
That made her blush, heat filling her cheeks. “Don’t say that. It muddles everything.”
He was silent for a long moment. “It’s time for us to tell the truth. There are too many secrets between us, too much that was left unspoken.” Then he leaned back in his seat. “Which of us is going to start?”
She shook her head. “Abigail stopped being my friend when a crowd of debutantes with more social standing wanted her to be one of their compatriots.” She didn’t mention the teasing or the torture when she’d been near helpless.
He winced. “I should have known.” He raked a hand through his hair. A gesture he rarely indulged in. He normally never mussed his hair, preferring the strands to be neatly arranged. “She did the same to me, it turns out.”
“What?” The single word came out in a gasp.
He stood then, crossing to the settee where she sat. She froze as he sat down on the end of her settee near her feet. Normally, his physical presence brought her comfort but something was shifting and her heart began to thrum in her chest. He leaned his elbows down onto his knees.
“She and her family came for a visit to my family home. They were to spend a week getting to know my family and giving us an opportunity to get to know one another better.” His face hardened, a muscle in his jaw ticking. “You know what a flirt my brother is.”
“No.” She pulled up into a sitting position, leaving her feet behind him. “Tell me that she didn’t end your courtship because—”
“That’s right.” His hands squeezed together. “My brother, the Earl of Hastings, seemed a much better catch than me.”
His voice was tight as he stared down at her hands. Without thought, she pushed forward, wrapping her arms about his shoulders and pressing her cheek to his shoulder. “They’re heathens. The lot of them.”
One of his hands drifted up, pressing to her arms as his fingers encircled her biceps. “Thank you, Lily. I’ve needed someone to say that these last six months.”
She’d bet he did. Just as she’d needed him to say that all those debutantes didn’t matter. But that wasn’t what he’d said at all.
She moved back then, pulling her legs from behind and drawing her knees up to her chin. “Was she cruel about it?”
He raised a shoulder. “Not excessively.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
He looked over at her. “Was she cruel to you?”
Her words clogged in her throat. “Excessively.”
He shook his head. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready.” She wasn’t sure she’d tell anyone ever. She’d considered herself strong and independent, but she’d been a victim then. Something she swore she’d never be again.
He reached for her hand, slipping her much smaller fingers into his larger ones. His hand was harder than hers, the pads of his hand firm from riding and shooting. “I’ll listen whenever you wish.”
“Thank you. That’s very kind.” That was the Merrick she remembered. Infinitely patient and willing to accept her just as she was.
He let out a long breath. “Lily.”
Her gaze flicked to his, her heart flipping in her chest. “Yes?”
Merrick shifted closer. “I’d like for us to be...friends again.”
The word fell between them like a lead weight. She hadn’t come here wanting to be his friend and she still didn’t. But her reasons were shifting. “The past…it’s too…”
“What?” He leaned closer. “Tell me what happened between us.”
How could he not understand? She stood, her hands landing on her hips. “You tell me. You’re the one that changed.”
He winced. “My family. They had expectations. They—”
“How has that worked out?” She knew she should stop. But the emotions she’d bottled for so long were coming out. “Are they happy? Are you?”
He shook his head, standing too. “No.”
She drew a deep breath, expanding her lungs, her chest, her shoulders. Words she’d never said balanced on the tip of her tongue. “Is it possible you’d be happier if you lived like we used to? Before you cared so much about what everyone else wanted and—”
She stopped speaking, her jaw snapping shut as the doorknob rattled.
“I locked the door,” he murmured, a protective hand coming to her waist.
“Good thinking.”
“As soon as they’re gone, we should return you to your parents. We wouldn’t want to arouse suspicion.”
No. He wouldn’t. He was a man who cared deeply about what society thought.
His words were a sobering reminder of how differently they now viewed their priorities and the world around them.
She’d do better to keep her opinions to herself. He clearly didn’t wish to hear them.
Chapter Six
Merrick watched Lily march ahead of him, her head held high and her back straight as she led the way to a sitting room cluttered with card tables and ongoing games.
Lily’s mother was playing whist when they approached.
“Ah, there you are, dear. I was beginning to wonder.” She gave Lily an obliging smile he’d rarely seen before and once again he was forced to wonder what had transpired all those years ago that had so altered the way Lily’s mother treated her.
She used to be a formidable old woman, all lectures and stern glares. There was a time when Lily disappearing during a house party would have led to severe ramifications.
But tonight…? “Will you join us?” her mother asked mildly.
Lily shook her head. “I merely came to say goodnight, Mother.”
“Oh.” Her mother’s eyes widened. “Are you retiring already? Daisy will be so disappointed to hear that.”
Merrick bristled with impatience. His customary manners and charm were nowhere to be found as he caught Lily’s arm and leaned in to speak directly in her ear. “Lily, wait—”
She jerked her arm out of his grasp, but her smile for her mother’s sake never faltered.
His nostrils flared as he drew in a deep breath and prayed for patience. They’d started to make some headway. For the first time in a long time, she’d actually spoken to him. And for a moment there, he’d felt their old connection. He’d felt it and had been struck anew by how much he’d missed it.
And then some passersby had walked past the locked study and everything had changed. She’d retreated back into herself and walked out of that room without looking back.
She’d walked away from him.
Again.
Without an explanation.
Again.
But this time, he wasn’t about to sit back and let her go. Not without understanding what had gone wrong. One day she’d been happy to see him returned home from the continent, and the next she’d snubbed him, treating him like some acquaintance she barely knew.
But what had happened? What had changed?
This time he wasn’t letting her walk away without finding out.
He moved in closer, overhearing enough of her conversation with her mother to know that Lily was still making her excuses.